Royal babe!

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Unbelievable!  Harry has clearly made a good choice because this lovely lady is…..a beagle owner.  One who loves and cares for her beagle, and treats it like her child by all accounts.  One who is not ashamed to say that her beagle sleeps on the bed – in fact, publishes photos of her beagle sleeping in her arms on said bed.  Oh you lucky, lucky beagle……….not for you the life of telling off and reprimands.  I bet Meghan Markle doesn’t keep dumping her beagle with the neighbours.  If she’s got any.  Her beagle has a REASON to smile.  Her beagle isn’t made to feel ASHAMED of his smells.

Well, today has been ace actually, because I was dumped with the neighbours, but I love going to Ebony’s house. I struggle to keep up with her on our walks, as she is much younger and slimmer than I am, but I give it a go.  She and Lad left early for a Long Day in London at the Important Hospital.  She says her first mistake of the day was to take some super-strong Cough/Cold/Whatever/Max/Strength stuff (her cough is getting on my nerves,frankly).  This stuff knocked her out, and She found reversing into the extremely small parking spaces at the station rather a challenge.  She then found it hard to stay awake on the train, and Lad wasn’t exactly helping with his lack of conversation skills.   What did keep her awake, though was the interesting  discussion being held loudly by a man behind them.  It involved the following. Interfacing/in the loop/delivery of programme/transparency/approval of results/ visibility/ working to the original data/ design being stubborn and a need to up the delivery plan.  Some people do talk a lot of crap.

Anyway, apparently Lad was very brave and sat still while a large needle was  wiggled around in his occipital nerve.  If anyone tried to do that to me, I’d have them.  There weren’t any veterinary nurses with him, but a Playworker did come to see him and offer “distraction” during the procedure.  This usually involves looking at Where’s Wally, and as Lad is 16 he felt he’d be ok.  At least the Giggle Doctors weren’t there – they don’t try to make children laugh on Wednesdays.  I don’t get this service at the Evil Vets.  Nobody tries to distract me with animated voices and picture books.

Actually, on that point, She says I have to stop calling it the Evil Vets.  She says they are a fantastic veterinary practice, with kind, caring staff who have the patience of a bldy saint.  I suspect She’s worried about the next bill.

Well, friends, it’s a short blog tonight as she isbldyknackered. How it can be tiring sitting in hospital waiting areas with a lovely teenager all day, I do not know.  

I wish I could live with Meghan Markle.

Bye for now,

Russell

Craft Club

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Evening friends – a top day!!  Felt highly creative today, don’t know why, just one of those days.  Started off by photobombing her Important Picture that She needed to send to an Important Hospital In London for some research project that they’ve been  involved in.  She asked Young Lad to take a quick photo of her as they left home this morning – I felt it looked dreary, so sat behind her with my most miserable face on.   Neither She nor Young Lad appeared to notice.  Anyway, her Professional Standing won’t be at all damaged by having a suicidal beagle behind her. (I can’t show you this photo for legal reasons.)

Once they’d all gone for the day, I wandered round the house.  I fancied doing some Art and Craft so grabbed the Craft box in the study and threw it around.  (See diagram above.)   This box is chocker block full of rubbish  useful things for Art projects, such as card, paper, ripped up jeans, sequins and many other things for collage that are never needed.  It didn’t take long to pull loads of it out and spread it across the floor.  Pippa’s Pack Leader found it when she came to walk me; how she laughed.  Unfortunately she texted a photo of the carnage to my own Pack Leader at work, and She was not laughing. I felt the day needed a little more je ne sais quoi, so in the afternoon I pulled Lad’s oil pastels out of his Art box.  I threw them across the newly-steam-cleaned lounge carpet, and chewed the box up.  And guess what!  The blue oil pastel leaked again – see previous blog – and She has to clean it all up later on.  But does it end there?  No, my friends, it doesn’t.  I’ve also ripped up one of the better quality tennis balls (not the cheap ones from the pound shop.)  Plus two bags of potato peelings distributed across the back porch.  Well, it’s a simple enough task – don’t be so bone idle, take a couple of steps outside and put them IN the recycling bins.  Doh.

So all in all, a satisfying day.  It’s all because yesterday I thought She had FINALLY grasped the problem, and I spent a great day at Ebony’s house.  I didn’t do much other than sleep in their very comfortable chairs, but at least I wasn’t ALONE and UNLOVED.  But no, today we’re back to the old “bye Russell we’re off to work for 10 hours” type behaviour.

Was far too tired to blog last night due to being with Ebony.   And I’m shocked at how many of you contacted me to say why hadn’t I blogged!  I have said, clearly, that I cannot keep up the quality of this blogging at the current rate.  I’m sure Shakespeare had the odd day off, for the love of God!   It was all rather stressful at tea time, as ANOTHER gas man came round, this time to Measure Up and talk about boilers.  It was dull. I barked fiercely, as unfortunately he belonged to one of the groups of people I don’t like.  (work it out).  How She expected to make a rational decision between Worcester or Vaillant systems while making leek and potato soup, I have no idea.    After tea, Young Lad had to do an Art project which was “bldypainful” according to his mother, and Lad did a small amount of revision.

Tomorrow She is taking Lad to the Important Hospital in London, as he is having a Large Injection in the back of his head (a nerve I’m told).  This is to try and stop some of his pain, which I think STILL mostly occurs on PE days.  I would imagine he’s missing PE at school tomorrow.  Anyway, Lad is Brave and sits still while the Evil Doctor sticks a massive needle in the base of his head.  He doesn’t have to be muzzled, or sat on by 4 veterinary nurses, and doesn’t try to bite the doctor’s hand off.  After that they will go for a snack, then he has to see some different Evil Doctors in the afternoon.  Lad has been told he will be taking Revision books with him to Do On The Train – he looked pleased at this thought.  Young Lad and I will be dumped with anyone who will have us – this has happened many times over the years.  And they wonder why there are issues.

I’m looking forward to Thursday, as it is Advent Calendar day.  She has finally given up making them have traditional Religious  advent calendars, and  they now enjoy a Cadburys picture rather than a biblical scene.  But I’m looking forward to it, because at some point they’ll forget to put them UP HIGH and that will be my lucky day.  Plus She is actually at home Thursday morning, so there will be a power walk.  I hope the elderly lady isn’t down there that I saw the other day – not only was she white-haired and had a stick, but she was wearing Very Dark Glasses!!  I was terrified.  Readers, she didn’t have a dog with her and clearly had No business to be down by the river.  I was very worried for our safety so barked hysterically and aggressively at her , from a safe distance.

Well, after all my creativity today I’m pretty exhausted.  Glad to see America still popping in occasionally – Europe needs to make a bit more effort.  Do tell your friends.

Bye for now,

Russell

 

 

 

Cheap

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Quite a morning, friends!  Usual early toilet trip at 6am, but I failed to coordinate this with Gingercat wailing to be let in at 5.30am, so She had to get up twice and wasn’t happy.  However, I’ve just had a smashing long, eventful walk and I can smell Sunday lunch in the oven.  She’s multi-tasking again.  Fingers crossed.

Truly beautiful out there today;  a day simply made for a long relaxing walk.  She didn’t find it relaxing.  Had a good chat with NiceDogWalkerLady and her husband, and I really wanted to carry on walking with them and the Pack.  But oh no, we had to go over the bridge and up through the Top Field because it’s a more Physical Walk apparently.  I took some persuading but eventually followed at a distance.  This distance was great because it enabled me to find some fox poo in the bushes ( more of that later.)    Anyway, I dutifully followed her from half a mile back.  She was singing “Ma Baker” in her head this time, which appears to have a fast tempo judging by the speed at which She was marching.  Occasionally I heard my name shrieked and upped the pace a bit, but generally dawdled.  Then, from nowhere, appeared two German Shepherds and a man On A Bike!  This was too much (see previous blog re German Shepherds)  so I took a short cut through the woods and back to the safety of the more public area.  Only I didn’t let her know I was going.  So She thought I was lost and spent a lot of time screeching, blowing the whistle and frantically looking for me (maybe She does care after all.) I chose to ignore her desperate calls for, oh about 10 minutes, so then She had to run right through the field, along the lane and over the bridge to find me.  Not easy in a duffle coat and wellies, apparently.  Anyway, Exercise Quotient.  (see previous blog.)  I’ve no idea why I was called a bad name and put on the lead – I was having a nice time talking to an older lady who was worried about me.

We marched home, her complaining about the smell of the fox poo and how late Sunday lunch is going to be because of me “getting lost.”  I hadn’t wanted to go in the Top Field in the first place – why does nobody listen.  I’ve got to have a bath this afternoon, and I’m hoping Lad will do it (see previous blog).  The main problem is the shampoo.  When they first adopted me, and gave a damn, I had “hypo-allergenic/lavenderscented/treatyourdoglikeaprince” expensive shampoo.  That ran out ages ago and now I have the Value Range.  (Please note she blacked out the brand for legal reasons.)  And they wonder why I scratch all the time.  Actually it does smell really nice, and makes my fur very soft (just in case anyone from PetsRVetsRToysRus is reading.)

Nearly forgot, had a bark at a fisherman down there this morning.  You can add those to the list of minorities that I Don’t Like.  It’s the imposing rods and unnatural stillness that worries me.  Though I did steal a fisherman’s sandwiches once.

Readers, you’ll be relieved to know that Lad survived the House Party intact, and apparently it’s the Females of His Age that get blathered and are poorly in the gardens.  She didn’t have to do the midnight pick-up after all, as He was staying up till silly o’clock to watch the cricket, and “there’snobldypointinbothofusbeingup.”  So He nobly offered to fetch Lad and she went to bed.  She called this a Right Result.

This afternoon will be spent on Homework/laundry/ironingbldyschooluniforms/ but Young Lad has suggested playing a board game. They do this, about Once a Year, to look like a normal family.  Gingercat and I love these afternoons – I always lay in the middle of the money (please please be Monopoly)  and Gingercat likes to walk across the board several times, knocking all the pieces over.  Quite why they don’t get off the floor and use the table, I don’t know.

I’m sad to say She has taken on Extra Work this week.  If I hear much more of “needthechuffinmoney” I’ll scream.  The large vet bill was AGES ago and I can’t still be blamed for the economic crisis.  Just how much is an Americano?  I rest my case.  Talking of which, Homeless Guy  is still not outside Sainsburys, and She feels really, really bad now.  Is a bit worried about him.  Hopes he’s in a Shelter somewhere, and will stretch to a sausage roll in Greggs next time.

Roast potatoes smell done, but She’s completely forgotten to make the crumble topping for the Berry Crumble. (Value range, frozen berry mix, does She never learn.) So dessert will be served at tea time.  

Saw some views from Italy and Cyprus!!  What the heck!  And America/Australia hanging on in there.  Don’t think I was Germany’s cup of tea though.

See you soon – tell your friends,

Russell

Ma Ma Ma Ma Ma Baker, she taught her four sons…….  you know you’re singing it now.

 

 

 

 

 

Tangled

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Evening all.  I’ve just had a very frustrating few minutes trying to kick this blanket out of my chair – She did video it, but you have to “upgrade” in order to post videos, and She’s way too tight to do that.  Anyway, it was ruddy irritating, as I make it perfectly clear that I HATE having a blanket on my chair, and I have to bark, whine, go round in circles, dig at it, kick it and throw it over my head to make the point.  Unfortunately  tonight I became rather caught up and sat for a while with it over my head.  I pretended I had meant to do this, so I didn’t look ridiculous.

This was after the usual frustrating  Friday evening twenty minutes, whereby they all collapse on the sofa with pizza (oh, and raw vegetables/dips She wants you to know).  Now, bear in mind I haven’t seen them all day, and the pizza smells pretty good, so naturally I want to sit with them  and whimper/wail/bark until they give me a crust.  I do feel it’s a bit harsh that I’m told off and ordered to sit in my chair.  I might, if they wouldn’t put the ruddy blanket on it!  And a crust of pizza really isn’t too much to ask, after I’ve been neglected all week.

Anyway.  Again, my own family were useless today but thanks to Lovelyneighbourontheright I had a little company mid-morning when they came to chuck me in the garden.  These people are SO nice that they even stopped to play with me for a while.  Then I did get a walk later on.  It’s very peaceful here tonight as He and Lad have gone to watch football – this time not at the pub, but all the way up to Wet Sham. So Young Lad and She are cuddled up with me in front of the telly for the evening and there is no arguing.  There is, however, chocolate and sugar-free Lilt  for Young Lad, and Gordon has popped round again for her.

I have NO bad behaviour to report from today!  This is very unusual.  Unless someone has been in while She was at work and tidied up, I appear not to have emptied any bins, gone through any cupboards, thrown around any recycling or dragged potato peelings across the lounge floor (recently steam cleaned, as you know.)  I’ve been known, if there is NOTHING else to do, to empty Lad’s art equipment out of the box and once chewed a bright blue oil pastel which then went all over the carpet. (She had to do a lot of googling that night, to find out How To Remove Oil Pastel from Carpet.)  Dishwasher liquid, in case you need to know.  And there was the one REALLY boring day, when I was reduced to chucking a box of paperclips round the study so that they went everywhere.  All in all, you would think I deserve a pizza crust tonight, wouldn’t you?  But no.

Lad has worn them down, I mean discussed things in a mature way, and is going to this House Party tomorrow night.   She still feels that this is a Disaster Waiting To Happen, as Lad and his friends seem to attract trouble wherever they go. However, the House Party is being held in a Nice House, and there will be Parents there, so not too much should happen.  She is thrilled at the prospect of going to collect him at midnight, because “it’sabldy40minutedrive” and it’s “meanttobeminus4tomorrownight.”  She and her friends enjoy sitting in cars in the pitch dark, waiting to collect their offspring from House Parties etc.  It’s “livingthedream” She says. Darkly.

Hopefully, it being the weekend tomorrow, I’ll get some decent walks and even a little attention.  Other than House Parties, it will be the usual round of Homework and arguments about Homework.  She may have to “pop into town” several times, and my regular readers now know what that means.  

Here’s an interesting thing.  While She and I were marooned in the kitchen on Tuesday, because Carpet Cleaner man was soaking the carpets and sofa (and making uncalled for comments about “fabric damage” on the sofa)  She started looking through some recipe books.  These don’t come out often – we know Jamie Oliver has been used recently, with limited success, but generally these sit on a dusty shelf and She makes it up as She goes along.  Well, readers, She found the notebook that is used for writing down the list of presents received by Lad and Young Lad every Christmas and birthday since they were born.  (This is to enable them to write thank you letters, which they absolutely love doing.)  Anal, isn’t She.  Also in the notebook was her “food plan” for Christmas 2008.  (How hard can it be?)   Christmas Eve supper was; “Roasted vegetable lasagne, Caesar salad, French bread”  followed by  “homemade fruit tartlets with butter pastry, and creme fraiche.”  At some point after 2008, Christmas Eve supper changed to egg and chips.  I would imagine Lad and Young Lad much prefer this.

Well, readers, I’m exhausted from begging for food and fighting with the blanket.  Not sure if blog will get done tomorrow due to “bldyridiculousdrivingtobackendofgodknowswhereatmidnight” to collect Lad.  Who, of course, won’t have been in any trouble.  Watch this space.

Tell your friends,

Bye for now (including viewer from America again!!)

Russell

Oily Fish

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All I heard last night was eugh/Russellyoustink/whatisthatgodawfulsmell/GETOFFTHESOFA etc etc etc.  They know exactly what the godawful smell is – it’s my anal glands.  There is no need for all the drama every time they flare up, and certainly no need to frantically light scented candles.  Yes, it is a unique smell, like a tin of sardines that has been left out in the sun for a couple of months, but don’t go on about it!  Plus I was shouted at early this morning (5.15am to be precise) for scooting my bottom along the floor – hello, if you buy a cream coloured carpet you are stupid – as scooting is the only way to relieve the discomfort of over-full anal glands.  So I went out in the garden for half an hour to have a good clear-out, as I thought this would help.  But no, more moaning at me to hurry up and  come back in as it wasn’t even 6obloodyclock yet.  I cannot win.  She has even threatened me today with the Evil Vet if I don’t unblock my glands by myself.  Reader, I’m trying.

Apart from that, yesterday was BRILLIANT as I went to daycare at Pippa’s house, and spent the day with people that actually give a damn about me.  To top off a day playing and sleeping with my bestie, we went for a walk and I flushed out a pheasant from the bushes!!  Yes!  Li’l ol me!  I didn’t catch it, and it did stick two fingers up as it flew off, but still!  Great day all round.

Today’s walk was pretty good, too.  (3.25 miles according to her app.  288 calories).  Usual crew were down there, plus my dear friend Chuck, whom I haven’t seen for ages.  Chuck and I are very fond of each other, and often go off into the bushes together.  Chuck’s Pack Leader says it’s all very Brokeback Mountain and they laugh, but I’ve no idea what he means.  Chuck is very handsome.  I rolled in some stuff in the top field, and ate something that was decomposing – only a mouthful before She arrived, panting and shouting, on the scene.  Nicedogwalkerlady and her husband stopped for a chat, and were soon discusssing whether my anal glands smell better or worse than a dead badger.  I wonder about people, at times.

Well, friends, you’ll be glad to know that Lad’s Revision Workshop was a great success.  He has been talking animatedly about it, something like “it was the best two  hours of his life, and thank you so much for making me go to it.” I think that was the gist, anyway.  She has been mumbling to herself upstairs this morning as there were 4 used towels on Lad’s bedroom floor – research shows that people of Lad’s age have some sort of disability and can’t bend down to pick up anything they’ve chucked on the floor.  This is of benefit to me, as it involves food wrappers and used tissues.  She often discusses this disability with her Friends who also have offspring of Lad’s age,. and they share many happy moments, celebrating the Utter Joy involved in Parenting this Age Group.  Young Lad will be there before long.  He was in trouble last night for playing rugby in the lounge, and the ball (only a soft squidgy one), hit Gingercat on the head.  Gingercat didn’t like this and ran off.  He was soon back when they shook his biscuit box.  There is something called The Ashes on at the moment, which He seems very excited about.  She doesn’t.

She has a Whole Day Off today, which is rare.  These occasions usually involve a lot of hoovering and laundry, and sometimes a Scandinavian drama Noir from about 10 years ago that She’s trying to catch up with.  People have been asking me if I’m going to add to my blog every day – well, clearly that’s ridiculous.  I only started this to amuse my young friend J while he was in hospital, but he’s back home for a bit now and I just can’t maintain the high standard every night.  Plus shedoeshaveotherblodythingstodo.  So we will see.  I’ve had some lovely feedback from you – several people have used the words “highlight of their day”, which is nice but to be frank,  don’t you think  that’s a bit worrying?

Anyway, if you enjoy my little tales of daily life, tell your friends.

See you soon.

Russell

I Lost my Heart to a Starship Trooper

That Hits of the Seventies CD has a lot to answer for….our power walk today was conducted in time to Sarah Brightman and several other such wonders, as She sang them (thankfully) in her head. That is,  until the last stretch up the hill towards home, which is always done extremely fast as “pelvicfloor” not what it was due to “havingbldykids” apparently, and there’s a lot of yanking my lead with “notgoingtomakeit” muttered.

We made it, just.  In case you were wondering.  It was a close call.

By the way, any readers who have just joined, you will need to start from the beginning of my blogs, as none of this will make any sense at all.  It won’t take long to catch up, and is worth the effort.  Come on.

Carpet Cleaner Man arrived bright and early.  However, he managed to pull the sofa out further than She had done, and called her attention to some more cutlery, dried satsuma peelings and a lot of crumbs.  He then lectured her in correct sofa moving technique, (lift don’t drag, foot underneath to tip backwards and never mind if it falls and crushes your foot, at least you will have cleaned up ALL of the crap.)   His carpet cleaning machine was horribly noisy and scared Gingercat and I so much, we had to retire to the bedroom for a sleep until he’d gone.  He did a very good job of cleaning the carpets and sofa, though they are all now soaking wet.  He also pointed out a small amount of “fabricdamage” to the sofa, “probablycausedbyyourdog.”  As soon as he’d left, I walked round the study with muddy paws to show him what I thought.  Not keen on Carpet Cleaning Man.

After he’d gone, She had to ‘pop to town’, which means half an hour in Costalotta.  As usual, the baristas said hopefully, “anything else today?”  in the vain hope She might splash out on more than the cheapest possible coffee.  She didn’t.  Homeless guy wasn’t outside Sainsburys, and now She feels bad for not listening longer to him.

The walk was reasonably good – I chased my ball a few times to humour her, but really what is the point unless you wrap some meat around it?  There was a young golden retriever down there, who I could have SWORN was Pippa, but it wasn’t and I was disappointed.  Bastard Swan offspring were there, and looking much whiter than they did last week.  It won’t be long before they are launching themselves out of the river and attacking me.  Hate them.  Once home, I amused myself by emptying one of the recycling bags round the garden.  The garden looked a mess anyway, so it hasn’t been done any harm by some fish finger and potato waffle boxes ripped up and spat out everywhere.  (As you know, they rarely eat such convenience food.)

You’ll be very relieved to know that Lad made it to his revision workshop.  She drove him there, and picked him up from outside, to make sure he didn’t “get lost” on the way, via KFC.  She spent the two hours amusing herself in the big town nearby, which probably involved a cheese scone (She calls that splashing out) in John Lewis and wistfully looking at things She will never be able to afford.  Occasionally She reminds me that She had to give up her gym membership when they adopted me as There Wasn’t Enough Money for Both.  Actually, She reminds me of this a lot.  I think it’s a cause of some resentment.

Well, the sofa is now covered in a waterproof sheet (left over from when Lad and Young Lad weren’t very reliable at night) and several blankets.  It’s still soaking wet and this doesn’t bode well for a comfortable evening.  Gingercat and I may have to go back upstairs.  Tomorrow is likely to be a rubbish day as it’s Wednesday which means nobody gives a stuff about me.

Bye for now,

Russell

PS.  Those of you who are old, enough, have you got Starship Trooper going round your head now?

Important update! ! Firstly, someone from Germany has joined us! Guten abend! And secondly,  I’m going to doggy daycare tomorrow,  so will have a good day after all!  I’ll be far too tired to blog tomorrow,  so see you all on Thursday. 

Unloved

Rubbish day. She was called into work so I was left here ALL DAY. Without the kindness of Ebony’s dad and LovelyDor, who both let me out for a toilet break,  I wouldn’t have seen a soul all day.  Oh yes, it’s all very well leaving me with another guilt bone,  but some company might be nice.  Gingercat just sleeps. And, would you believe She had shut every door, removed the bins and blocked off the cupboard under the stairs with a stool. So all I threw a bag of potato peelings around as that was all I could find. 

Remorseful, She did rush home and drag me out for a walk in the  pitch dark.  I had to wear this ridiculous light up collar so I could be seen on the playing field, but I wasn’t the only one.  In fact there were loads of us out at  5. 30 pm,  wearing ridiculous light up collars and chasing ridiculous light up balls in the dark.  All the Working Owners stood around chatting, but really they need to be thinking about their lifestyle choices. 

Yesterday I ended up having a second walk and saw my friend Ebony. She is a Pointer, which puts her a few marks ahead of me in the prolonging-your-owners’ -life span results.  Her Pack Leader doesn’t appreciate this any more than mine does.  I rolled in some fox poo and Ebony dug to the centre of the Earth. We had a great time. 

Tonight  has been the same old dinner/homework/arguing scenario followed by some frantic furniture moving around.  Carpet cleaning man is coming tomorrow,  and She still hasn’t got over the horror of last time,  when he pulled  out  the sofa and asked her if she could possibly clean up before he started…..it was grim.  So all furniture has been pulled out and hoovered behind,  with a lot of huffing and puffing,  and yet again the bit behind the sofa was  shameful.  Yogurt lids, knife,  spoon,  3 biros, a tissue (used), 150 nerf gun bullets and a dice. She muttered something about whycouldnttherebesomethingusefullikeatenner and wasn’t best pleased. I enjoyed eating up the crumbs but She got the  used tissue away before I could get to it. 

Lad has something called a Nonpupil Day tomorrow.  He interprets this as a day to stay in bed and then play on the Xbox. She interprets it as a going to a revision workshop and tidying your room opportunity.  The discussion continues. 

I’ve got a fair bit of wind tonight,  which is the result of two guilt bones. As you gnaw/chew for an hour,  you take in lots of air,  and it has to come out somewhere. She doesn’t seem to have realised this.  With a bit of luck I might get some attention tomorrow, but don’t hold your breath. 

Did I see 2 views from America the other day? Howdy! ! Come back!  Tell your friends. 

BYE FOR NOW

Russell

 

 

It’s official!

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I knew it!  Beagles are good for your health!  It must be true;  it was in yesterday’s Torygraph. According to obviously highly accurate research,  owning a beagle increases a  human’s mortality by 35%. So She needs to quit the whingeing about how much work I make,  by accepting that “demanding ” dogs like me will make her live longer.  If she wants to. 

Well, much to everyone’s surprise she managed to drive to Sutton and back without thebloodysatnav. She says that the M25 in sheeting rain is much more bearable in the presence of Leo Sayer. I would think this is debatable. I had to make quite a fuss during the evening as She had a readymeal from sparks mean marks, as She was tootiredtocook. She knows quite well that I get to clean out the plastic tray of any ready meals.  Though they “practically never have them and  have wholesome home cooked food every day” She is shouting. I wasn’t happy to find the said plastic tray in the bin,  without being offered it first.  Normally I clean it completely so it can go into recycling,  which is my bit towards the environment. I had to stare at the bin and whine for AGES until She got the message.  It was ok,  but a 400 calorie Lite prawn linguine, and really I’d  have preferred the full on option.  So would She.

Her friend Gordon came to visit last night.  Seemed a lot bigger than usual and required extra ice.  This is due to “abitofaweek” apparently. 

Today is Sunday which meant a bit of a lie in.  (After breakfast and toilet at 6am). I heard some church bells ringing.  When Lad and Young Lad were younger they were dragged to Church occasionally,  but now on  Sundays Lad doesn’t get up till lunchtime and Young Lad plays on the xbox. She seems to worship at the altar of somewhere called Costalotta in town.  It’s where she goes to be reflective and pray. And “get away from everyone. ” She assuages her guilt about the price of an Americano in Costalotta by taking one to the homeless guy outside Sainsburys.  (I know for a fact she queues up in Greggs for his to save 50p.) Today the  homeless guy went into a lot of detail about his medical problem so She gave him an extra £2 and didn’t hang around. 

There will be an attempt at a family Sunday lunch in a bit,  which really just involves shouting about homework. Then Lad and He are going up the pub later to watch something called Wet Sham play football.  She and Young Lad are looking forward to this as it will be peaceful here. I’ve already had my walk; Nicedogwalkerlady said she likes my blog so I’ve told her to share it with everyone.  Incredibly there was yet Another Beagle in the far field today;  that’s 3 interlopers in the past two days!  Wonder if his pack leader has read the Torygraph article. But seriously, enough of all the beagles out there when I go out. Go somewhere else for your walk so that I get the attention. 

Mm the stuffing smells like it’s burning so here endeth today’s blog.  Tell your friends. 

See you,

Russell

 

 

 

The Gas Man Cometh

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It was quite a cold night, after no heating for 24 hours, but thankfully there was an extra blanket on the place- that- I- don’t sleep.  She was up bright and early, dressed and in full make up (you’d never know) by 8am, ready for the Gas Man.  I barked a lot at him as he looked dodgy, so was told to Shut Up and shoved into the lounge.

Anyway.  After showing Great Interest in his Gas Engineering Career thus far, nodding and smiling in the right places, and making a “really nice cuppa”, She has managed to get the excess for today’s call-out waived, and a Fantastic Deal involving 2yearsinterestfreecredit and a halfpriceboiler.  Needless to say, She is quite pleased with herself on her clever use of Tactics – some would call it flirting.

Today’s walk was great!  I was feeling a bit feisty – just one of those days – so I took on a large Alsatian first of all.  This was an error of judgement.   Then I barked shamelessly at a little girl who smiled at me.  Next I saw NiceDogWalkerLady and her three hundred dogs, most of whom were barking so I joined in.  My beagle bray is much louder and better than any of their barks.  NiceDogWalkerLady had the Rival Beagle with her – the one that is “oh so lovely, he’s so gentle and well-behaved, look how he leans against my legs” blardy blardy blah.  We moved on swiftly, and would you believe it, there was a THIRD beagle down there!  This really annoys me.  I like to be The Only Beagle In The Village when I go out.  I cheered up a bit when NiceTallLadywiththeStaffie stopped for a chat – she said  I was looking slimmer, which seems to be the main aim in life.  She (pack leader) seemed really proud of this; if She paid as much attention to her own physique, things would be a lot better.  “Power-walking” my arse.  Saw Lexie, who looked jealousy at my stick, so I didn’t hang around.

Well, readers, this is a short blog today as She is about to drive to the Marsden to visit J and take his pack leader out for SomethingToEat.  This will also involve SomethingToDrink, at least for J’s Pack Leader as 6 days in hospital drives you insane apparently.   She has packed treats (Pimms for Pack Leader and Tangfastics for J “ifhismotherletshimhavethem.” ) It will  be interesting to see how She gets on driving to Sutton; apparently He “hastakenthebloodySatnav” so She will be relying on Google Maps.  She only discovered those this week thanks to Colleague.  But will have no internet in the car, something She doesn’t appear to have considered.  She seems more excited about the £5 Hits of the  Seventies CD bought in Tesco this morning, for her to listen to on the long journey.

I know.  I’m thinking the same thing.

Bye for now,

Russell

 

 

 

 

Muzzled!!

Unbelievable.  Absolutely unbelievable.  Today She has been to ToysRPetsRVetsRUs or whatever it’s called, and bought a horrid black rubber muzzle.  This is so that She can administer ear drops down my sore ears without having her hand taken off.  Am I seriously expected to sit nicely while a long white thing is poked down my ear and stuff squirted into it?  No, I will try to take the hand off that person, and rightly so.  So now I have a muzzle. It was “ridiculously expensive” apparently and She could have saved herself the bother.  I tried not to laugh as she read the instructions for “familiarising your dog with the muzzle” – it seems I’m meant to happily walk round the house wearing the hideous thing, if she trains me properly.  Instead, she put some more out-of-date hummus in it (why doesn’t she just throw that away?) and as I stuck my head in to eat it, rugby tackled me to the ground, gripped the muzzle and stuck the thing in my ear.  This is not what the pictures in the  instruction booklet looked like.  It’s bad enough  being muzzled every time I see the Evil Vet, (because I try to take their hands off too), but when someone that’s supposed to love you does it, that’s rubbish.

In other ways, things are looking up.  The Guilt Bone has gone through my system and firmed things up a lot, which is good for my anal glands as they tend to empty with the extra pressure of  hard stuff passing through.

J in the Marsden, you still being sick?  Hope I’m helping with that side of things.  Sorry to hear you’re stuck there till Sunday now, but to cheer you up, I hear the Therapy Magicians are coming round tomorrow.

A decent walk today – found some unidentifiable brown stuff to roll in, but carefully waited until She was well ahead up the field.   She then had to run full pelt down the hill waving the long pink ball flinger thing at me and shouting.  V funny.  Bastard Swan Offspring were there, right at my favourite spot for going in for a drink.  Hate them.  Someone had thrown some bread out for the birds in the usual spot, so it was a race between her and me to see how much I could grab before She got the lead on me. I won.

Still a lot of arguing about the House Party going on.  Also something called Exam Revision Workshop which Lad doesn’t want to attend but is being told it’s not his decision.  He doesn’t seem to agree with this.  Loudly.

Rather cold in here today – The Boiler doesn’t appear to be working and there’s been a lot of stressed muttering about “deargod3grandforanewone.”  Not looking forward to this evening with no heating, and may need to cuddle up on the sofa for warmth.  British Gas Man coming tomorrow She says, “reallyisthattheirideaofurgent.”

I’ve been told off a lot today for barking.  I could see, out of the window, a very threatening 96 year old lady standing at the bus stop.  She looked like she meant trouble, So I went ballistic.  Not long afterward, a mother and toddler walked past our car in a sinister way so I let rip at them too.  Nobody appreciates what I do to protect this family.

Well it’s nearly my dinner time – only another hour to go, so I’ll start whining and making a fuss about it now.

See you soon,

Russell