I tried to deny, Readers, that I had rolled in fox poo again today but unfortunately there was a large tell-tale smear across my head that I didn’t know about. Some might say that this makes me look brave and warrior-like whilst others might just say I’ve rolled in fox poo. Anyway, the evidence was there and indeed all over my back, under my neck and down my legs so I had to have yet another bath when I got home.
I don’t quite know what was going on here today – I had a long walk with He this morning, the best part of two miles, and then this afternoon She said She needed a good walk and dragged me out for three more! What the heck?! I am wasting away tonight through over-exercising; do my food rations increase to compensate for all this activity? Of course they don’t. It’s interesting that I behaved impeccably when He took me out, and abysmally when She did.
To be fair though, Gingercat and I have been given the odd piece of cold turkey from the fridge in the last day or two, as it’s obviously been there since Christmas Day and may not be fit for human consumption any more. No such concern for canine or feline consumption, you notice. Still I won’t complain as it’s quite tasty. The fridge has emptied considerably since Christmas but could really do with a clean out as there is some spilt milk in amongst the sprouts in the drawer at the bottom. Such sloppy standards here as usual.
It’s extremely noisy chez moi tonight, Friends. Young Lad has two friends here for the night, and whilst it had been envisaged that they would quietly play on the Xbox followed by civilised watching of films, it appears the lure of the Nerf Guns is too much and there is huge battle going on in the other room. I think a few very close range shots have been fired and really feel one of the adults here ought to be supervising but nobody can be bothered. I did pop my head round the door a while ago as they had pizzas and snacks in there, but was shouted at before I could grab anything.
To make up for this I snatched some pizza from He’s plate and He was very cross with me. I couldn’t care less.
Lad had a shock today, Readers. It had blithely been assumed that Lad’s new school term starts next Monday like Young Lad’s – on closer inspection of the term dates, however, it is apparent that Lad starts back on Thursday. That is only three more lie-ins and seems very hard on Lad. This is very short notice for him and also means Young Lad will be home alone for two days at the end of the week. Young Lad is delighted about this. He may change his mind when the penny drops that he has to take me for a walk. Two days running.
I was quite annoyed this morning as I desperately needed a long lie-in and Gingercat started yowling in the kitchen at 5am. I could have ignored him, but She stomped out of bed moaning and groaning about the bldycat and I was thoroughly disturbed. I had left plenty of room on the very edge of the bed for her, and there was no need to disturb my comfortable position spread out across the middle of it. Such selfishness. Anyway once Gingercat had been let in and She got back into bed, I decided I might as well go out for a comfort break so She had to get up again. Oh the whining.
Down by the river today on my two walks I saw a few of my friends, but of course I was pulled away sharply on the second walk with “he stinks” snarled as we walked by. For the first time since Christmas Eve, though, nobody had to be bored with the Mini Mince Pie story – they’ve all heard it several times by now – which was quite refreshing. She has been laughing at some of the stories on Facebook about What Your Beagle Did at Christmas; these tales have included eating rich Christmas Fruit Cake, chocolate tree decorations, pulling the tree over (a particular favourite) and running off with a side of beef from the kitchen. You see?! My behaviour is nothing like as bad as some of my compatriots, yet is this appreciated? No of course not. Does anyone thank me for the Christmas Tree only falling over once-all-by-itself this year? No.
Do you know what I found her looking up on Youtube today? How to drain your dog’s anal glands. I know, it beggars belief. There is a Youtube tutorial of a nice lady in full make-up holding a nice white poodly type dog on a table, and by some very minor rubbing with a bit of kitchen towel, she empties the dog’s troublesome anal glands. This nice white dog does not shriek, try to attack her throat or bite her hand off. It simply stands there compliantly while the kitchen towel rubbing scenario goes on. What a load of crap. This is not my experience of anal gland draining! Why, it takes an experienced vet, a large muzzle and She sitting on me to get anywhere near them! I’m telling you now that if anyone comes near my rear end with a piece of kitchen towel they will regret it.
Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve, Friends. Many of you will be out celebrating, or hosting lovely dinners or possibly having a Sparks Means Marks Dine-In-For-A-Tenner treat. Not in this house. Lad is going out with his friends in a town far away and She says it’s best not to think about it. Other than that, nothing will be happening here beyond something on Netflix and a large Gordon’s. This is much the same as a normal Saturday night and does not celebrate the end of one year or welcome in the next. Really, how dreary and joyless. It suits me just fine.
Well I’m exhausted from all that ridiculous walking today. It really is too much.
See you soon,