Easter Jubilation

430Easter bunny Today’s march through Top Field, Readers, was to the rhythm of “Easter Jubilation.”  I doubt many of you know this jaunty hymn, as it is probably a Modern Trendy Easter song that your primary school didn’t use way back in the day.   (Unless you went to one of those progressive schools in the 1970s,  where the teachers wore jeans and you sang a Groovy Rock version of The Lord’s Prayer in assembly.) Anyway, I was glad there was no singing aloud of this  seasonal song, and actually that hasn’t happened since the awful incident of the Carpenters that day, so hopefully it was a one-off.  If She starts singing Trendy Hymns aloud on our walks, I am definitely leaving home. 

Readers, there has been so much rain that the river has Burst Its Banks. Parts of the fields were flooded , and a tricky time was had negotiating it all.  More of that later – our walk started well today, as we immediately bumped into a Young Pug called Gus.  Now, I hadn’t met Gus before and I did find him somewhat intimidating to start with; it was the commanding way he stood in the middle of the path and wouldn’t let me past. I stood uncertainly for a while, hopping from foot to foot, as I was bldy scared  unsure what to do, and yelling  Ohforgod’s sakemanupRussell! didn’t help.  Eventually I took my chances and inched past Gus the Pug.  He chased me and I ran for my life.  But the good thing was that Gus was distracted by the smell of smoky ham in the “treat” bag in her pocket, and jumped all over her jeans with his filthy Pug paws.  She laughed and said don’t worry theyweredirtyanyway to the apologetic Pug owner, but they weren’t.  They were clean on, which is just plain stupid when going for a dog walk.  This is Poor Planning.   So Gus the Pug plastered her legs in mud, which was funny. Further on, we met Mollie the staffie and her Pack Leader.  They have a new dog with them these days, Friends, and it’s Rather Lively. There was the usual dull discussion of how badly behaved we all are, and how they wouldn’t be without us, blah blah blah. Eventually we trekked on over the bridge and into Top Field, where I failed to find any cack in which to roll.  Disappointing and unusual.  Coming back along the path, we met the Nice Lady with the Long Hair and brown labrador. (Why are there so many brown labradors everywhere?  I fail to see the attraction.)  Nice Lady with the Long Hair stopped for a chat and said she now reads my blog – has she really got nothing better to do?   It does worry me. But it’s nice of her, thank you.  

20180331_121803 In this diagram, Readers, you can see what I mean about the Burst Banks of the River.  You can clearly see me thinking about how I am going to get across this part of the field.  I’m not one of those dogs that throws themselves into water (that’ll be the brown labradors), and I really had to consider my options at this point of our walk.  

20180331_122043 In this diagram, Friends, you can see that I have worked out my route across the flooded field, and am stopping for a drink en route.  I was shouted at for this, as there is some thought that this floodwater might not be very hygienic in the drains/sewage side of things.  For Goodness’ Sake. We walked briskly for three miles through the sodden fields and mud, as there is a need for upping the Exercise Quotient at the moment.  Three little words, Readers.  Hot.  Cross.  Buns.

Yesterday She went for a coffee with Lovelydor down the road and they even splashed out on some toast and a bacon roll.  I would have liked either of these options, but wasn’t invited.  He took me for a lovely walk in the morning, without any of the nagging and shouting at me, and it was at a much more sensible pace. Then we had a Quiet Day at home as it rained incessantly, until of course She decided I needed another walk and dragged me out again in the pouring rain. (Exercise Quotient issues). Well,  Young Lad, He and I had tried to have a quiet day at home, which wasn’t easy with the Frantic Cleaning going on.  Lad was away staying with friends, after the Party of the Night Before.  He had a very nice time, and they went to bed early as they were so tired, at 2am.  Poor Lad.  Lad decided he needed picking up from his friend’s house in the evening, to which there was some huffing and puffing as it is a 40 minute drive each way.  On the way home, though, Fish and Chips was bought for tea, as this is traditional on Good Friday.  Fish and Chips definitely makes Friday Good, if you ask me.  Not that anyone does.  I whined and begged, and eventually had a couple of small chips.  Generous, aren’t they. Young Lad did very little yesterday.  Well, it was raining. Today, though, Young Lad has been out!  Yes, after resting sensibly yesterday, he had the energy today to Hang Out with his friends in town.  For an hour and a half. That’s 90 minutes.  Well, it was raining again and it’s much nicer on the sofa on days like these. Plus he had put the shopping away earlier, so that counts as a busy day for Young Lad.

I wasn’t very popular this morning, Readers. I had a little problem with my digestion and was making some shocking smells again.  The lounge stunk.  I don’t know what I’ve eaten this time- it’s a mystery to me.  It seems to be a little better tonight, and there is no need for all the Yankee Candles to be lit.  

There has been lots of baking going on today, and the kitchen is in its usual state.  Shortbread smells divine when it’s in the oven, and I did manage to clear up some crumbs from the floor.  Dear, dear Ebony has been helping out on the baking front today, as well. Her Pack Leader made a nice carrot cake, and turned her back for a second, which it is never wise to do near Ebony.

IMG-20180331-WA0000 (1) This diagram clearly shows why you shouldn’t leave a carrot cake on the work surface, and turn your back.  Ebony was simply checking the consistency for her Pack Leader, and making sure the texture was spot on.  It was.  Now they only have half a carrot cake for Easter Sunday tomorrow.  Ebony was shouted at, Readers.  Poor Ebony.

Lad has been revising all day today, and is now firmly attached to the Xbox for the evening.  There has been a discussion about some Family Time tomorrow, it being Easter Sunday, though She has thought better of suggesting Church to Lad and Young Lad, knowing that this won’t go down well.  Instead, Readers, I have heard the words HartyFartyForest for a family dog walk!  I couldn’t believe my ears – I haven’t been taken back there since I chased that stag for twenty minutes!  Oh please, please take me to HartyFartyForest tomorrow – there are loads of cow pats, fox poo, and stags!!  What a wonderful idea.  I will let you know how it goes.

Joyeuses Paques to my new French Readership, and Happy Easter to the rest of you.

See you soon,

Russell

 

 

Penne Pasta

penne I love this game, Readers.  Today I went through the food cupboard carefully, choosing which Essential Ingredient to remove, and decided there was a good chance it would be Pasta Bake on the gourmet menu tonight.  So I dragged the half-full bag of Penne Pasta into the lounge, and ate it on the sofa.  A few bits fell down between the cushions, so I will be sniffing those out this evening.  It was extremely crunchy, and quite hard to get down, but I persevered and eventually the bag was empty.  It will be v funny when the food cupboard is opened tonight, in anticipation of cooking Pasta Bake.  This serves them right for leaving me alone for over three hours this morning, while they were all at work/school.  Thankfully dear, dear Pippa’s Pack Leader took me for a walk, but I had  been very bored up till then.  Pippa’s Pack Leader laughed when she saw the empty Penne Pasta packet. My plan has worked, because there has been much huffing and puffing about what to bldycook for bldydinner , and they had to have jacket potatoes. I laughed to myself.  

Yesterday was a good day, as I was taken to dear Ebony’s house again, and couldn’t wait to get there.  I was exceptionally well-behaved all day. My stomach was better – I know many of you will have been concerned – and this is a good thing, as we didn’t want Ebony’s Pack Leader having to clear up anything like what I left on the lawn in the middle of the night the other night.  When viewed in the daylight, you would have thought there had been an Explosion in a Tanning Lotion Factory.  Sorry to  be crude, but that’s the way it was.  All shiny and glittery, with a strange texture. There has been much pondering over what on earth he’sbldyeaten to produce such items, and Ebony’s Pack Leader (who has the edge on intelligence, to be honest) has worked it out.  Whilst basking on their garden chair in the sunshine the other day, I stuffed myself silly with birdseed.    And there you have the strange texture.

Les francais m’aiment!!   I have suddenly picked up some readers across the water – there were seven of them the other night!  Wonderful.  You see, the French know a thing or two about Good Breeding and High Standards. I am truly pleased that  my  blog is reaching foreign shores.  Tell your friends.  The Australians have been rubbish at this, and there are still only two of them.  The Americans haven’t been a lot better.

20180329_164014 In this diagram, you can see how I felt about my second walk of the day today.  Readers, it was POURING.  I was drenched and I feel this is Neglect.  Just because She has missed our Power Walks this week – it was quite unnecessary to wake me up (I was dead to the world on the sofa), by saying in that silly pseudo-excited voice, “Shall we go for a WALK?!!”  My face clearly gave an answer in the negative, but no notice was taken and I was dragged out.  It was foul – pouring with rain and chilly.  Ridiculous. On the way back I saw poor Ebony who was also being taken out in the Pouring Rain.  What is wrong with these people. There would be less need for hearty Power Walks if She would lay off the Cadburys mini eggs.

Guess what?!   Some post arrived for me today!  It was addressed to Russell Beagle, which makes me sound very grand – rightly so.  It was a present from one of my blog readers, of a Very Stylish Dog Poo Bag receptacle, for me to use when I go up to the Royal wedding.  What a brilliant idea!  I really can’t have my manky old cloth one, with a bit of velcro that has seen better days, when I meet Meghan Markle.  I bet her beagle has a Good Quality Poo Bag Dispenser.  Thank you very much, dear Blog Friend, you made my day.  She laughed a lot too.

You’ll be pleased to know that Lad finally settled on a new hairstyle and went to the Barber’s.  He looks much better without curtains, if you ask me. Today was the Last Day Of School before the Easter Break, which means of course that there is a House Party to attend.  Lad’s plans are rather vague.  But they involve friends’ houses, pizza, a House Party and Hanging Out tomorrow.  It will be nice to see Lad tomorrow night, when he has all these plans out of his system. His plans will then have to change to Heavy Duty Revision as the bldy GCSEs are only a few weeks away.  Poor Lad. Young Lad is pleased Lad isn’t here to argue with him tonight. Young Lad has finished school for Easter today, too, and is looking forward to a couple of weeks on the sofa.  One of his friends has suggested hanging out in town on Saturday, but Young Lad isn’t sure he has the energy for this.  He needs to conserve his strength, as next term he will have cricket training at school, football training at school and club cricket training  on a Wednesday night.  This will be exhausting.  There might  even be some matches.   Plus that heavy school bag on Food Technology days. Poor Young Lad.

He has finished work for a couple of days, too.  This is excellent news, as there will be no alarm clocks going off at 6am, and I’ll get extra walks.  He is more patient when he takes me, and doesn’t walk at a silly  frantic pace the whole way.   I will, of course, still need a comfort break at about 6.20 am, approximately 40 minutes after Gingercat has yowled to be let in, and She’s just got back to bldysleep.  I’m not sure why this is so annoying.  There will be some chocolate in the house over the weekend, it being Easter, so I’ll be keeping a close eye on where they put it.  Chocolate  doesn’t cause the Tanning Lotion Explosion effect, unlike  birdseed.

Tomorrow morning, She is going out for coffee with LovelyDor down the road.  Neither of them have invited me.  I know for a fact that dogs are allowed in Barstucks, as I’ve been there before, but do I get asked along?  Of course not. I’m getting a bit fed up with this going out and not inviting me.

I’m also not sure I like the clocks going back.  It is now light till 7.30pm, which means I can see out the window in what appears to be the rush hour in our road.  I’ve just had to bark hysterically at a black poodle going past the house, followed by a disturbing greyhound.  And then the window cleaner came round for his money!  It’s too much, and I’m exhausted.

See you soon, Readers, and Bon Soir to my new friends!

Russell

Sun worship

Yesterday was lovely, Readers, quite lovely.  The sun was shining, and for once there was less nip in the air. I was dumped at Ebony’s good and early for the day, and had a marvellous time.  As well as lovely walks, I decided to have a kip in the sun, in Ebony’s garden.

IMG-20180326-WA0001 This diagram shows the level of my discomfort.  At this point in the day I am forced to lie on a hard surface, and it is not conducive to a good sleep.  I put up with it for a while, but really it wasn’t good enough.  Thankfully, Ebony’s Pack Leader realised this was not good hospitality, and soon brought the cushion out for me.

IMG-20180326-WA0000  This diagram shows what the situation should have been from the start.  I am now clearly comfortable, and able to sleep properly.  Please note there is no room for Ebony on here, and she was still on the floor at this point.  But, as I’ve said before, I am the guest after all.  I had a lovely time, lying in the warm sunshine on a cushion, and having a doze.  We had two walks yesterday, Readers, and I struggled a little on the way back from the second one.  Then, would you believe, She came home from work and said She might take me out for another walk after tea, as the Hour Has Come Off and the Evenings Are Lighter!   I gave her a look that told her what I thought of this ridiculous idea.  Thankfully She had toomuchbldywork to do. Honestly.

Young Lad was the first one home last night, having “walked home from school.”  Yes, Readers, he was given a lift by someone’s Grandma again.  So Young Lad was home nice and early, and settled down on the Xbox with nobody to nag him.    It was halfway through the evening when Young Lad realised he had Food Tech today, and quickly announced all the ingredients he would need.  Young Lad has not learned his lesson from last time, but luckily all the ingredients for his apple crumble were in the house, so there was less swearing.  Lad came home from school and worked hard All Evening on his revision, poor Lad.  He did intersperse this with discussion over what new hairstyle to try, so I’m not convinced his mind was on his quadratic equations all the time.  It was Omelette with jacket spuds for dinner last night, as there seem to be a Glut of Eggs in the fridge.  Everyone seemed to like this dinner, and there was very little on the plates for me to pre-rinse in the dishwasher.  Disappointing.   After the Quiet Hour of homework  (dull), Young Lad and She watched Masterchef again – more pretentious nonsense.  Someone even cooked a biryani and put a pastry crust on it.  Is it a pie?  Is it a curry?  For the love of God. He finds Masterchef boring,  which surprises me as He likes eating food quite a lot. So He watched Eastenders in the other room.

Readers, I didn’t have a good night.  I had to ask for two Comfort Breaks in the night – nicely spaced out at 1.10am and 3.20am, so that I could deposit quite a lot of things on the lawn.  I’m not sure what I ate yesterday but it didn’t agree with me, and that rarely happens as you know.  There are four people in the house at night, but only one of them manages to hear me whining and gets up to let me out.  Strange, isn’t it.  She was not best pleased, after the 1.10am and 3.20am excursions, to be woken by Gingercat at 5am, yowling to come in.  There may be a case for getting the hearing tested of He, Lad and Young Lad. Anwyay, I needed to drink a lot of water in the night and just didn’t get a good night’s sleep.  I’m very  tired today.

Young Lad had an awfully heavy school bag this morning, Readers.  Not only did he have his PE kit, but also all the Food Tech things.  Realising that four huge cooking apples just weren’t going to fit in the box, one had to be ejected.  It was a terribly heavy weight for Young Lad to carry all the way to school.  Oh wait, he was given a lift from a friend’s Dad.  Thankfully She had a Day Off today, and could collect him after school so that Young Lad didn’t have to carry an apple crumble all the way through the town.  Poor Young Lad.  But Readers, the Crumble was as much a Triumph as the Rock Cakes!  I tasted a bit, when some of the topping fell off onto the floor.  Marvellous.  Young Lad is a talented cook.

I was left with a Kong this morning, filled with a couple of teaspoons of left-over fish pie.  Nice.  She popped over to a big town nearby, and sat in John Lewis, which hasn’t happened for quite a while. The over-priced coffee seemed to go before even half the newspaper had been read, and there was some debate as to whether to try asking for a refill.  On the balance of probabilities, this was considered likely to be turned down and anothersoddingtwopoundstwenty was NOT going to be spent.  Still, it was a pleasant hour, gazing out at the very clean, nicely ordered products that We Will Never Be Able To Afford or Fit Into (it appears one must be very streamlined to shop in the hallowed halls of JL.)  It did smell very  nice in there, though, and all was right with the world and safe. Temporarily.  The main purpose of the visit to the big town was to track down the Hair Styling Products requested by Lad – I did tell you his mind wasn’t on his work last night.

Later in the morning we had a nice walk in the drizzly rain, down by the river.  We stomped along to the rhythm of Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush, and I was mightily relieved that there was no singing out loud of that particular tune.  Can you imagine?  I didn’t see many friends, as it was raining and most of them were at home in the dry.  Even the Bastard Swans weren’t out.    There was a traumatic moment for me, when I saw a Lady with a carrier bag.  Now, this normally means there are treats in said bag, for a dog.  This Lady didn’t have a dog with her and was simply on her way to the shops, via the scenic route, but I didn’t realise this, and felt sure there were dog treats in it.  So I ran alongside her and gazed adoringly at her, making firm eye contact, and gesturing to the bag.  I could see that she had something in her hand as well, and felt sure it was a Bonio biscuit.  Finally she got the message and bent down to show me what it was.  It was a Marlborough Light. Disappointing.

Readers, I feel I ought to update you about poor Nana aged 87’s house.  I did, indeed, leave it a little on the trashed side, but luckily Nana aged 87 saw the funny side and so did her Friend What Helps Out, who had to help sort it all out. They found the bone I had buried in one of the beds, which is a pity, as I was saving it for my next visit.  Oh well. 

I am dreadfully sorry about the Facebook fiasco.  For some reason there has been a technical hitch, and my wonderful blog posts haven’t been appearing on FB for a while.  We have tried to rectify this.  I did think my viewing figures were a bit crap, to be brutally honest, and they have zipped right back up now Facebook is back on side.  There was even a viewer from Ireland the other day!  Top of the mornin to you!  And the USA again!  And France!  Bonjour! Combien le chien dans le fenetre?

Wednesday tomorrow, Friends.  Enough said?

Bye for now,

Russell

Nana’s birthday

fddc41b2-5e47-4d4e-b20e-2bab8e873579.jpg._CB528135271_Readers, this is likely to be an epic tale tonight, so please pour yourselves a glass of something and settle down for the evening.  There is bugger all on telly anyway.

Nana aged 86 is no longer 86!   She is now Nana aged 87.  Yesterday was her birthday, and we all went down to take her out for lunch.  I had a WONDERFUL time, apart from the five hours of driving – but I slept through that.  (The language in the car, Readers, when they saw a sign saying “One and a half hour delay, Junction 29 to 1a.”  And to be fair to the Transport people, they were bang on.  It was a delay of exactly 90 minutes, on top of a two hour journey. That is impressive accuracy. But was this appreciated?  No.  Non-stop huffing and sighing as we sat in a traffic jam.)  However, once we arrived at Nana aged 87’s, things really started to look up.  There was a frantic ten minutes of shouting for everyone to go to the toilet and get back in the car, but I quite enjoyed myself in the garden,  and let them get on with it. I have to say Nana aged 87 wasn’t over-thrilled to see me, especially as I ignored her when I arrived and raced to the cat food bowl. But really, Nana aged 87 looked marvellous, very pretty and one would never know she was of such Advanced Years.  Then, Readers, they went out for lunch.  To a carvery.  Now I think I would quite like a carvery, but did I get taken along? Oh no.  So I was left at Nana aged 87’s all by myself.  Well.  What’s a boy to do?  They left me with TWO bones, in the hope that I might spend a couple of hours eating them. Nah.  One was a soppy chew thing and one was a bone filled with tripe – I know you’re jealous.  I waited till the car had pulled away, then took them both upstairs.  It was an Error of Judgement, Readers, on their part, not to shut all the bedroom doors.  I needed somewhere to bury my bones, after all.  Now, it is never Good Practice to bury more than one bone in the same place.  There is the danger that a Rival Dog might sniff them out and then you’re scuppered.  It is Always Wise to bury multiple bones in multiple places.  And so I did.  Now, it is also important that you bury your bones very deeply so that a Rival Dog can’t find them.  To that end, I completely trashed two beds in Nana’s house, ripping off all the sheets and blankets or duvet, so that I could bury my bones a long way down.  I was very pleased with my handiwork and was feeling quite smug about how well hidden they were.  Nana aged 87 was Not Pleased when she found the state of the bedrooms after we had left, but to be honest, it will give her something to do, tidying them up again.  Then, I popped downstairs for a look round the kitchen.  I could smell some bread, so I stood up at the work surface and eyed up the extremely old wooden bread bin.  With a bit of a stretch and some jigging about, I could just get my claw under it, and dragged it towards me with all the things that were on it/in front of it.

IMG_20180324_202311_646 This diagram, Readers, shows what happens when you drag a bread bin off the work surface, and send it crashing to the floor.  It made quite a mess of the kitchen, as you can see, and I fear those bananas might be a little bruised. Especially the one under the bread bin (look carefully, you’ll find it.)  A cup was smashed to pieces in the process, and it really did look like someone had ramraided the place. Anwyay, I found half a loaf of Hovis and took that off to the dining room to eat – it filled a corner.  I didn’t stop to think whether Nana aged 87 might have any other bread or whether I’d just eaten her week’s supply.  Oh well.   I also pulled a punnet of grapes off the side, and took those to the dining room, but they were black grapes, and I prefer green.  I hope she gets green in future. So I dumped them on the floor.

This really was a splendid way to spend a couple of hours, and serves them right for not taking me to the carvery.  Apparently they had a lovely meal, and Funnygit her brother was called a tart by the waitress, as she brought the food round (as in “are you the tart?”  YES they all shouted.  )  Nana aged 87  had a lovely time with her Entire Family as all her grandchildren were there. Quite incredibly, they managed to have yet another Dinnertime Discussion about Russia/MI5/whether England will go to the World Cup/general politics, dear God.  How dreary. I’m glad I wasn’t there, in some ways, as I was happy trashing Nana aged 87’s house, though I would have liked the Beef and Gammon.  Thankfully, they all came back to Nana’s house for tea and Birthday Cake, but of course there was lots of shouting at me beforehand.  I had to sit in the garden and put my sad face on, for five minutes.  Then I tried to sit on their laps, but people said I smelled, and I was pushed off.  Still, it was a lovely day, and I don’t think Nana aged 87 will ever forget it.

Today I have been dragged for TWO walks, totalling five miles, because I didn’t have a proper walk yesterday and spent most of it asleep in the car.  This is rather ridiculous, and I found the second walk quite hard-going.  I had also rolled in two loads of fox poo this morning, and another one this afternoon, so I’ve been bathed as well and moaned at a lot.  I bumped into lots of friends down there, and even saw The Friendly Electrician and his lovely wife.  Their dog was nice and clean, but he smelled the fox poo on me, and thought what a cracking idea, so he found some and rolled in it too.  How they laughed.

It has come to my attention, Friends, that there hasn’t been a blog for TWO nights.  This has been pointed out by various people.  I can only apologise – She was toobdlyknackered after the hideous journey yesterday, and the priority seemed to be getting Gordon out the cupboard when they got home. (He had a nice glass or two of red, to settle his nerves, too.)  Friday night was the usual Slovenly Pizza evening after a week at work.  I was SHATTERED on Friday evening, Friends, as I’d been at Ebony’s house all day.  Not content with walks, they are now trying to teach me better ball skills.  It’s exhausting.  I snored and snored on Friday evening, comatose in my chair.  The day had started well.  She and Young Lad left the house at 7.29am.  Ebony’s Pack Leader came to collect me at 7.35 am.  In those 6 minutes I had pulled everything off the shelf in the kitchen cupboard, dumping carrier bags and tin foil everywhere.  Pretty good Time Management, yet again.

IMG-20180323-WA0001 This diagram shows how skilfully I arranged the clingfilm, tin foil, greasproof paper and a tin of Heinz beans on the floor, adding a slipper, a sock and  an Adidas trainer for effect.  This is called a Collage.  I was quite pleased with this, and had finished  by 7.34am.

IMG-20180323-WA0000 This diagram shows where I was by 7.35am.  This is impressive efficiency.

This afternoon has been fairly peaceful, as He went into work for a couple of hours, Lad and Young Lad did homework all afternoon and She did the cleaning.  Plus walking me again, and giving me a bath.  The bathroom has been cleaned twice today.   This is, if nothing else, thorough.  

I’ve been told that She is working all day tomorrow, so doubtless I’ll be shipped off elsewhere.  I suppose I should cherish the five hours they spent in the car with me yesterday.

Happy Birthday Nana aged 87, and sorry about the state of your house.  

Bye for now,

Russell

Having a kip

IMG_5054 This diagram, Readers, clearly shows Gingercat and I trying to have a sleep yesterday, when everyone was at work/school.  We had prowled round the house after they left, and found that the door to Young Lad’s bedroom wasn’t shut properly, so we made ourselves comfortable.  Gingercat preferred the yellow blanket, whereas I settled down under the duvet and Manchester City blanket.  The reason the bed looks such a mess is that, if you remember, I had made the 13.5 tog duvet filthy the other day, so poor Young Lad has a thin summer duvet on, with blankets piled on top.  Very elegant.  Gingercat and I had been heavily asleep, when Lovelyneighbourontheright came in to let me out, and surprised us.  As you can see, we have been woken up very suddenly and are rather bleary-eyed.  Gingercat is actually saying something quite rude.

Anyway, prior to this I had been through the cupboard in the kitchen and chucked the carrier bags on the floor, then dragged the tin foil into the lounge and dumped it on the carpet.  It was something to do.  Thank goodness Lovelyneighbourontheright came to let me out and break up the morning, as it was a VERY long time until lunchtime, when Pippa’s Pack Leader took me for a walk.  The rest of the day  was uneventful until tea time, when it all became hectic as it was Wednesday Evening. The usual rubbishy dinner from the freezer was cooked; it is just possible that fish fingers are the best invention ever, She says.  Young Lad was at Indoor cricket which was a Fun Match this week, but poor Lad had still not made it home from school at nearly 7pm!  There was much worried text messaging and phoning him, to find out which ditch he was lying in, but No Answer from his phone.  This was concerning.  Eventually Lad turned up, having had his phone confiscated for Improper Use during the day, and the Confiscator had forgotten to give it back and gone home with it. This was annoying, but better than the lying in the ditch scenario. Lad was very, very cross about it all but I feel there is a lesson to be learned in there, Readers.   When Young Lad finished cricket, pity was taken on him for having a long day at school followed by Energetic Sport, and pity was also taken on Lad who had had a Crap Day and was so very late home.  Not usually known for such spontaneity and generosity, She stopped at the chip shop on the way home and bought them a £1.60 portion of chips.  To share.  And He fancied some too, so they were shared three ways.  Though nobody shared any with me of course!  Oh no.  I was secretly pleased to note that they weren’t the best quality chips, if we’re honest, and lacked any sense of crispness whatsoever.  Flaccid and uninteresting might be a better description.  Serves them right.

Today started in the usual way. Gingercat started yowling to come in at 5.40am. which meant whoever let him in managed to go back to bed for a very unsatisfactory twenty minutes until the alarm went off at 6.  I think Gingercat does this to wind them up. Then there was the usual stressy hour of trying to get everyone up, showered, fed and out the house.  Lad is finding it harder and harder to put his feet on the floor in the mornings, and move to an upright position.  This often takes a full 40 minutes.  I worry for Lad.  Young Lad is far better at this, as it then gives him lots of time to sit on the sofa before leaving the house.  Anyway, we tried the new routine of Young Lad walking me down to Ebony’s house as they left home. I don’t like this. I feel very panicky that I can’t see Pack Leader, who is loading up the bldycar, and I drag Young Lad back up the road towards her.  I can only stop panicking once Ebony’s Pack Leader is out on the pavement in the freezing cold, and I can see her.  Then I run like the wind down towards her, dragging Young Lad behind me once more.  This wakes Young Lad up, ready for the day ahead.  I had a smashing day with dear, dear Ebony and rolled in the most enormous pile of poo I could find.  It didn’t seem to be the normal fox kind, and Ebony’s Pack Leader can only think it is elephant poo. I stank.  Poor Ebony’s Pack Leader had to clean me up, which she does with kindness and a gentle touch.  Later we went out again, and Ebony and I played with a ball – Ebony was more successful at this than me, as she understands the concept of dropping the ball so somebody can throw it, and also doesn’t try to stick two balls in her mouth at the same time.  I learned a lot from her today.  When I came back home, my family were still out, so I went through her coat pockets and found some Polo mints.  I ate them, and threw the wrapper in the lounge.  My breath smells nice, even if the rest of me doesn’t.

They were all late home, as Young Lad had football after school, and then had to walk to his friend’s house to wait for a lift.  Lad had his Maths tutor after school again, so pity was taken on him (that’s twice in two days), and he was picked up to avoid the long bus journey. So it was jolly late by the time they got home and fed me – I was at the front door waiting for them, and barked loudly to show them my displeasure. Dinner involved slightly more effort tonight, and I should think so too, and there has been some baking.  I can smell shortbread, as we are going to visit Nana age 86 on Saturday, and bread pudding to use up the rock hard French stick that’s been lying around all week.  The bread pudding will be rubbish as there weren’t enough raisins, but I’d still eat it.  Not that I’ll get the chance.  The kitchen is filthy again, as you can imagine.  BUT, Readers, there was nearly a very sublime moment!  While a feeble effort at tidying up the kitchen was made, something fell out of the fridge.  Guess what it was?  That’s right!

55605e59450d68d0063e8e5e6e240cea6739fb38 HALLOUMI!  A blooming lovely big chunk of Halloumi cheese came flying out of the fridge and down to the floor.  It bounced on the open door of the dishwasher – Halloumi is quite rubbery, you see – and it was about to bounce into my mouth but it was intercepted just at the last moment.  Oh I was so close, so close to a big chunk of Cypriot sheep/goat squeaky rubbery cheese.  I was gutted, Readers, gutted.  It’s not like me to miss out on something.  

I’m quite tired after my day with dear Ebony, and I’m back there tomorrow.  I imagine we might avoid the part of the field that had the elephant poo in.

Sleep well, Friends,

Russell

 

 

Surprise!

horror-clipart-shocked-face-3Oh it’s too funny, Readers.  My new game is just brilliant. Tonight’s dinner couldn’t be spaghetti based as I had eaten all the spaghetti, so in a cunning plan, a curry was cooked.  It smelled good, and there were poppadums and naan bread to go with it, but Oh Dear!!  Where’s the rice?  I’m sure there was some rice in the cupboard/whereisthebldyrice not on that shelf, or that one, and surely not behind the cereals, it never goes there……no, Readers.  There was no rice.  And I think we all know why, don’t we!!!  I told you, this is a top game.  Oh, I chuckled to   myself in the lounge as I heard her banging through the cupboards looking for the bldyBasmati.  Friends, She even texted lovelyneighbourontheright to see if she had any rice to spare, in order to save the curry.  Just in the nick of time, an old and probably out-of-date bag of Sharwoods noodles were found and substituted for the missing grains.  Young Lad wasn’t impressed and said it tastes better with rice.  Hee hee.

Apart from that I’ve been pretty well-behaved today.  During this morning’s school run I did open the kitchen cupboards and have a look through, but decided not to pull anything out today.  I went for a kip on Young Lad’s bed instead.  Then I had my morning walk, which was lovely as the sun was shining, and there were lots of friends down there.  I wanted to take my time and have a good sniff everywhere, but She said we were on a tightbldyschedule and kept shouting at me to hurry up.  It wasn’t very relaxing.  Dear, dear Chuck took my mind off all the shouting, and we wandered along together for ages.  Chuck’s Pack Leader is very funny and there is always a lot of laughing and sniggering.  I don’t understand any of it; neither does Chuck.  We only did two miles this morning, due to the tightbdlyschedule, and I have to say that made a welcome change.  I had a sleep when we got back whilst Frantic Hoovering was done yet again.

Then it was time to visit our friend Sicknote, and her Brown Labrador.  I had been told to try harder on the socialising front, and Readers, I did my best.  I’ll admit that there was a brief pause on the socialising front when we arrived, as I ignored Sicknote completely and ran into her kitchen to hoover up anything on the floor under the table. (There wasn’t much.)  This is rude, it seems, and one should always say hello first, before running off to look for food.  I do the same at Nana age 86’s house.  Anyway, I also stood up at Sicknote’s kitchen worktop to look for food, and also licked the front of one of her cupboards as there was something tasty on there.  I felt I was being far more charismatic and engaging than on my previous visit, when I was in a mood and  just went to sleep. During lunch I sat and whined and grizzled, begging for food, which was highly sociable of me, and barked grumpily at the Brown Labrador when he looked at my rear end.  See how hard I tried?  Then I stood on a chair in Sicknote’s front window and barked ferociously at anyone walking past.  I had a lovely walk over the fields , but She spoiled my fun by putting me on the lead once it was established there might  be large deer in the woods.  I don’t have a good track record with stags.  Anyway, it was a lovely day and made a nice change.  It would have been perfect if I’d been allowed to chase a deer, but there you go.

Young Lad had a good day at school, and is looking forward to next week’s Food Tech lesson, which is Fruit Crumble.  If it is anything like his Rock Cakes, we are in for a treat.  Young Lad is allowed to choose any fruit to put in his crumble.  Various things have been suggested, but he thinks he’ll opt for apple.  Some would call this playing safe, but I like Young Lad’s thinking.  If it ain’t broke…  He can’t even be persuaded to stick a blackberry or two in.  I’ll let you know how it turns out, if anyone drops any.  Lad has mostly grunted tonight but I think it was morse code for I’ve had a super day at school, thank you for asking, how was your day? I am lying half across Lad’s lap this evening, helping him with his Biology.  The Chemistry Tourettes from last night seems to have calmed down, which is a relief.  Poor Lad.  It’s hard for him to concentrate, as he is busy thinking of schemes to make money, at the same time as revising. Lad is very clever at doing more than one thing at once.  I do feel a bit sorry for him, though, as I know for a fact that left- over curry and noodles have been put into a tupperware box for his lunch tomorrow.  I hope he doesn’t open it on the bus, that’s all I can say.

An update, Readers.  Now, I haven’t mentioned Homeless Guy outside Sainsburys for ages, partly because he wasn’t there for quite a while, and partly because She’s been parking at Tesco to avoid shelling out on Dreggs coffee for him.  Nice.  Well, he is back outside Sainsburys, I’m glad to say, and the other homeless people that had stolen his pitch seem to have gone elsewhere.  Yesterday he seemed to be overflowing with coffee and hot drinks, so She gave him some money instead.  He doesn’t look very well and it is so bitterly cold. Some deep soul-searching needs to go on, if you ask me, about the avoidance tactic of going to Tesco.  Shameful.

He is upstairs having a warm bath, to recover from yet another cold day outdoors.  Thank goodness He had a nice hot curry to come home to tonight.  Shame about the rice! I’m exhausted after my morning walk, then going out visiting, so I expect He will join me on the sofa soon and we’ll both be asleep before the end of Eastenders. It’s Wednesday tomorrow, Readers, which is always problematic – tomorrow I have an assortment of arrangements for my entertainment. Lovelyneighbourontheright is going to let me out in the morning, then Pippa’s Pack Leader is taking me for a walk at lunchtime.  However, you and I know full well that this leaves several hours for me to find something to do.  Watch this space.  I hope they leave me that soppy Keep Your Dog Entertained for Thirty Seconds puzzle again.

Doubt there’ll be a blog tomorrow, Friends, as it’s Wednesday which is always Labour Intensive and Scheduled Tightly but the good thing is that Young Lad has his last Indoor Cricket session tomorrow night.  It will then be outside Cricket training, and I go along to this which is fun, as there is loads of birds poo on the ground at the cricket club, which I tidy up for the groundsman.

See you soon,

Russell

 

Custard’s last stand

20180319_090319 While they were on the school run this morning, Readers, I had a look through the food cupboard and found a carton of custard, which I threw on the lounge floor.  I also spotted a plastic bag with some carrot ends in, ready to give the rabbit next door, so I ate those and chucked the plastic bag in the lounge as well.  The diagram above shows how I positioned things on the carpet.  Now, please note that I did NOT rip open the carton of custard, to blend nicely with the chopped tomato stains (see previous blog), but will I get any thanks for that?  Of course not. She huffed and puffed while putting the custard back in the cupboard, so I thought it would be funny to get it out again this afternoon, while She was on the school pick-up.  I threw in one of her socks for good measure.  It was funny, Readers.  Made me laugh.  I’ve been in one of those moods today – you can’t help it, sometimes.  When I got back from my walk I was really, really muddy and I waited till her back was turned, and legged it up the stairs.  She thought I was being a Good Boy in my bed in the kitchen.  Wrong.  Young Lad’s sheets and duvet cover had been taken off for washing, so there was just his fluffy 13.5 tog duvet on the bed.  It looked so warm on this chilly day, so I jumped on and walked up and down until I found the right spot for a kip.  There was some shouting and sighing when the state of the white 13.5 tog duvet was realised, and I was pushed off rather firmly.  Now, we learned something today, Friends.  Young Lad’s 13.5 tog duvet doesn’t really fit in the washing machine, even if you shove it in and put your full weight against the door until it clicks. Yes, in theory the machine does fill with water and strange sounds can be heard, but there is no room for proper washing and certainly no room for spin cycle.  I tried not  to laugh when She took the duvet out and it was saturated, and so heavy it was barely movable.  There was some valiant struggling down the garden path, and an effort worthy of a Russian weightlifter to lift it above her head and hang it over the goalpost. Too funny.  It’s still sopping wet and will be until July.

Had a good walk this morning – there was still a lot of snow around on the ground, and I really have had enough of it now.  The only good thing about it is that I can’t be seen, especially in Far Field, where I blend in completely.  It’s really amusing watching the panicky screeching and puzzled squinting around, trying to spot me.20180319_094751 In this diagram, I can be seen standing still and camouflaging myself so that any Pack Leader with dodgy eyesight over the other side of the field can’t see me. It was a beautiful day, with a blue sky and sunshine, but so so cold, Readers.  This can’t be right for the middle of March.  The wind was glacial, and my ears kept flapping out which is both undignified and painful.   Nicedogwalkerlady and her husband were down there with their  brown labradors, and they told me to keep up the good work in terms of my poor behaviour at home. I also saw dear, dear Chuck and his coat looked better than ever  – so shiny and full.  He really is in marvellous condition. Greek yogurt, apparently.  Now Chuck and I do like to appreciate each other’s backsides, but we don’t always time this right and it sometimes coincides with one of us lifting our leg.  One has to duck out quickly from this position, otherwise one gets an unusual kind of shower. Chuck’s Pack Leader had a name for this, but I didn’t really understand.  Anyway, I digress.  I was marched at full speed for 3.2 miles today, and our speed/distance quotient was quite good as we didn’t stop to talk to people much.  Sociable. Over the bridge and round Top Field, we stomped in time to, “Saturday Night at the Movies” by The Drifters.  Who cares what picture you see? Awful grammar, by the way.  Then we went through Far Field as well, so it was good long one today.  I was exhausted.

But back to yesterday!  I went for lunch at Grandma’s house, as you know, and I was really, really hoping that the Huge Lasagne and Baileys Chocolate cheesecake would go flying across the car when He braked.  Sadly they didn’t.  I had a lovely time, as the Derby Chicks were there and had bought me a large rawhide bone thing.  This kept me quiet for ages.  I did pop into the dining room while they were having lunch, but Lad was holding forth at the dinner table about Russia, Wet Sham’s management mistakes, and all the other things about which he knows so much.  Honestly, there is no escape from it. So dreary.  I could only put up with the conversation for so long, and went back to an armchair in the lounge for a kip. I’d been told off when we arrived, for going straight out in the garden for a comfort break.  Apparently this is impolite, to deposit things on Grandma’s snow-covered lawn the minute we get there.  What’s a chap to do?  At least it was easy to find, and it wasn’t my fault that the poo bags had fallen off my lead and were somewhere in the car.  Well, Grandma was very pleased to try the Baileys Chocolate cheesecake at long last, having heard so bldy much about it on my blog. Plus she was very understanding about the ripped paper on her birthday present – that’s what happens if you put it in the boot with me. 

Once we came home, Young Lad and Lad had to knuckle down to their homework, and I went out for my long walk.  This was fab, as coming back from Far Field I spotted dear, dear Pippa in the distance and I ran like the wind to catch up with her.  Oh how we romped, leaping over each other, or, in fact, mostly Pippa leaping on me.  How she knocked me half way across the field, and how we laughed. It is a wonder my bones are still in one piece, but I do love her.  Once home, Young Lad had to listen to Symphony no 40 by Mozart and write all about the texture. timbre, dynamics and pitch.  Readers, this was a learning experience for all of us. 

Lad is working hard tonight on, you guessed it, Chemistry revision.  He is cross and shouting what the heck a lot, as he didn’t think alkali shows as purple on the Universal Indicator, and feels they’ve got it wrong.  In fact, Lad has got it wrong, but he may struggle with this as a concept.  Young Lad is watching Rookie Blue, now that Chicago Fire has finally been exhausted, and it is fairly peaceful.  His duvet is now on the hall radiator, sopping wet, and the summer 7.5 tog duvet is on his bed tonight.  Poor Young Lad.  Lad has just shouted, “ah, formulation!”  I am concerned that he is developing Tourettes or some such thing. Poor Lad.

I’m off to visit Sicknote tomorrow.  I’ve been told to be more sociable than I was last time.

See you soon,

Russell

 

Spaghetti confetti

imagesEvening, Friends. Another interesting day yesterday – when they all left for work/school I was given a silly plastic “dog puzzle”, in which you are supposed to leave treats and it will take your dog all morning to find them.  This  is blatantly not true.  All you have to do is pick the toy up, bang it on the ground hard, and it all falls apart.  Ergo, treats fall out.  What a major design fault – some idiot was probably paid generously for this idea. So I was quite bored after breaking the puzzle apart, and had a look through the cupboards. Then I remembered my new game!  Let’s remove Important Ingredients from the cupboard to spoil the Gourmet Menu plan next week.  So I dragged out the packet of spaghetti, which was half full, and clearly there for a planned bolognaise or Pasta Bianco (Jamie Oliver recipe.)  I chucked it on the lounge floor, where it shattered into lots of tiny pieces, and ate most of them.  I did some find some bits that I’d missed tonight, which is always a result the day after.  Honestly this game is fun.   So there goes the Quick Spaghetti dish for next Tuesday. Hee Hee.

Pippa’s Pack Leader came round to collect me for daycare, and found the mess I’d made.  I had also thrown carrier bags over the kitchen floor.  Anyway, I had a splendid day at Pippa’s house and made myself at home. He picked Young Lad up from school and they were home nice and early, it being Friday, so we all settled down and waited for She to come home with the usual pizzas and Friday night treats. It wasn’t quite the usual Friday evening though, as She went out to the cinema with Loadsakids, as they both bldy well needed a laugh, and Lad was on the Xbox, so it was just He, Young Lad and me on the sofa for the evening.  Very pleasant I must say. And a lie-in this morning, which I needed badly.  But what do you know!  When I went outside for my early comfort break this morning, it was snowing again.  This is ridiculous.  I had more than enough of that a couple of weeks ago, and it is now mid-March, for the love of God.  The daffodils are out!  It has snowed in a rather pathetic powdery neither- one -thing- nor- the- other type of way all day, and it is BITTERLY cold again.  Down by the river there were very few dogs out this morning, and for good reason.  But of course we had to do the 3 mile power walk, due to the lack of power walks this week, due to being at work all the time.  Three miles in windchill minus 6, Readers.  It wasn’t fun.

At lunchtime Lad had to be driven to a big town  a little way away, for a friend’s birthday celebration.  This was a surprise for the friend, and nobody had any idea what was going on.  Lad was rather concerned about the dress code,which stipulated no hoodies or joggers.  Lad only has hoodies and joggers.  Or school uniform.  Eventually he found a pair of jeans, but was still stumped by the no hoodie rule.  He has worn a hoodie, but not put the hood up.  See what he did there?  Clever.  Anyway, whilst we were on our way back from the river in minus 6 degrees, Lad rang to ask if there was a setting on the tumble dryer to get clothes dry in 15 minutes.   She was rather short with him, I feel, and unnecessarily harsh in her words.  Well, I hope Lad has had a lovely time wherever he is.  He needs to be picked up at 11pm, and it is snowing heavily plus there is a night-time road closure for roadworks, so that could be entertaining.

Young Lad has had a busy day doing, er, one piece of homework.  He felt that was enough for one day, and has left the rest for tomorrow.  This is not good Time Management, and he may regret this.  To be fair, he did try to do a second piece of homework, which involved listening to Mozart and commenting on timbre and pitch, yawn, but it proved tricky listening to Mozart over the noise of rugby matches on the telly.  There has been a lot of activity in the kitchen all afternoon, as it is Grandma’s birthday tomorrow, and we are going there for lunch.  She has been in the kitchen most of the afternoon making a Chocolate Baileys cheesecake (yes, that old chestnut again) and a Huge Lasagne.  Can you imagine the state of the kitchen afterwards, Readers? Quite how these are going to be transported in the car with all of us (including me) tomorrow, I do not know. But it bodes well for a good spillage and something for me to clear up.  Especially if the roads are slippery.  I look forward to it.

Thankfully, as it’s Saturday, there was no dinner round the table tonight, and therefore no Dreary DinnerTable Debates. Honestly, it all gets a bit much.  The discussion about Wet Sham’s mismanagement and what needs to be done went on for forty minutes the other day,  Interminable.  If only The Wet Sham Board,  Vladimir Putin and in fact all world leaders  would  listen to Lad, the planet would be a better place.  He knows so much!  He’s very underappreciated, like myself. 

Oh dear Lord.  The Scandi Nordi Noir thriller thing is on telly tonight, so there’ll be an hour of Sinister Music and Danish musings.  Young Lad and She are looking forward to cuddling up and watching this. I can only hope there are some snacks to make it bearable.  I know I’ve finished all the little bits of spaghetti from the carpet under the table, so I could do with something.  Though I did have something of a result this morning – He gave me my breakfast at 5.40am when Gingercat wanted to come in, and then She gave me breakfast at 6.30pm when Gingercat wanted to go out!  Sweet!  Two breakfasts today!  I was given half a dinner tonight, which is just cruel in this temperature.  Plus I had no titbits from their meal – after all the bldycooking of Cheesebldycake and bldyHugeLasagne, there was no energy left for nutritious home-cooking, so  the cheaper version of Harry Ramsdens it was.  The batter isn’t quite as good, if truth be told.

Well, tuck in and  keep warm tonight, Readers.  Except those of you in Australia who doubtless have the aircon on again. Must be awful for you.

I’ll let you know if the Huge Lasagne and Cheesecake end up all over the car.  I would think it’s likely.

Bye for now,

Russell

 

 

Toast!

toast_102709511_250 (1)A right result this morning, Readers.  Young Lad again took his eye off the ball, or his food in this case, and I ran off with his breakfast.  Before he even realised it had disappeared from his plate, Young Lad’s rather nice toast was dragged under the dining room table and eaten.  It was just the right level of crispy on the outside, soft inside – though I would have preferred a topping such as Nutella or a good quality marmalade, but I don’t get asked.  There was a plaintive cry of,”oh no!” from Young Lad when he realised he’d lost his chance to eat, but it serves him right for looking at his phone instead of his breakfast.  I loved it.  Top way to start the day.

Things were still looking up when they all left for work/school.  I was thrown, for the second time this week, a rawhide chewy shoe thing, to try and keep me busy until Pippa’s Pack Leader arrived.   Two treats in a week! It took nine minutes to eat the chewy shoe thing, and I spent the rest of the time looking through cupboards.  My new delivery of food arrived yesterday, and I KNOW She’s put it somewhere safe, but I just couldn’t find it anywhere.  This was very aggravating and wasted a lot of my time. I was disgusted by the state of the house, frankly, as I looked round – Lad is having terrible problems with his coordination again, and struggles to bend down to pick up the four towels, pyjamas, school shirts and underwear from his bedroom floor.  Poor Lad.  I think it is a balance disability.  It may be hereditary, as Young Lad is beginning to develop the same problem.  The bathroom needs a good clean, in truth, and as for the kitchen…. well, this selfish attitude of going to work every day comes at a price.  Thank goodness I went to Ebony’s house yesterday, and Pippa’s today, as conditions there are much better.

There was no blog last night again – I did warn you things would be slack this week.  She and Lad had to go to The Very Important Place in London yet again, which involved more pleasant travelling in the bldy Rush Hour and moaning about being bldy tired when they finally arrived home.  Dinner was a scant affair of hash browns, fish fingers and baked beans – where  is the nutrition in this, I wonder?  What an appalling plate of processed rubbish.  She said they were bldylucky to even get that, and sat down with a healthy tuna sandwich. Young Lad had been Dumped at a friend’s house after school, yet again, and then went to Indoor Cricket.  He enjoyed this very much, but does tend to exaggerate the “injuries” sustained every week, which is rather tiresome.  He went to collect Young Lad from cricket, as She was busy testing those gourmet skills with the hash browns, and then we had a peaceful end of the evening, He, Young Lad, Lad and I – all sitting on the sofa eating processed freezer food and watching football (Chelsea/Barcelona – gripping stuff, apparently.  I don’t know, I was asleep.)  In a fit of pique because football bores her rigid, She was watching GPs Behind Closed Doors in the other room.  Dear God.

I had a marvellous day at Ebony’s yesterday, and thoroughly enjoyed myself.  There is a New Routine now, Readers, whereby Young Lad or She walk me down to Ebony’s house as they leave for school/work.  To be honest with you, and I know this might sound harsh, I couldn’t wait to get in the door at Ebony’s – she was standing in the kitchen wagging her tail at me, and I ran straight in, not even looking back at my Pack Leader.  She said it was like when you leave your precious babies at Nursery, and they can’t wait to see the back of you.  Anyway, a super day again and I was jolly tired by the evening  – they don’t have the monopoly on that just because they’d been to school/work and then London. It can’t be that exhausting – I know for a fact that Lad and She had lunch in Costalotta in London, because there was a discussion about how outrageous it was that they were only given 2 small pats of butter with their toast, and how She had to virtually hold the barista at gunpoint to obtain a third one.  Really, Readers, if your biggest gripe in life is that the barista in Costalotta Holborn was a tadge stingy with the butter, you’re not doing badly.

So on to today, and a lovely day at Pippa’s house. I was impeccably behaved as usual, and had two cracking walks. Now, Regular Readers will know that there are a few groups of people that I’m not altogether taken with.  I bark menacingly and loudly at:  Old people.  People in wheelchairs or with walking sticks.  People with dark skin. People with foreign accents.  Large groups of children.  Fishermen.  And today, I met a new group of people that I Don’t Like.  Pippa agrees with me, and we both went a bit mental when these people knocked on her door. They were far, far too nicely dressed for my liking, and their shoes were shiny. Suits and ties were immaculate, and their teeth were very white.  I just couldn’t take to them, Readers.  I believe they are called Jehovah’s Witnesses.  They’d better not come knocking on my door again, that’s all I can say!

Poor Lad had his Maths Tutor after school again tonight, so pity was taken on him as catching the bus home would mean a very long day.  So he was given a lift. Young Lad, on the other hand, had to walk ALL the way home from school.  It’s the first time this week, to be fair, as various friends’ relatives have given him lifts every day.  Dinner tonight was a fraction  better than last night – spag bol, broccoli and carrots.  Oh and two slices of garlic bread found at the bottom of the freezer. Nice sloppy plates for me, so I was happy.  Readers, the Dinnertable Discussion never fails to amaze me.  Tonight we were back to the Donald Trump Is He Ok After All debate, followed closely by Is There Going To Be A War With Russia, which THEN turned into a lengthy discourse about What is The Point Of War Anyway? Sheesh.  Why can’t they just talk about the Kardashians like most people?  It’s rather pretentious and very dull – and most of these conversations are started by Lad.  Young Lad only really talks about the fight he saw at school at lunchtime, and how fast they all legged it when they saw Mr Newman coming.  I don’t see why they need to talk over dinner at all, what a ridiculous concept!  Just eat!

Well hurrah, it is Friday tomorrow.  It’s been a long week, Readers, in which I’ve barely seen my family.   I can only hope things improve next week.  Another day at Pippa’s tomorrow, praise be, and then my own family might deign to spend some time with me at the weekend.  Don’t hold your breath.

Bye for now,

Russell

 

Rock Cakes

20180313_175412 Well, Readers, a busy couple of days.  I did warn you there would be a lack of blogs this week, as She is toobldybusy, and it seems I was right.  I had NO opportunity to play up when everyone went to work/school yesterday, as Ebony’s Pack Leader turned up to collect me before She and Young Lad had even left home!  So there was no bin-raiding, cupboard-emptying or recycling- ripping yesterday morning.  Bah.  Then, at the other end of the day, I was left at Ebony’s house until late because Young Lad was the first person home, and therefore meant to pick me up.  However, Young Lad, “forgot”, despite two text messages reminding him, to which he answered, “ok!”  His short term memory was extremely short yesterday, and by the time he’d typed “ok”, he’d forgotten what the instruction was.  Poor Young Lad.  So I stayed at Ebony’s until He got in from work and even had a second walk with my dear friend!  She was very cross when She found out about this aberration on Young Lad’s part, and banned him from the Xbox today in the hope that it might help his short term memory problems. This seems unkind. Anyway, I had a lovely day with Ebony yesterday, and there was no horrid fishwife shrieking at her as she bounded across the fields in search of rabbit carcasses.  

There was a half- hearted attempt at a roast for dinner last night, to make up for the indolence on Mother’s Day.   This is always a good choice from my point of view, due to the gravy and sloppy plates in the dishwasher. Then there was a Quiet Hour after tea, in which Lad did yet more revision, and She asked Young Lad repeatedly if he had any homework to do.  Young Lad repeatedly said no, but didn’t bother to check. He loaded the dishwasher with my help, and then went to watch Eastenders or some such nonsense on the other tv. It was all very peaceful, until Young Lad remembered, after an hour and a half, that he did indeed have homework to do.  It turned out this was  to collect together the ingredients for today’s Food Technology lesson – in which the giddy height of Rock Cakes was to be reached.  Young Lad had to be told, calmly and quietly, that 8pm the night before Food Technology is NOT the time to announce that he needs 250g of unsalted butter.  Young Lad needs to learn about Time Management, much like the rest of the family.  And thankgod Tesco opens at bldy7am.

Readers, there has been a welcome lull in the Nordic Scandi Noir Drama Dreary type stuff lately – honestly, I was sick to death of it.  But no longer – they’ve found yet another production from Danish TV with a lot of Darkness and Subtitles.  Give me strength.  So I slept through that and was jolly glad when it was bedtime.  Actually, I was so exhausted from my day at Ebony’s that I was in a VERY heavy sleep when Lad tried to put me in the garden before bed.  Readers, I was highly irritated at being pushed off the sofa, and I growled and whinged at him.  Unfortunately it was in a rather high-pitched silly voice, where I was so sleepy, and didn’t sound very masculine at all, so I don’t think Lad was frightened.  Lad just said, “Russell MOVE”,  so I growled a bit more and wrinkled my nose to show  him who is in charge.

I was SO close, this morning, to half a croissant.  So close, Readers.  Lad was, as usual, multi-tasking slowly by eating his breakfast and getting dressed at the same time – he didn’t have time to finish his Large Lidl Croissant, and chucked the end of it in the bathroom bin.  What an appalling waste, I thought to myself, and made a mental note of where it was.  I sat by the bathroom door and stared hard at the bin, willing the croissant to levitate through the air towards me.  It didn’t.  And then, to my utter annoyance, She put the bin in the bath and pushed it right up the far end, so that I couldn’t reach it.  I mean, how many of you have your bathroom bins in your bath of a day? Exactly.  Golly I  was annoyed.  I deliberately went downstairs and walked all over the kitchen floor that had just been washed to make a point.  On the upside, though, when She and Young Lad left for school/work, I was thrown a rawhide chewy shoe.  I haven’t had one of these for months, as nobody ever remembers to buy them, so this was a treat.  It does, in fact, keep me busy for about ten minutes, which is 9.5 minutes longer than the Kong.

When Pippa’s Pack Leader Male came to pick me up for daycare, he found me upstairs.  I did say to you all in the last blog, that I would start from the top of the house and work down, and I do keep to my word.  Unfortunately there was bugger all to do upstairs .  I had opened a cupboard in the kitchen and chucked the tin foil on the floor, but that is all I managed to do.  Disappointing.  Anyway, it was a top day at Pippa’s house with her jumping all over me and a splendid walk – this culminated in me rolling in some cack, over and over again.  I stink.

Readers, I’ve had a right result tonight. Young Lad was STARVING and couldn’t possibly wait the fifteen minutes until dinner was ready, so decided to eat one of his Rock Cakes.  He sat down with this on a plate, on his lap.  Friends, you should never take your eyes off your food.  I don’t.  With one graceful leap, like a salmon rising from the stream, I snatched that Rock Cake and ran off with it.  I can tell you, Young Lad’s Rock Cakes are a TRIUMPH.  Absolutely delicious, and well worth the bldy trip to Tesco at 7.20 am for the unsalted butter.  Oh, it was divine, just melted in the mouth.  Needless to say I was shouted at and told to get in my bed, but I’d do it again in a flash. Mmmm.  I’ll be dreaming of that tonight.

Lad started an interesting discussion at the dinner table tonight, by saying he wants us to move house to another town, so he can be nearer his friends to hang out.  This was talked about calmly and gently, and nobody said don’tbesobldyridiculous haveyouanyideawhatthatwouldcost  or anything like that.  It wasn’t a long discussion.  

Oh dear God, the second episode of the Scandi Nordi Noir thing is going on.

Ebony’s house for me tomorrow, Friends, as none of my family give a monkey’s yet again.

Bye for now,

Russell