Readers, it has been a while yet again and I can only apologise. Standards in general round here have dropped even further in every aspect of life and you would not believe what I’ve had to put up with.
Let’s begin, however, by the rare hour that I was left on my own today during a very brief shopping trip. It is very unusual these days that everyone is out of the house at the same time, as thanks to Covid and Lockdown, Lad and Young Lad are here most of the time. However, today there was an hour – no more. The bins had been put out, the upstairs doors all shut and I couldn’t find anything to eat – then I remembered the bag of mouldy bread that had been put on the shelf in the back porch ready for the birds. This had been stuffed down behind the china plant pot that contains my poo bags. Someone had obviously thought that I wouldn’t be able to reach the mouldy bread there.
Readers, I could. All I had to do was knock the china pot off the shelf, so it smashed into hundreds of little bits, and hey presto, I could reach the mouldy Hovis. I ate the lot and left the wrapper under the dining room table.
When everyone came home they said, “have you been a good, good boy or a naughty, naughty boy?” in the usual silly voice and then saw what I’d done so that answered that.
Anyway, it served them right for making me put up with things. The other evening we went for a lovely long walk at the river as usual, and I was looking forward to going up in the woods to the stream and maybe spotting a deer. However, as we were walking along the narrow, rather treacherous piece of boardwalk we saw a lady and a toddler coming towards us, so in the spirit of social distancing, She stepped off the boardwalk to give them room to pass. Unfortunately the ground was rather uneven below the boardwalk and She was wearing flip-flops which are not suitable for dog walking, or uneven ground by boardwalks, and so She found that her foot turned right over and a very undignified fall into a large bush of nettles resulted. It all happened in slow motion and I really could not believe my eyes – one minute my Pack Leader was holding my lead, the next She had face-planted into the greenery. It took her a while to start getting back up as obviously there was no option other than to put one’s hands down on the ground, which meant in more nettles. The lady and her toddler looked at my Pack Leader lying half under the boardwalk and asked if She was ok, and of course being very polite She said, “yes fine, don’t worry,” and gaily waved them on. I think my Pack Leader was trying not to cry.
I was mortified, Friends, mortified. I didn’t know where to look or what to do. Eventually She managed to get to her feet and hobbled on, with a large egg swelling sticking out of one foot which added to my embarrassment. We carried on walking for another mile or so, which wasn’t a bad effort to be fair, but then had to go home as the stinging from the nettles all over the arms and face was just too much.
It was SO embarrassing – other dogs manage to go out for walks with their Pack Leaders without this sort of carry on.
We have spent a lot of time out in the fresh air over the last few months, which is meant to be very good for you. However, in addition to the falling over in the nettles, I’ve also had to listen to moaning about horsefly bites and bldy hay fever. It seems it is not so healthy in the countryside after all. I am perfectly happy in my armchair and wish they would leave me there.
Take this afternoon, for example. I was quite happy having a sleep – we’d been for a long walk this morning – when Young Lad decided to walk down to the cricket ground for an hour to watch the match. This was an unusual burst of energy from Young Lad, and he wanted to take me with him. However, I had my sights on the garden sofa in the sun, so when Young Lad put my lead on me and tried to drag me off to the cricket club, I dug my claws into the grass and wouldn’t move. Eventually Young Lad got the message and went by himself, and I spent a very happy hour sleeping in the sunshine instead.
Lad is supposed to be going away for a few days this week with his friends, for a little summer holiday. He is being given even more lectures than normal about hand gel and social distancing, neither of which are top of Lad’s agenda I don’t think, but Lad has had a strange old few months with no exams and nothing much to do, so I feel he should have some fun. I’m sure Lad will be very sensible and there is nothing at all to worry about.
Well, Readers, I’m really quite exhausted after my long walk this morning and then the trauma of nearly being forced out for another one. I think I will have an early night and perhaps hope for rain tomorrow – as this will minimise the chances of insect bites, falling over and other ailments. A day indoors might be a good thing.