I was extremely irritated the other day, Friends. When they were all out I rummaged around in Lad’s school rucksack, and found a very old Cadbury’s Brunch Bar at the bottom. It wasn’t in the best condition and Lad clearly doesn’t want it so I selflessly took it out of his bag for him. I decided to bury it in my chair, underneath the annoying sheet.
What do you know? She came in and started doing the bldycleaning, and found my Brunch Bar in my chair. It was taken out and put on the shelf in the back porch. Oh fools! I soon grabbed it and ran off down the garden. It is simply unacceptable to dig things up that I have carefully buried, so I re-buried it behind the Philadelphus bush. There was the usual yelling and moaning at me, but I have buried it deep and I know EXACTLY where it is, when I want it at a later date.
It’s been a funny couple of days as She has been at work, and Lad, Young Lad and I have been left on our own. We actually really enjoyed this as there was nobody here to make us do things. Oh there have been frequent text messages shouting DOG WALK! or DISHWASHER B4 XBOX! or GET THE WASHING IN!! and other inane commands. Generally we’ve ignored them, though, and carried on binge watching Family Guy. It’s been very chilled and I do like being with Lad and Young Lad. Reluctantly I went for a walk with them yesterday, and decided to liven things up a bit by rolling in some cack. Young Lad tried to catch me so I ran off in the opposite direction, and then Young Lad AND Lad had to run after me. It was very funny.
Today when they took me out, there was a MASSIVE pile of fresh cack by the river and I was heading towards it with glee, but was beaten to it by another dog. He was rolling over and over in brown gloop and his Pack Leader was going ballistic. Unfortunately I had been slowed down by stopping to watch, and Lad put me back on the lead. This annoyed me. In the evening, She took me for another walk and we were nearly beaten back by an awful stench in the air. It pervaded everything! People had to close their windows as it was filling their houses, and we had to walk home fast with her nose buried in her t-shirt to avoid the reek. Lucky She – I didn’t have a t-shirt in which to bury my nose. Through discussion with other dog walkers, we concluded that the smell was either from the sewage works or some nice farmers out for an evening’s muck-spreading. It was shocking.
Readers, I have to say I’m a little disappointed. Look, in my last blog I set you the task of spotting two Shakespeare quotes, and not one of you has risen to the challenge. For goodness’ sake! I go to all this trouble to be academic for you. I can only surmise that you’ve all been busy.
There was a very strange smell in here last evening, and for once it wasn’t my fault. After all the walking on their Amazing Trip, some people’s feet aren’t in the best of shape and because we are too tight-fisted to splash out on a trip to the podiatrist, “home remedies for hideous feet” was googled. I kid you not, there was soon a bowl with Listerine mouthwash, white vinegar and water in here, and into this awful mixture feet were soaked. Can you imagine the aroma of that lot? I stared pointedly at the Yankee Candles, but nobody lit them and I feel this is a little unfair considering that they are reached for the minute I make a small emission. Double standards, Friends.
Stress levels are building in this and, I suspect, many other households as the school summer holidays are nearly over and it is Back To School next week. Despite the ridiculous amount of time there has been to accomplish things, there is some small panic as not all aspects of the school uniforms have been purchased/arrived/had relative badges sewn on. There will be a mega stress-fest on Sunday evening when it is realised just how many things haven’t been done. It’s all very well putting out a mug of new black biros, but there is a lot more to being organised than this. You would think they would learn, year after year, but no.
Readers, there has been no sign of Homeless Guy outside Sainsbury’s for a long time now. She has ‘popped into town’ several times this week, nice and early, and he has not been around. The last time She saw Homeless Guy outside Sainsbury’s was several weeks ago, when he had moved nearer to Costalotta, and he didn’t look very well. This is sad, and together with the lamentable loss of Rocco the Inspirational Three Legged Labrador recently, it makes one ponder about the frailty of life.
Of course I’m not able to ponder on serious matters for long in this house, as we’re soon back to moaning at me. Tonight it’s because the John Lewis white duvet cover needs washing again, which is entirely my fault apparently. I try to point out that Gingercat sleeps on it too, but by all accounts Gingercat doesn’t have leakages of the type that I do – quite how She knows whose leakage it is I don’t know, and I don’t care to think how these things are analysed. So the evening’s peace is being ruined by the washing machine on a hot wash and full spin.
To be fair, it’s not that peaceful here. He is trying to get his golf clubs out of the roof as He is playing his annual game of golf with a friend after work tomorrow. There has been some banging and shouting from upstairs, and I’ve clearly heard the words “poxy thing” several times. From what I can gather, Lad kindly put the suitcases back in the roof after the Amazing Trip (yawn), but has made a “pig’s ear” of putting the loft ladder back. Lad has shoved it so far back that it can’t be reached. Young Lad has helpfully taken a stepladder upstairs to see if this helps, and if so the swearing might calm down soon.
I’m not quite sure what the plan is tomorrow, Friends. I’m hoping She goes out and leaves me with Lad and Young Lad again. I also hope a trip to Tesco is made soon, as there is NOTHING TO EAT in this house again, and poor Lad has been resorting to tins of soup or jaffa cakes, neither of which fit a balanced diet. Young Lad even had to make his own cheese sandwich today for lunch, such is the level of neglect. I’m thinking I’d like a change of scene for my walk tomorrow, as we haven’t been anywhere different for a while now. Oh silly me, I was dragged round the Rec tonight for a second walk but I played up and ignored any commands, so it wasn’t the best in terms of mood.
Dear God, they’ve put 24 Hours in A&E on again, so it’s time for a nap.
See you soon,