Shopping

Recently, Readers, I was taken shopping to PetsRVetsRUs or whatever it’s called. I do love a trip to the pet shop because there is always a load of spilled food/biscuits under the shelves so I like to wedge myself under each and every shelf, clearing up. This can be intensely annoying for whoever is holding my lead as I suddenly disappear under the cat food display with a violent lurch that can send them off balance, but never mind. I had a marvellous time in the pet shop and found a lot to eat. My New Buddy bought me a whole load of stuff that She said snippily I don’t need, but thankfully my New Buddy doesn’t listen to her so we came out with armfuls of bones and treats.

It’s been ages since my last blog and I do apologise, but as usual there has been Medical Drama every few days at my house and it really does become quite tedious. Young Lad will keep having his funny turns and there has been a lot of toing and froing which annoys me. Most of the time I’ve been at daycare at dear, dear Ebony or Pippa’s houses where I have been able to sleep in the nicest armchairs they have and so recover from all the stress that I’m under. Really, it’s too much. I added to the fun of a particularly fraught day last Friday when She and Young Lad had been in hospital all day – dear, dear Ebony’s Pack Leader dropped me home a mere THIRTY MINUTES before their return, but in that time I managed to pull a box of cat food off the working surface in the kitchen and rip open nine sachets under the dining room table. I ate the lot and spat the packaging around the floor. The house absolutely stank on their weary return, and I was shouted at. I couldn’t care less. I was packed into the car and taken to New Buddy’s house – do you know, Readers, She didn’t even clear up the cat food packaging as She was Too Bldy Tired? I know! Slovenly!! Poor Lovelydor down the road cleared it up when she came to feed Gingercat. Lovelydor should not have to do this and I was aghast that Pack Leader took such a poor attitude.

The thing with cat food, Friends, is that it’s quite rich and gravyish so having eaten nine sachets of it, as well as a large dinner at dear Ebony’s house, my digestive system wasn’t the best that evening. I passed horrific smells all evening and throughout the night – indeed the room was filled with a green sulphuric fog by the next day. I then went out into the garden and deposited lots of cow pats on the grass, which weren’t the easiest to clear up but there you go. I felt much better once that lot was out of my system and ignored everyone moaning at me about the smell. I had enjoyed the nine sachets of cat food and would happily do it again.

It was due to this that I was taken to PetsRVetsRUs or whatever it’s called, as it was decided I needed an urgent supply of charcoal biscuits to help with my wind, and a bone to help firm things up. Then we went into town and sat outside our usual cafe, where I am now a regular and receive lots of attention and the odd dog treat, and as usual I stamped my feet and whined while it took them ages to drink a coffee. New Buddy had a bacon sandwich, and I was quite keen to help him out with this, but it started raining so we had to take cover and I didn’t get as much of the bacon as I would have liked. I did bark and whinge quite a bit though, and got on She’s nerves.

I went to the cafe the next day too. It rained again.

Down at the river the other day, Friends, I noticed that the Bastard Swans are back and yet again they have bred and produced more Bastard Swans. She says they are called cygnets and are beautiful, but we all know they will just grow up to be Bastard Swans that hiss at me and rear up whenever I wander along. Hate them. We had a lovely walk all along the river, over the bridge, up through Pheasant Field and to the lake in the woods. It was jolly nice and even She thought all was well with the world. Briefly.

The other morning started well as Gingercat sicked up his breakfast on the landing whilst She was in the shower and Young Lad was still in bed – I cleared it up for them as I am very good like that. All that remained when She came out of the shower was a nasty wet patch and a bad smell. A quick rub with Dr Beckmann’s carpet remover soon sorted that. Poor Gingercat was very hungry as he forgot he had eaten breakfast then sicked it up so asked for more breakfast and was moaned at.

Gingercat is quite old but doesn’t realise this. The other day he mistook himself for a guard dog and apprehended an intruder in the garden.

Previously he had been seen kissing the top of Action Man’s Head so I think Gingercat has some issues around his identity.

It was dear, dear Ebony’s birthday recently and I love it when Ebony or my other friend Pippa have birthdays, as their Pack Leaders make them Liver Cake. They always bring me a piece. It’s delicious. My Pack Leader doesn’t make me Liver Cake, of course. Though I had a culinary delight at New Buddy’s house over the weekend – not only was there a small offering from the bacon roll, but New Buddy had something called Black Pudding for breakfast and gave me some. It was divine, Readers, really divine. Then New Buddy The Younger gave me some of his bacon from breakfast and I really did have a jolly time. Much nicer than I ever have in my own house.

She cut the grass the other day and the garden looked nice for a few minutes. I dragged some Easter egg boxes out of the recycling bag and ripped them up all over the place. It didn’t look nice for long. Then I found the green compost bag with the food scraps in and ripped that up too, eating the egg shells and carrot peelings. It was fun.

Readers, while Young Lad was having one of his many visits to hospital today, his very lovely Special Nurse Donna happened to notice that my blog was underway on the laptop. Special Nurse Donna comes from Australia and mentioned that she has a friend in Australia who rescues Beagles! Yes! What a coincidence! So I am sending Special Nurse Donna my blog details so that she can pass it on to her friend, and my Australian fan base might expand beyond the four it currently averages out at.

The other day She was trying to pack her overngiht bag and was hunting through the toiletries for her pack of silicon earplugs. She couldn’t find them. This is because I had already emptied her toiletry bag on the bedroom floor and run off with the pack of silicon ear plugs. I hid under the dining room table, chewed my way through the packaging and the plastic box, and ate all six silicon earplugs. As usual these came out whole in my comfort breaks a few days later. She was very annoyed as they cost £5 a packet and She had to buy a new box.

Lad is away at university though he did pop back again last week. Lad has a habit of doing this, as Regular Readers know, and I find it very confusing. This time when Lad popped back, he then returned to university but forgot to take his laptop with him. I gather laptops are quite essential at university because Lad realised his mistake a few days later, said “oh bother” and had to come all the way back again to fetch it. Poor Lad. He is under an awful strain what with exams and the poxy campus laundrette.

Well, Friends, it has been an exhausting few days and I have no choice but to lie upside down in my chair now.

Enjoy being able to sit inside pubs and restaurants again, Friends – it’s terribly exciting and I know some of you have rushed out tonight for a beverage or two. Cheers!

Take care,

Russell