Grumpy

tcl_s_emoji_s__grump_emoji_thumb_code_emote_by_tamamacandylover-d8zspo5Good Lord, I’ve been in a mood today.  You wouldn’t believe how many people and dogs have got on my nerves, and I’ve had to let them know. There have been far too many people walking down the road outside my house, which has necessitated bad-tempered barking at them from the sofa or the study.  Sometimes it has  been the same people, going down the road, then back up again!  What’s the matter with them?  I wish they wouldn’t walk past my house – they’re quite capable of going a long way round to wherever they’re going. Then, when I went for my morning walk, a very geriatric black labrador crawled past me and I decided to have a go at him and his equally elderly Pack Leader.  Well, the elderly Pack Leader had a walking stick, and you know I don’t like those.

What probably didn’t help, was that this morning a New Tactic was tried, in terms of looking after Lovelyneighbourontheright’s cockapoo.  Why yes! Take us both out for a walk at the same time!  Top idea.  It wasn’t.  Next door’s cockapoo was on the lead and kept winding itself round everyone’s legs, including mine.  I was off the lead and kept running off to look for food.  Trying to coordinate a very bouncy cockapoo and stop it strangling itself, whilst watching where I’d run off to, proved Taxing.  Then we both had a comfort break at separate times, which caused difficulties, too. (It can’t be that hard to hold two leads, and root around for the little black bags at the same time.)   So we were all exhausted by the time we got home, and in fact the only thing that cheered me up was a Very Nice Lady by the river, stopping to tell me that she reads my blog and loves it. Her words were, “is this the Russell who writes a blog?” How wonderful to have some recognition and praise for once. 

But let’s go back a little.  There has been no blog for three nights, which is  a Poor Show.  Friday night was the normal Slovenly Pizza night except that Lad hadn’t returned home from school, so a text message was sent to enquire where he bldywas.  It turned out that Lad, and some other Lads, were struggling to finish their bldy Art exam by the end of the school day, and so had to stay there until they had done so, regardless of the time.  Then when Lad finally tried to leave the school, everywhere was locked up and he couldn’t find an exit for quite a while.  Then Lad walked to the bus station, in time to see the bus just departing and it was a thirty minute wait for the next one.  Poor Lad.  Pity was taken on him, and although the pizza was freshly out the oven, it was sacrificed in favour of a fifty bldy minute round trip to collect poor Lad. This was a pleasant way to spend a Friday evening after work. Lad talked incessantly all the way home, which added to the pleasantness of it all.  During this, I was asleep on the sofa with Young Lad and He, having a lovely evening.  I had been at dear Ebony’s house for the day, and had been caught in a downpour in the afternoon, so needed to dry off and sleep. 

Poor He had to go into work at a ridiculous hour again yesterday morning, whilst Lad had a lie-in to recover from his difficult time the day before.  It was Lovelydor down the road’s birthday, yesterday, so She took  her out to lunch to Costalotta.  Now, I know what you’re thinking –  last of the big spenders – but in fact Lovelydor had requested such.  They had a very nice time and I understand the paninis and Sicilian lemon muffins are pretty good.   Notice they didn’t bring any home for me.  I’d love a Sicilian lemon muffin.

Now look, while we’re on the subject of ‘requests’, I need a little word with you, Readers, about Sicknote.  I have been made aware of concerns that this is not a nice name to give someone, and want to reassure you that it wasn’t my idea.  Sicknote did in fact, choose her own name for my blog, and is pretty much the only person to have done so, which makes her special.  So quit the “oh what an awful name to give someone,” admonishments.  Sicknote is quite happy with Sicknote and so am I.

Told you I’m in a mood today.

On my afternoon walk yesterday, we charged round Top Field to “When You Hear the People Sing” from Les Miserables. It’s quite a good marchy rhythm; you should try it. However, further down Top Field was a man standing on his own, with no sign of a dog.  I don’t like people loitering, as you know, and even She was having second thoughts about walking right down there, in case he was up to no good.  We plucked up our courage, and She held the whistle tightly so that She could whistle him into submission if he attacked us.  Anyway, it was all ok as he was simply waiting for his German Shepherd that had run off.  This man had the patience of a saint, as we could still him him calling for his dog forty minutes later.  On the way back, Readers, I heard her sniggering, “look at that, the sublime to the ridiculous.”  I thought this was rude, until I noticed a Great Dane and Chihuahua walking side by side.  It was an unusual sight,  I have to agree.

Young Lad has had a labour-intensive weekend.  Well. Compared to his normal weekends.  When Showmybldyhomework was looked at on the computer, it was discovered that there were SEVEN, yes SEVEN, items on the list. This is tiring just to think about. Poor Young Lad.  He has been stoic and managed about four of them.  He needed a break this afternoon, so went to the pub with He to watch Wet Sham lose badly.  

There was some Drama here again this morning – oh, there’s always some crisis going on, I’ve told you this, and it gets on my nerves – but I thought to myself, what can I do to help?  So I climbed over where the drama was happening, and emptied the bin in the downstairs toilet (it contained all Lad’s snack wrappings from last night on the Xbox), and then I climbed into a chair near where the drama was happening, and kicked cushions onto the floor.  I’m sure this was helpful but nobody thanked me.

There has been a big food shop today, and all the pasta/macaroni and rice has been re-stocked, along with the Paxo.  I’ll let you know how well that goes, Readers.

See you soon,

Russell

 

 

Deer Me

Muntjac This morning, Readers, there was an abundance of wildlife down by the river.  As well as the usual sarcastic squirrels, who laugh at my attempts to catch them, there were ducks flying overhead, moorhens paddling around and – over in Top Field – a deer!  I’ve never seen one of these outside of Hartyfarty Forest, and I had no idea there were any living so close to me.  To be fair, I didn’t actually see the deer this morning, because I was lagging behind rather a long way.  There was the normal fast marching around Top Field and I really couldn’t be bothered, so stayed in the middle having a relaxed sniff around the rabbit droppings.  All of a sudden She saw Fast Movement up ahead, and wondered whose dog was legging it across the field, but no!  This was no dog.  With the swiftness and grace of a gazelle, a deer dashed from the top of the field to the bottom.  She says it was a Wondrous Sight, but I was about half a mile behind and didn’t spot it.  This is disappointing, as I’m a hunting dog, but I was concentrating hard on the rabbit droppings.  Next time I’ll be ready.

Yesterday there was an incident that caused me some dismay.  We bumped into Teddy the Golden Australian Labradoodle , and again he was with his Pack Leader’s friend whose skin colour I don’t like.  Now,  I thought he had learned his lesson, and knows quite well to have treats in his hand, and that way I can see beyond the skin colour.  But it appears not, Readers.  Yesterday he had no treats with him.  So, even though only the day before I had run up to him wagging my tail,  I had no alternative but to bark furiously at him, backing away and cowering.  I was shouted at and told I’m rude and disrespectful, but hopefully this young man will not make the same mistake again. Thankfully other Pack Leaders at the river had treats with them, and Sausage Sue in particular responds well to my begging.  Further on, I had to bark frantically again as there was a woman with No Clear Purpose by the bend in the river.  This lady didn’t have a dog with her, so had no reason whatsoever to be standing under the willow tree.  I cannot bear people loitering like this, and I knew that danger was imminent with this person of middle age.  I barked and barked, to make sure she realised I would fight off any attack. Oh I was shouted at again, but really there is no need for anyone to be standing quietly by the river on a beautiful day at 10.30am. It’s downright nasty.

Yesterday afternoon was excellent, however.  We went to visit Sicknote again, and I spent a very pleasant afternoon in her sun-drenched garden, which She says has a bldy microclimate of its own, as it was bldyfreezing in our garden.  Sicknote was extremely pleased to see me, and I barged my way  straight through the gate and into the kitchen, as there was bound to be some food in there. Charlie the large brown labrador was pleased to see me too, and it makes a pleasant change to actually be wanted.  I behaved very well, I felt, barking at anyone that walked past the hedge and particularly at the yappy terrier things that live next door.  They got on my nerves after a while, so Charlie and I went inside and had a kip on the lounge carpet.  Now, I don’t normally lie on a floor, as you know, so did try to get into a rather nicely upholstered armchair, but was shouted at so had to give up on that idea. I was given a treat from the Chedigree Plum treat tin, to reward my excellent behaviour, and then I made it clear that one biscuit wasn’t really enough.  I wish we had a Chedigree Plum treat tin.  I had a lovely afternoon and didn’t really want to leave.

Last night Young Lad had cricket training, and yet again I was left at home as it was too bldycold to keep walking me round the bldypitch.  It’s now week two of the cricket season, and I haven’t been taken anywhere near the cricket ground yet. This has been remarked upon, by people who are used to seeing me wandering around the perimeter of a summer’s evening, eating the bird poo. I have been missed, and understandably so.  We can only hope that I’ll finally get there in week three.  Young Lad was so excited today, as tonight was going to be the first cricket match of the year!  There was frantic packing of pads, helmet, bat, kit, box (I’m not sure what sort of box) last night, so that he would be Ready for Tonight.  Alas, three drops of rain fell last night, and the match was called off.  Poor Young Lad. Luckily there was Table Tennis at lunchtime, and Cricket Training after school so he has not been totally without activity. Young Lad is now lying on the sofa watching Police Interceptors, as he is quite worn out.

Poor He still isn’t home from work and I haven’t seen much of him this week.  I might wag my tail when He comes in, but I won’t get out of my chair to greet him as that’s pushing it. Lad has had a hard day of Art all day.  The good thing about this was that he didn’t have to wear school uniform, which made Lad very happy.  Pity was taken on Lad, having such a hard day, and a Four Cheese Ravioli from SparksMeanMarks was bought for his tea.  This, in turn, has made me very happy as I always run out to the garden with the plastic tray. It’s a tradition.

Tomorrow I’m at dear, dear Ebony’s house, and I’m looking forward to this.  I will be keeping a wary eye on what sort of heavy duty bandage she has on her sore paw, as I’ve been thumped round the head twice lately.  We have such fun.

Do you think Meghan Markle has a Chedigree Plum treat tin?  I bet she does, and it’s probably next to the Paxo stuffing mix.

Bye for now,

Russell

Stuffed!

243618011_0_640x640Yesterday morning at 8.30am, I ate a whole box of stuffing mix.  This was part of my new game, “let’s remove an essential ingredient from the food cupboard,” and has completely stuffed up the chance of a roast this week.  (Stuffed up!  See what I did?!)  Anyway, I was bored once everyone had left the house, plus I was quite offended by what had been left as my distraction treat. An empty Po Valley fat- free vanilla yogurt pot.  Look, if you’re going to give me a yogurt pot, at least make sure it’s one with some semblance of flavour. Fat-free vanilla my foot.  Insipid and dull, frankly, which was why I needed to look around for something with more flavour and bite to it.  There on the tins shelf, was a new box of Paxo.  So I dragged it into the lounge, ripped it open and ate the lot.  It was nice, but did make me quite thirsty.  She came back in from town and shouted at me, but I think this was largely because some frantic hoovering had been done the day before, and now there was gritty powder all over the bldy carpet. 

Still, we made up and went out for a long walk.  On the way down the road, we bumped into dear, dear Ebony again, and she had a different covering on her sore paw.  This one was harder and looked like a black boxing glove.  To make the point, Ebony clouted me round the head with it, and we all laughed.  Then I was dragged for 3.2 miles, yes I counted every bit, which was rather excessive.  Of course it was at the usual unrelaxed marching pace; this time to the tune of “Every Day Hurts” by Sad Cafe.  Most of you won’t have been born when this was in the charts, so won’t know this particular dirge and you are lucky in this.  As usual the tempo was increased from its original as we charged around Top Field.  I tried to hang out in the middle, bushy part where I nearly caught a pheasant the other day, but was eventually put on the lead and dragged off.   Staggering home from this epic walk, I spotted Teddy the copper Australian labradoodle, and better still, his Pack Leader’s friend was there!  The one with the skin colour that I don’t like, nor his accent.  But this Wise Man has learned his lesson, and I went bouncing up to him to snatch a biscuit out of his hand, rather violently.  He is very pleased that I have overcome my issues regarding his ethnicity, so long as he has a treat in his pocket.

I was shattered for the rest of the day and slept in my chair.  The day hadn’t started well, to be honest, as Young Lad  had a crisis while getting ready for school.  In a zealous fit of laundry at the weekend, Young Lad’s blazer had been washed but the appropriate care wasn’t taken when checking the pockets, and Young Lad’s special card on which Penalties are recorded at school had disintegrated.  Not having the Penalty card is, in itself, a crime for which there is a Penalty, so you can see Young Lad’s angst.  This was poor management on behalf of whoever did the laundry.  She was sure She had checked the bldypockets and removed the bldytimetable and bldypens, but it seems one pocket was overlooked.  Oh dear.  Poor Young Lad.  He was told to go the school office and explain what had happened, but Young Lad feels there will be another Penalty for items being put through washing machines.  Once all that drama died down and they headed off to school, Gingercat and I sighed with relief.  Of course, a pop into town and a sit-down in Costalotta was needed for some people after all this early morning grief.

Whilst Young Lad was being collected from after-school cricket practice, I had another look around the food cupboard.  I could just about reach the jumbo packet of conchiglione (pasta shells with a pretentious name), and knocked it off.  I only ate half of this, as it was a jumbo packet bought for an economy drive, but it kept me busy for half an hour in the lounge, ripping into the packet and crunching my way through a couple of hundred grams of dried pasta.  They really were crunchy too, and I imagine this was extremely good dental care for my teeth.  It wasn’t, however, quite so good on the digestion front, as it didn’t sit well with the Paxo from the morning.  There was a lot of terrible flatulence in the evening, with both noise and odour being problematic.   I kept this up all night long, and the house smelled like a sulphur factory this morning.

I’ve been at dear Ebony’s today, which has been rather lovely, although my digestion was still a little up the spout.  I don’t feel it was necessary for my Pack Leader and Ebony’s Pack Leader to compare notes of what I was producing on my Comfort Breaks, though.  It’s so undignified.  Colour and texture are private matters, really, aren’t they.

Tonight’s evening meal ended with the pancakes that Young Lad had made in Food Tech today,  (The tomato soup is next week, you’ll just have to wait  bit longer to see how much skin he peels off his hands.)  The appearance of the pancakes let them down a little, I feel, but then they have been bouncing around in a box in Young Lad’s rucksack since Lesson 3.  Anyway, no matter because they tasted superb, so I’m told, although Lad made lots of gagging noises and clutched his throat dramatically when eating his.  Lad says that cooking is easy and all you have to do is follow a recipe, how hard can it be, when it was pointed out that his repertoire extends to removing fish fingers from the freezer and putting them under the grill.  Lad refused to accept this criticism and is going to learn to cook when he goes to University, but not in the first term as they will live on Ready Meals and MacDonalds.  The point was made that he won’t be able to afford a second term if this is the case.

Well, I’m in the lounge tonight for Boys’ Night as they are watching yet another football match on the telly.  The TV in the other room has another Scandi Nordi Dark thing on – BBC Four never seem to run out of them – and I’d rather listen to football chants than all that darkness.  It is NOT LONG, Readers, before the Royal Wedding, when I’m hoping to pop up to Windsor Castle to be one of the select crowd.  If Meghan in her beautiful dress (rumoured to be costing £400K bldyridiculous)  sets eyes on me, I know that she will stop the carriage and let me jump on board!  Then I can go and live with her and her other Beagle.  I’m confident that she has Paxo stuffing mix in her food cupboard, and won’t shout at me for tucking in.  And I can’t imagine Meghan will discuss texture and colour of things inappropriately with the Queen, as they have greater decorum.

See you soon,

Russell

 

 

 

 

Happiness

IMG_20180421_152745_862 In this diagram, you can see me looking very happy, Readers.  This doesn’t happen often, so have a good look.  The reason I’m so content here is that I’m actually lying in front of the football goal in the garden.  This has stopped Lad and Young Lad playing football, and I found it very amusing.  In another rare show of bonhomie and brotherly love, they had been playing football very cheerfully, until I decided to lie down in the way.  I would not be moved, Friends.  Young Lad stood around assessing the problem and doing nothing about it, whilst Lad tried to cajole me gently out of the way. I growled at him and he backed off.  Then She put her foot firmly under my backside and pushed hard, shouting, “MOVE.”  I did move, but with  plenty of growling and snapping to show who is really in charge.  It had been great fun up till then.

The football goal has seen better days, like everything else in this house. Yesterday, I kid you not,  I saw an attempt made to make the supporting strut straighten up with…………sellotape. Remember the food cupboard in the kitchen, and the velcro strips?  (Yep, they’re still on there.)  Readers, how likely is it that a piece of sellotape is going to hold together a large goal? I despair. I don’t know why they bother with the football goal anyway – as soon as they bought it a couple of years ago, I chewed holes in the net.  It was very funny, as when the holes were discovered, there was Outrage that this was a Faulty Product, and a snotty phone call was made to the goal company, who had to send a replacement net.  It was only when the second net was put on, and holes discovered the next day, that anyone realised it was me chewing the holes.  But did they phone the goal company and apologise for their stern tone the previous week?  Of course not.  So the current goal net has HUGE holes in it and doesn’t do it’s job at all, but of course we’re not buying a bldythird goal net as it’s a waste of bldymoney with me here.

I had two long walks yesterday, despite the high temperatures for this time of year.  I was so hot on one of them, that I took the  unusual step of getting in the river like the other dogs.  I didn’t throw myself in with wild abandon like the silly brown labradors do, but stepped in carefully where I knew it was shallow.  It was lovely and cool.  I stayed in there until a silly brown labrador splashed up to me very roughly and  shook water all over me.  Juvenile.  Most of the day was spent in the garden, and in a drastic turn of events, Lad and Young Lad spent time in the sunshine too! They are beginning to look a little less anaemic than they did a week ago.  Lunch was eaten in the garden, which means lots of begging and whining by the table, and I spent a happy afternoon running to the bird table every time one of the idiot giant collar doves landed on it, making mouldy bread fall to the ground.

When Lad wasn’t playing football in the garden yesterday, he was doing revision and working hard. When Young Lad wasn’t playing football in the garden yesterday, he wasn’t doing anything at all.  This morning he was forcibly positioned in front of the laptop to look at Showmybldyhomework to find out what the “not much” homework actually involved.  There was a lot, and Young Lad has been spoken to about Time Management again.  

On my evening walk last night, I bumped into Nicetallladywiththestaffie.  Seemingly I’m not the only one who has a problem with picnics at this time of year, as Molly the Staffie was making a good attempt at running into the middle of one nice family eating al fresco.  It does make me wonder why you would choose to sit on the grass for a picnic in a popular dog-walking area, but there you go.  Being a balmy Saturday evening, there were many groups of Youths, just Hanging Around and doing Youth type things, like jumping in the river in their boxer shorts to impress the girls.  (I know for a fact there are rats in that river, and am not sure about the wisdom of this.)  Youths apparently need lots of snacks and drinks to Hang Around of a Saturday night, and I’m not sure that all  the things they were doing as they sat on the grass were either safe or legal, but who am I to criticise.  At least they were in the fresh air being unsafe and illegal.  

Coming back from our evening walk we bumped into dear, dear Ebony.  She still has her sore paw bandaged up with a large black sock wrapped round it.  This looks like a boxing glove.  In fact, Ebony tried it out by thumping me round the head with it.  How I laughed – she is a one, old Ebony.

Gingercat was told off yesterday.  I know!  It makes a change, doesn’t it!  She was trying to clean my ears out – I do dislike this, it’s tedious and irritating – and Gingercat kept headbutting me.  This is not safe for my ears, as the impact of Gingercat’s head could jog the cotton wool too far in. Then Gingercat kept yowling and asking for food at hourly intervals throughout the day, and everyone told him to shut up. Poor Gingercat.  This is a dangerous time for Gingercat, as lots of the windows are open and he does like to explore, by climbing through them.  This is ok unless it’s one at the top of the house, as Gingercat isn’t the youngster he thinks he is any more, and climbing out the bathroom window and up on to the roof may be a step too far.

Talking of which, it was the London Marathon today. This ridiculous event requires people to run for 26.3 miles.  I can’t see the point.  Readers, you know a brisk five mile walk is pushing it for me, (and her). They phoned up Nana aged 87 today to tell her there was an 87 year old running the marathon, and that she needed to think on.  Nana aged 87 asked whether it was the Duke Of Edinburgh, who is a game old bird but I suspect not that game.  Anyway, it gave Nana aged 87 something to think about when she next says she can’t walk to the post box and the like.

We had the cockapoo from next door this morning.  After the initial prancing around and being immature, it seemed to settle down and I was able to lay in the sun without being jumped on.  Imagine my delight when I heard the word “barbecue” being mentioned!  One has to seize the day when the sun comes out, and so there has been much barbecuing in back gardens everywhere today. It smelled great, and I whined until a piece of sausage fell onto the ground right near me. He had cooked it to perfection, I have to say.  Well done, He. We waited until the sun had cooled down tonight, to go for a walk – and what superb timing.  Who did I bump into, but dear, dear Pippa!  She jumped on me, over me, into me and all the usual things, knocking me off my feet, and we had a marvellous time.  Then, on the way back, I led her astray.  Pippa was walking along nicely and behaving, when I got a sudden sniff of dumped picnic food and rubbish, about three miles away, and took off like a rocket.  I ran and ran, Pippa in hot pursuit, and we were both told off (me more so of course), when our Pack Leaders finally caught up with us.  Poor Pippa.  I  cheered up nearer home, though, when we stopped to chat to Oscar the Border Terrier.  She warned them about all the picnics and barbecues lying around, and there was general comparison of greedy dog syndrome.  BUT they told us that Oscar has sussed out that whenever you see a pushchair, it often has a tray thing at the bottom, and this ALWAYS has snacks and drinks in it!  Top Tip, Oscar, thanks for that one!

And here endeth a hot, sunny weekend.  Hope you’ve all enjoyed the sunshine.

Bye for now,

Russell

Gardening

20180420_173735 (2) If you remember, Readers, the other evening I sat in the garden for quite a long time, gnawing on an old bone. They all thought I’d dug it up from the flower beds (I use the term loosely), but no!  In actual fact, the old bone was in the bottom of the tub in which She had painstakingly planted carrot seeds last week.  Attracted by the freshly dug earth, I had a good dig down to the bottom, and sure enough there was my old bone.  I thought I’d left one in that tub!  So I chucked the soil all over the place until I could retrieve the bone.  In the diagram you can see the feeble attempts at gardening at my house – a pot of chives, and a tub that wasn’t  big enough to grow carrots in anyway.  So really, I’ve done them a favour by  digging up the carrot seeds, as a much bigger container is needed in all honesty.  Of course this wasn’t appreciated at all, and I was shouted at for leaving soil all over the place and ruining the carrot planting.  This has now been added to the bldylistofjobs for the weekend, with grumbling that re-carrot seed planting wasn’t on the original agenda.

Yesterday was a good day, Friends, as I was at Ebony’s house for the second day running.  I sprinted down the road at 7.30am, whilst Lad and Young Lad were told to get in the ruddy car and bldyhurryup – I was so glad to get into the calm sanctity of Ebony’s house;  I didn’t look back at Pack Leader, but ran straight to the kitchen.  It was marvellous.  The weather was unseasonably hot, and in fact was the hottest April day for forty years or some dull fact like that, so I spent most of it stretched out in Ebony’s garden, on a cushion of course.  I like to think they’ve learned their lesson about expecting me to lie on the hard ground.  It was an exhausting but very pleasant day I must say. Ebony’s Pack Leader took pity on me in the afternoon and gave me some of Ebony’s food, which was a good job really as I had asked for my breakfast at 4.30am and He had been silly enough to give it to me.  I was taken home just before Young Lad and She returned from work/school, and this gave me just enough time to run straight up to the bathroom and empty the bin.  It was a lovely evening, but I really didn’t need another walk, and wasn’t best pleased at being dragged round the rec.  However, there were lots of dodgy looking teenagers hanging out in groups over there, which is a bit intimidating, so we cut short the evening walk as the ambience wasn’t quite right. 

It was another early start this morning, with the 6 o’clock alarm.  I was left with my Kong, in which some old hummus had been stuffed (no, it’s not the first time, Regular Readers, is it?) and two small crusty bits from Young Lad’s toast.  This was all mashed and rammed down as hard as possible, in the hope that it would take me ages to get it all out.  It didn’t.  I had pretty much finished by the time the car left the drive.  So while I waited for Pippa’s Pack Leader to collect me, I opened the food cupboard and had a good look, but was irritated to find that the pasta had all been pushed to the back of the tins shelf and I couldn’t reach it.  You know how much I enjoy throwing macaroni round the lounge carpet.  I did think about pulling the tins off again, but was interrupted by the arrival of Pippa’s Pack Leader.  I then had a lovely day at dear, dear Pippa’s house but spent most of it asleep in awkward angles on the soft furnishings.

IMAG0643 (1) This diagram shows how incredibly flexible my neck and spine are, and yes, I was quite comfortable thank you.  I know it looks weird.

IMAG0642 (1) Then I decided to hide from Pippa, and as you can see, found a very clever hiding place, by disguising myself as the throw on the rocking chair.  

Readers, today at work She had a conversation with another colleague, who is thinking of getting a dog.  Do you know what She said?  “Don’t get a beagle.”  The rudeness of this.  How hurtful!  Yes, we know Beagles can be a little challenging and stubborn, and somewhat food-obsessed, but that is part of our charm.  This colleague then said she quite liked my close relative – the Bassett Hound!  Seriously, don’t make me laugh.  They are slow, fat and can’t chase after anything, open cupboards, eat 10 inch triple layer chocolate birthday cakes, etc etc.  There is no contest.  Sicknote had a Bassett Hound and said it was like taking a brick for a walk. Admittedly I’m making some really bad smells tonight, and not doing a lot for the reputation of my breed, but that can’t be helped.

It’s Friday night at bldy last, someone is saying, and the Slovenly Pizza evening is underway.  I whined a lot which resulted in some carrot ends and two little pieces of crust, but when Young Lad dropped a cherry tomato on the floor, I wasn’t impressed. Tasteless cheap rubbish. Young Lad is glad it’s the weekend and says he hasn’t got much homework, probably one piece.  This is unlikely, and once he can be bothered to load up ShowMyBldyHomework on the laptop,  will probably find he has six pieces that need to be in on Monday.   She will be very pleased about this, as supervising Young Lad doing his homework is A Lot Of Fun and a Special Treat at the weekends.  Lad was late home from school tonight due to a detention – to be fair, this was a historic detention for crimes committed before Easter.  A lot of them. Poor Lad.  Lad is now happily shouting on the Xbox and it sounds like a very pleasant game that he’s playing.  Poor He has to get up early again tomorrow for work – I hope He does this quietly – so has just opened a nice bottle of red to celebrate. Gordon is in the fridge and I’m wondering what my Friday night treat is.  I think we all know there won’t be one.

Do you know, Readers, while I’ve been writing my blog tonight there has been an advert on TV starring a Beagle, and one featuring a Bassett!  What are the chances of that!  Of course the Beagle advert was much funnier and more interesting. Award-winning, I would say.

Golly I really have cracked a couple of shockers tonight, even if I say so myself. One was quite loud too.  Time for the Yankee Candles.

See you soon,

Russell

Pleasant pheasant

The common pheasant. Photograoh courtesy of Pat Kavanagh 6799342829_caed102bda  You would not believe how close I was yesterday, Readers, to catching my own dinner.  We were up in Top Field on our first walk of the day, and whilst She stomped on ahead, I faffed around in the middle of the field where the long grass is.  I had picked up the scent of something rather marvellous, and I was not prepared to listen to the whistle or shrieking voice from across the field.  Suddenly, I caught sight of something moving ahead of me in the long grass, and being a Hunting Dog, I put my nose to the ground and ran.  I also made my special Hunting noise, which I like to think is a rich, deep braying sound, but am told it’s a silly high pitched squeak.  I ran round and round in circles braying/squeaking – right at the last moment a pheasant rose up into the air a mere inch or two from my jaws.  It flew off, but I was incredibly pleased with myself.  And exhausted.  So it was unfair to make me march for another two miles after that, when I was clearly worn out.  

The only respite from this fast marching was caused by yet another Good Citizen moment.  We had one of these on the way back from the pub the other night, when a small Cockapoo type thing ran out of a house and charged up and down the pavement, with no owner in sight.  Fearing an unpleasant death underneath a passing car, or just being an Interfering Cow, whichever way you want to look at it, She leapt into action and chased after this poor creature, grabbing it roughly and picking it up.  Clasped tightly to her chest, it was then returned to its grateful owner who didn’t realise the front door was open. In Top Field yesterday, there was another big Cockapoo type thing (why are there so many of them?) with rather long, bushy fur.  The problem with long, bushy fur is that if you then jump into a ditch full of brambles, the spikes get caught in your fur and you emerge with half a bush attached to you.   I was left and ignored for simply AGES while a gallant effort was made to help the Cockapoo’s Pack Leader try to untangle their dog.  It took two people and about ten minutes to achieve this.   I was very bored by it all, and I don’t think the suggestion of bringing scissors out on the next walk was all that helpful.

Once I’d been dragged out for a second walk in the evening, I had been made to cover a ridiculous 5.3 miles  in total. I got my own back a little, by emitting some shocking smells from my armchair, which really served them right.  I could barely move.  Thankfully I was at dear, dear Ebony’s house today for respite, and as Ebony still has a bandaged paw from where she jumped over the fence the other day, we went for a sensible short walk.  It was plenty. I spent the rest of the time dozing in the sunshine in the garden – and this is the lifestyle that I prefer.  Ebony’s Pack Leader understands my needs better than my own family.  

I had feared more arduous walking tomorrow, but luckily Colleague 1 has come to my rescue and asked her to work.  This is kind of him, and I am grateful for this.  It means I have another day at dear Ebony’s house, laying in the sunshine.  It’s meant to be very warm, and Colleague 1 has done me a huge favour. I’m not sure my welfare and mental health were his prime concern, but that doesn’t matter.

Tonight everyone looks rather tired, and you’re quite fortunate really that the blog is being written.  Lad and She went to the Important Place in London today for yet another appointment, which meant trains and underground In The Heat.  There has been non-stop moaning about what this has cost – bldy £80 – because Lad is now of an age where he has to pay bldyadultfare and because they had to get a train at bldy 9am no railcard could be bldy used.  And of course the £80 was before they had had anything to eat or drink, and we all know that would have been factored into the morning somewhere.  Regular Readers may remember that on their last visit, there was some dissatisfaction in Costalotta Holborn about the butter/toast ratio so Lad decided on a bacon roll today, to play safe.  She had nothing but an Americano as the day had cost a bldy fortune.  And don’t we know it.  The good news was that Lad was just in time to get back to school for some of the afternoon, which pleased him greatly.  Readers, on the underground train it was standing room only, apparently, and a very civilised gentleman gave up his seat for her.  But what do you know?  She was very offended by this, as it meant he thought She was either old or pregnant, and it’s hard to tell which.  Some people are never happy.

Lad was quite happy, actually.  The people at the Important Place in London told Lad that he needs more salt in his diet, to counteract any dizzy spells he gets.  This meant an immediate trip to Dreggs round the corner for a slice of Pepperoni and a bag of crisps.  The Extremely Healthy Poached Salmon salad produced last  night for dinner, is not doing Lad any good at all.  I feel for him.  

This evening it has just been Lad and I here, as Young Lad had his first outdoor cricket training of the year.  Normally I go to this – I like to think I’m the club mascot – but tonight I was left at home as someone was too bldy tired to keep walking me round the pitch for an hour and a half.  Chatting with her friend in the bar was a preferred option tonight, and I bark and grizzle if we stop to talk to people. as I like to walk round eating the bird poo off the grass. Poor He is working Ridiculous Hours now it is the summer term, and didn’t get home till late tonight.  I barely see He at the moment.  I chose to ignore him  when He did roll home, and lie in the garden chewing a bone that I’d dug up after all Lad’s gardening efforts the other day.  I suspect He was a little hurt by this, but there you go.

So tomorrow, to Ebony’s house again – thank you to the one who made it possible, as 5.3 miles of stomping in 25 degrees is no laughing matter.

See you soon,

Russell

Up the pub

s-l300 Yesterday, Readers, I was forced out on not one, not two, but THREE walks.  This is utterly ludicrous.  It started well enough in the morning, when He and Young Lad took me down to the river – this was a nice, pleasant, relaxed walk which is exactly how walks are meant to be.  Then, after lunch, She needed her bldy exercise quotient, and dragged me out again – but of course it was the usual speedy stomp, with lots of shouting at me to hurry up.  Neither pleasant, nor relaxed for two miles.  And THEN, Readers, soon after we got home, He suggested we all go for an evening drink up the road and blow me down, my lead was put on yet again and I had to walk up to the pub!!  I could barely move.  Once in the pub, I spread myself out across the swirly carpet and slept.  I was shattered.

Today has been SO much more reasonable.  He, She and Young Lad had all left the house by 7.30 this morning to go back to school/work, and I curled up on Young Lad’s bed with Gingercat for a peaceful lie-in.  Lad was in his bed, as there was a Staff Training Day at his school, and I was very happy with this, as I knew for a fact that Lad wouldn’t be dragging me out for long walks, even though he had been instructed to.  In fact, Lad gave me a very sensible walk up to the Post Office, through the rec and home again.  Perfect.  No shouting at me, no stopping to gossip with all the other Pack Leaders, no checking the Runkeeper app to see how fast we were going. Lad has the right idea and it was a lovely day – when not walking to the Post Office, I slept soundly by his side on the sofa.  Lad did more revision, and frankly I don’t know how he still has the will to live.  He ate a very healthy balance of tomato soup and crisps for lunch, as yet again there is NOTHING to eat in this house.

Young Lad’s first day back was very full-on, and I should think he’s worn out. Not content with PE this morning, Young Lad went to Handball club at lunchtime and then Cricket training after school! This meant three separate lots of shoe-changing during the day, which is exhausting in itself.  It gets worse as the week goes on, with Wednesday being a non-stop whirr of activity (school cricket at lunchtime,  local cricket in the evening….) Poor, poor Young Lad.  Whilst I am glad that he is enjoying Healthy Outdoor Pursuits such as these, I do think the last two weeks spent lounging on the sofa were very important preparation for all this.   One has to have a balance in life.  Young Lad has also just announced it’s Food Tech day tomorrow, but before he was moaned at, realised it’s Theory so there is no need for the stressy look through the food cupboard for ingredients. One less drama.

I’m in a very barky mood tonight.  Being a light evening, there are lots of people walking past my house taking their dogs out for an evening stroll.  This is annoying me intensely and I feel the need to bark loudly and rather hysterically at each one.  Young Lad and She keep telling me off.  Lad is upstairs doing something about his pigsty of a bedroom – he came  back after thirty seconds, saying that he’d finished, and was sent back to try a little harder.  Wet Sham are playing Stoke tonight, so He has gone up to London to watch the match.  Good luck with that. He hasn’t missed out on a great dinner, to be honest; it was macaroni cheese (yes again), but  She wasn’t concentrating whilst making the sauce, and it was decidedly lumpy.  This is what happens if you try to top up Young Lad’s  school dinner money account (£3.20 in arrears today), text your friend Sicknote and whip up a smooth roux all at the same time.  Something has to give, and it was the consistency of the roux.  Not enough beating at the flour and butter stage.   Disappointing.  However all was not lost, as Young Lad, Lad and I enjoyed it. Lad and Young Lad had HUGE portions, seconds and thirds, whilst I had a tiny scrape as the bowl was put in the dishwasher. I don’t get offered seconds, you notice.  There was apple crumble for pudding, and I wasn’t offered this, either.

Readers, I feel very sorry for dear, dear Ebony today.  Feeling inquisitive, she jumped over her garden fence into the neighbour’s garden, misjudging this slightly and landing on some sharp stone, which cut her paw.  She received very little sympathy from her Pack Leader, who said she shouldn’t have been jumping over the fence in the first place.  However she did bathe it and put a bandage on, and now poor Ebony looks quite sorry for herself.  Ebony and I don’t get the right level of sympathy from our Pack Leaders – it saddens me.

Young Lad has just announced that he does, in fact, need his PE kit for tomorrow for Basketball at lunctime. Unfortunately it has macaroni cheese and apple crumble down the front, so now has to be bldywashed and bldydried by tomorrow morning.  I sense some displeasure about this.  Poor Young Lad – instead of celebrating his new-found enthusiasm for Physical Activity, he is being moaned at for being a messy eater.  Young Lad is unappreciated at times, and I know how he feels.

Golly, those three walks yesterday have really taken it out of me, and I have no choice but to sleep heavily and snore extremely loudly all evening through whatever they are watching on telly.  It’s probably rubbish, anyway.  I have my clinically depressed facial expression on at the moment, which is actually sheer exhaustion but they choose to say I look miserable.

Meghan Markle would never say I look miserable, or make me walk up the pub.

Bye for now,

Russell

Subbuteo

IMG_20180413_123614_473 In this diagram, Readers, you can see me really enjoying a game of Subbuteo.  Regular Readers will know that Gingercat and I love it when anyone gets a board game out at home, as we like to lie/walk all over the middle of it.  So when Young Lad set up his Subbuteo, I was very excited.  You may be wondering why you can’t see any players, and whether I’ve chewed them up.  I haven’t.  Young Lad has arranged them all in one corner of the pitch, having a fight.

This was yesterday, and our walks both then and today have been to the rhythm of My Perfect Cousin, by the Undertones.  More dated early Eighties tunes.  This is because there is a line in that song about Subbuteo, so whenever Young Lad’s football game comes out (twice a year), we have to sing, “he always beat me at Subbuteo, cos he flicked to kick, and I didn’t know.”   Dear Lord.  Other than that, it’s been a reasonable couple of days, I suppose.  Yesterday I was FINALLY left on my own for an hour, while Young Lad and Lad were dragged bodily out of the house and forced to go into town.  Some bribery was needed, in the form of lunch at Costalotta, but this was a necessary evil in order to get them out in the fresh air.  Anyway, I made the most of my “me” time, by playing the Let’s Remove an Important Ingredient game that I made up.  I opened the food cupboard, dragged the half-full packet of macaroni into the lounge and ate it.  It was crunchy.  I hid the packet under the table, as I’m not always untidy.  Then I was still rather bored, so I pulled her big winter coat off the banisters and into the lounge.  I knew darned well that there had been some dog treats in the pocket on our walk in the morning, and was determined to find them.  So determined, in fact, that I ripped a massive hole in the pocket, looking for them.  This was worth the effort, as I found them and they went down a treat after the crunchy macaroni.  Of course I was shouted at when they came home from town, with the silly, “WHO did this?” rigmarole that we go through each time, but I wasn’t bothered. 

The weather was still rubbish yesterday, but of course I was dragged out for two long walks, totalling nearly five miles. Hideous.  We bumped into Rocco the Inspirational Three-Legged dog, and of course had to stand there for absolutely ages, telling him how inspirational he was, as he rolled around on the grass waving his three paws.  I was bored witless.  Rocco thoroughly enjoyed all this, and milked it for all it was worth. Tedious.  The evening was more enjoyable, as it was Friday Slovenly Pizza night, so I whinged and whined quite a  lot, to make the point crystal clear.  There was some success in terms of thin crusty bits and some carrots.  It was peaceful in the lounge in front of the telly all evening, although we could hear Lad playing something called Fortnite on the Xbox in the other room.  This seems to be very exciting, because he frequently shouted, “Dear Me How Vexing!!” and things like that.  I’m glad he was enjoying himself.

I had hoped for a lie-in this morning, being Saturday, but no, He had to go into work very early, so I was disturbed at 6am as usual.  But Readers, the sun was out! What a beautiful day today at last – warm sunshine in which to bask.  They had lunch in the garden, which I always enjoy as I can sit with them and beg, and really everyone had a spring in their step and extra energy today.  For example, Lad did a couple of hours of gardening, interrupted every so often by the need for a break or ice lolly.  He even Took His Top Off.  Lad pays much attention to detail when weeding.  What he lacks in speed, he makes up for in thoroughness.  Slightly annoyingly, Lad dug up what appeared to be an old bone of mine, that I had buried a couple of years ago.  There was  a mushroom growing out of it.  I’ve now got to find a new burial place, but that’s ok as She dug over the big tubs in which they attempt to grow carrots etc.  These tubs are now full of nice freshly dug soil, so I will bury my bone back in that. It will give me something to do.  So Lad was out in the sunshine for a long time this afternoon, and so was Young Lad!  Now Young Lad didn’t do any gardening – he was tired out from putting away four huge bags of food shopping – but he was made to stay out in the sunshine for several hours in an attempt to make his skin look less transparent.

When He came home from work, we were all out in the garden!  Yes, you would easily have mistaken us for a normal family, chatting to the neighbours and everything.  All that because the sun came out.  She popped over to ToysRPetsRVetsRuS or whatever it’s called, and bought me a new whistle at long last.  Of course there was a lengthy conversation with the lady on the till about bldy beagles and what a bldy nightmare they are.  Nice.  

Readers, I don’t like the exposure to chemicals with which I’ve been confronted today.  Firstly, the Oven Has Been Cleaned.  It was utterly disgusting, and some very heavy duty Oven Cleaning Stuff had to be brushed all over the shop this morning, and left on for hours. There were lots of HAZARD!! warnings all over the box containing this stuff, with severe warnings of what would happen if anyone touched it.  Well She ignored the advice about wearing gloves up to your shoulders, and some of the stuff splashed on her arms, so we’ll find out how caustic it really is.  Then, if hydrogen peroxide wasn’t enough, I was grabbed roughly by the scruff of the neck this afternoon, and Flea Treatment was squirted on me.  I now have nasty sticky bits on the back of my neck. None of this can be safe.

After my second long walk tonight, we came home to find Lad, Young Lad and He all playing football in the garden!  It was really rather remarkable.  Admittedly Lad was in bare feet which wasn’t a great idea on the wet muddy lawn, but they were having such a nice time.  A family game of football! So I joined in, by running around frantically with a tennis ball in my mouth, growling.   I wasn’t sure how to play football, but  it was important to embrace the  Good Mood brought on by some sunshine.  It’s meant to be cloudy tomorrow.

Well, I’m worn out from the long walks, football, Subbuteo and general goings-on.  Time for a kip.

See you soon,

Russell

Lost

lost-clipart-1 Readers, I barely have the strength to write this tonight.  Not content with the three mile march round the fields this morning, She took me out again this afternoon, and decided to pop something through Pippa’s Pack Leader’s door on the way back.  Sadly, it proved rather challenging finding Pippa’s house, even though we have been there hundreds of times, but it seems approaching it from a slightly different angle (ie the river) is a step too far. It took half an hour of wandering round a housing estate, pretending we knew where we were going, before we found it.  Honestly, it beggars belief, Friends.  This is supposed to be a responsible dog owner.  I am beyond exhausted now, and fit only for my armchair.  Frankly I’m amazed the problematic pelvic floor weakness held up on this epic walk, though it was a close run thing by the time we got home.  Serves her right.

Dear me.  Apart from this, it’s been a fairly nice day.  I emptied the bin in the downstairs toilet again, which had more of Lad’s nutritious snacks packaging in it. I wasn’t keen on going for a walk this morning, having had two every day for the past fortnight, but cheered up when I bumped into a Pug/Terrier cross thing called Rodney.  He was very playful, which I’m not, but Rodney didn’t take no for an answer and kept chasing me.  There seemed to be a lot of laughing about his name; is Rodney really an unusual name for a dog?  I don’t see what’s so funny. It seemed rude to me. Anyway, I fancied a slower stroll than usual today – there was so much to sniff and look at, so I ended up being a long way behind all the time.  This was annoying, judging by the amount of shouting and moaning at me.  Eventually I was put on the lead so that I would bldy hurry up. Up in Top Field there was a cracking fresh pile of fox poo – it must have been produced very recently – and I was millimetres away from sliding in it, Friends.  I had forgotten that I was on the lead, though, and was yanked away in the nick of time.  This irritated me intensely.   Back down by the river, guess what flew over the top of us?  None other than the Bastard Swans.  Unbelievable.  As if it’s not bad enough that they swim menacingly up and down the river, eyeballing every poor creature walking past, they can also fly above us.  Do they do this quietly and unobtrusively? Oh no, they announce their presence with loud honking and squawking.  What a racket.  They frightened the life out of me.  Hate them.

Lad and Young Lad have spent yet another two days indoors.  They now look like vampires due to lack of exposure to the sun/Vitamin D.  To be fair, Young Lad did come out for one of my walks yesterday (the shorter one, obviously)  and has appeared in the garden for ten minutes to kick a ball around, but that’s it.  Lad has worked very hard, even though he feels 9.30 am is FAR too early to get up, and TOTALLY UNREASONABLE.  Young Lad accidentally forgot that he does, in fact, have some homework to do, having spent the last ten days denying this.  He was pinned to the table today for over an hour today to Bldy Well Get On With It.  He has had to consider the events leading up to the death of Thomas Becket. This is something to do with Henry II, the Pope and a small disagreement .  Well done, Young Lad. Young Lad also announced that his school have sent an email saying they are having another week off, but of course nobody believes him.  Young Lad would quite like another week of hanging round the house and forgetting to get dressed of a day.

Yesterday She met up with an old friend from the West Country.  Now this friend is a HUGE fan of my blog, and would LOVE to have met me.  But would She take me to Barstucks?  No She wouldn’t.  By all accounts I would have been a bldypain trying to hoover up crumbs of muffin from the floor, and they wouldn’t have been able to chat properly.  Well, Friends, it might be nice to give me the benefit of the ruddy doubt occasionally!  Hurtful.  Doubtless they had a lovely time.

Readers, I don’t know how Young Lad is going to cope next week when they go back to school.  Yesterday he said he only wanted to wear his dressing gown in the morning, not his onesie, as onesies “are a lot of effort” to put on.   I do see his point.  And the other day, when he forgot to get dressed all day, he sighed at dinner time and said, “where on earth has today gone?”  I fear the genteel pace at which he has lived for the last ten days is going to be in stark contrast to the new term at school.  Oh dear.  

The dishwasher- loading was such a disappointment tonight, Readers.  Seemingly, the macaroni cheese was delicious this evening, which makes a change as it normally dries out to mustardy stodge.  But with a more generous proportion of cheese sauce, every last morsel was eaten and the plates were scraped clean.  This is selfish. I had to run off with Gingercat’s half- full food bowl instead. I needed something to settle my nerves, as it has been a little stressful at times today.  New window-cleaners came round this morning – two of them!  I’m used to the same chap that’s been doing it for donkey’s years. He is quiet and doesn’t alarm me.  But recently he fell off a ladder – stop sniggering – and now two men do his window-cleaning round.  They not only put ladders up against my windows, but they CHAT, SING and sometimes have music on.  This was too much for me, and I went berserk.  It was very upsetting.  No sooner had they gone, than the doorbell went again!  More barking needed – but praise the Lord, it was my food delivery. 

Well, Readers, time to settle down for a sleep.  Young Lad is asking, from the sofa, when the chocolate cake in the oven is likely to be ready.  I’m interested in this, too.  Though I barely have the strength to raise my head, after getting lost tonight.  Ridiculous.

Bye for now,

Russell

Cushioning

20180410_110711 This diagram, Readers, shows the problems I had with one of the cushions this morning.  I simply could not get comfortable with the damned thing, no matter how I pulled it around.  In the end, I decided to pull all the insides of it out, which made all the difference.  Oh don’t worry – the zip on the cushion has been broken for well over a year and nobody in this slovenly house has bothered to sew it up.  I didn’t break it; I’m not wilfully destructive you know.  Anyway, don’t I look comfortable here?!  It was worth the effort.

Yesterday it rained rather a lot ALL day.  Nonetheless I was dragged out for two walks, and we both came home extremely muddy each time.  Lad was working hard again all day on his revision, and Young Lad wasn’t working hard at all.  In fact, at 5pm Young Lad realised he’d accidentally left his pyjamas on all day, but obviously it wasn’t worth doing anything about it at that stage.  Disgusting. In the morning She ‘popped into town’ and met an old friend.  Just for a change they swapped stories about teenagers, exams and Life in General. Sigh.  In the afternoon, Readers, after  Lad and Young Lad had gourmet fish finger sandwiches for lunch again, She went out to visit someone, who for the purposes of my blog will be known as Batch.  Readers, I simply will not go into details about what they discussed – it is really rather ridiculous and I don’t know what the matter is with them.  All I will say, is that it concerns the Future Of My Blog.  Now Batch, who knows a thing or two about these things, started fiddling around with the Text Widgets of my blog, because, he says, it is rather bland.  The rudeness!  I know what I’d like to do to his Widgets!!  Bland, indeed.  But to be fair, he is only trying to help so I will let that one go.  For now.   But I will be watching him carefully.

Readers, I am rather worried about Lad and his state of mind.  At lunchtime yesterday, whilst revising, he asked her if She had a ouija board he could borrow.  I know!  Who asks their mother that kind of question?!!  Aghast, She said of course I haven’t got a bldyouijaboard why do you want a bldyouijaboard?  Lad said he wanted to file a sharp piece of nail.  Lad needs to learn the difference between a ouija board, and an emery board.  Then today, whilst studying Maths, he asked whether a constant was a letter.  After much discussion, he realised the difference between the mathematical term “constant”  and a “consonant.”  I fear Lad is working way too hard and needs to have some fun.

Last night, dear, dear Ebony’s Pack Leader sent us a message, to say she’d been baking again.  Remember the Easter Sunday carrot cake of which Ebony checked the consistency?  Well, lessons have not been learned.  This time it was an apple cake, which sounds delicious, and had been pushed to the back of the working surface to cool down.  This was a mistake.  It should have been locked in the garden shed if they didn’t want Ebony to eat half of it again.  I fear people need to learn from their mistakes, not repeat them.

I was rather bored this morning, and unusually for me, decided to play up a bit even though there were three people at home.  (Only poor He is still getting up at 6am and going to work.)  So I had  a look in the downstairs toilet to see if there was a snack in the bin.

20180410_110736There wasn’t, but I threw some rubbish round the floor anyway.  The JUNK that Lad has been eating and drinking over this Easter break is shocking.  I suppose he needs some pleasure in his life.  Early on today, Lad and Young Lad were left here yet again (I suspect they are beginning to feel as unwanted as I do) while She met Loadsakids for brunch.  Now normally this involves them both hugging a cup of coffee tightly for comfort, whilst shaking their heads about bldy dogs/bldy teenagers/bldy exams/ bldy  school holidays/bldy clearing out the loft etc etc.  How much more satisfying this was for them today, as they were able to jab forkfuls of scrambled or poached egg in the air to emphasise a point!  Really rather therapeutic. I think they’ll be doing this again.

Down at the river on my first walk today, I saw in the distance the petite but bouncy form of my dear friend Lola, the smaller beagle.  Now Lola is smaller than myself, Barney the Oh So Adorable Beagle, or any other of the ruddy beagles down there.  Lola is sweet and pretty.  And prone to naughtiness.  It was entirely Lola’s fault the other day, that I ended up running into someone’s back garden after her – it was Lola’s idea, and I was simply following along like a responsible friend, to ensure her safety.  There was no need to scream GETOUTOFTHATGARDEN at me and run like a banshee across the grass waving the pink ball flinger thing.  I needed to make sure Lola was safe.  Do I get thanked for this sense of responsibility?  Do I heck.  Lola was down there again today, and we had so much fun leaping around.   I decided not to push my luck and head to the back gardens again though.  On tonight’s walk – quite a balmy evening, the sun nearly came out! – I waded through the floods in the field which may or may not be sewage infested.  I was shouted at, yet again.  

Paperwork has been attempted here today, Readers.  This involves opening all the house insurance/pet insurance/car insurance reminders that came in February and there hasn’t been bldy time to look at.  They have, of course, auto-renewed at three times the price of those She’s found on Moneysavingsupermarketty thing tonight.  There is now a bad mood and tomorrow’s jobs include ringing each of the insurance companies to see how much it will be to cancel and transfer to a cheaper one.  This is a rightbldyfaff and She is annoyed.  Friends, how many times have I said it.  Time. Management.  It is now April, and Moneysavingsupermarketty thing should have been looked at in February.  It’s not difficult.

Readers, Young Lad left the house today!  Yes, showered and dressed too.  He hung out with his friend in Dreggs and Poundworld for an hour, having a lovely time.  Such simple pleasures.  Tonight, it’s Boys Night in the lounge, as He, Lad and Young Lad are all watching Manchester City in the Champions League.  It’s dull, but less so than the ScandiNordiNoir drama thing that will be on in the other room.  Over dinner, the outcome of tonight’s match was predicted by Lad, who is bound to be right, and there was a Heavy Discussion about the right to protect one’s property.  Lad feels strongly that if one’s property is being burgled, one has the right to smack the burglar as hard as you like, and if you kill them that’s not your fault.  Lad has chosen to do A Level Philosophy, remember.

Golly I’m ready for a kip in my chair.  Keep well, Friends.

Bye for now,

Russell