During this very strange time of Coronavirus and Lockdown, Readers, we have all learned some invaluable lessons. Many of you have learned the importance of taking life more slowly, appreciating nature and the world around you, and not rushing around so much. Some of you will have learned the utter pleasure that is Home Learning when one’s offspring can’t go to school – I’ve heard this is such fun. And I am certain that lots of my Friends have by now mastered the one-way system in Tesco.
I have learned that if you stand under a basketball net while someone is playing, and you get hit by the ball, it hurts.
It took me a while to understand this, in all honesty, and I have continued to stand under the basketball net while Young Lad is shooting hoops or whatever it is they do, but I am beginning to realise that basketballs are heavy great things and if they doink you on the head, it smarts a little. I might choose to stand somewhere else in future. This does irk me, somewhat, though, as I feel the garden is my territory primarily and I should be able to stand or lie wherever I like. If I choose to lie across the goal mouth whilst Young Lad and his friends are playing football they should see this as a sign that they need to do something else – possibly some Home Learning – not carry on around me. The same with the basketball, and even cricket on the odd occasion that I plant myself squarely in the way of the bowler. A little consideration for me wouldn’t go amiss.
Anyway, it’s been a funny couple of weeks or so since I last wrote and I do apologise yet again for the infrequency of my thoughts. Someone has been ‘toobldybusy’ and by the time She is home from work, walks me for an hour, cooks dinner and sits down there is precious little energy left for writing my blog or giving me any attention whatsoever. Young Lad and Lad don’t get much either. Really and truly, She has no idea what we do all day at home (or don’t do) as we are all completely left to our own devices day after day. It’s poor parenting at its worst, Readers. Occasionally Young Lad is admonished for not having completed all his Home Learning, but then if the responsible adult is never here to keep him off Youtube, it’s hardly his fault!
It’s been lovely down at the river of an evening – though there are still a lot of groups of teenagers hanging around, with their accompanying picnics and strange smells. We tend to skirt round the groups of teenagers with our heads down, so that no eye contact is made. The thought does occur to She, occasionally, that we ought to warn the teenagers about the grass snakes living in the long grass near the river, but on the other hand they could just find out the hard way. That would be a lot more entertaining. Of course I’m kept firmly on the lead so that I can’t eat any sweets/crisps/rubbish that the teenagers leave in a pretty array of colours every time they leave.
At the weekend, when I was up in Top Woods past Pheasant Field, the phone rang and Lad asked if we were near Tesco. We stood still and looked around but all we could see were trees as we were in the middle of the BLDY WOODS and so NO we were NOT near Tesco. Sometimes I wonder about Lad.
Several times lately people have stopped to ask if I’m a Beagle (doh!) and to chat about the nature of my breed. Two people said they were thinking of getting a Beagle. She said, “just don’t do it,” and snorted.
This is harsh. All I have done over the last couple of weeks is roll in fox cack twice, run off in Pheasant Field for so long that a nice man with a spaniel had to help search for me, rip up the recycling and empty the vegetable peelings bag over the kitchen floor as I helped myself. “Just don’t do it” my arse.
It was Young Lad’s birthday at the weekend, and to celebrate this and the easing of Lockdown the decision was made to go out for lunch for the first time in four months. Normally this would mean Express Pizza, but sadly Express Pizza hasn’t reopened yet so a local greasy spoon had to suffice. Young Lad was thrilled with this as there on the menu was steak and chips! I would have chosen this, too. Young Lad ordered the steak, Lad had a New York Burger, and She had a halloumi wrap. Can you see which of my family like to live dangerously?
Young Lad then brought a couple of his friends back here for an afternoon of football and basketball in the garden, which was good news for me as they constantly ate snacks and dropped bits. Then, before you know it, they were asking what was for dinner and could they have a McDonalds – how She laughed as She headed off to sit in the bldydrivethrough queue on a Sunday afternoon.
Two days later the car still ‘stinks of McDonalds’ as apparently the smell hangs around much like some of the ones I produce.
There was a terrible disaster here on Sunday night, Readers. I had to cover my ears and so did Gingercat, due to the amount of bad language and the hostile atmosphere. On moving the Xbox (sorry, the bldyXbox) from one room to another, She managed to do something to one end of the lead adaptor thingy, and the Xbox would no longer turn on. Readers, Young Lad had JUST THAT DAY been given a new martial arts game to play, and the RUBBISH STUPID POXY XBOX was broken. Then Lad joined in the hysterics, as he was due to play online with his friends later in the evening and WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO DO?!!!!
Root canal surgery without an anaesthetic would have caused less pain.
The following day, She worked out which pin in the adaptor cable thingy was broken and ordered a replacement from Amazon – thank God for Amazon – and by paying a ridiculous amount for super- duper- speedy -teenagers- on- the -brink delivery, the cable arrived today. Peace has been restored, everyone is speaking to each other again and there has even been a slight show of gratitude from Lad! Well done, Lad.
It’s dismal here this evening, Friends – grey and rainy, more like a winter’s day. I can’t wait to go to bed – I think I’ll go early tonight. She has been cross with me lately as I’ve developed a habit of needing a comfort break in the garden at 5.20 am and although I go straight back to bed and into a heavy sleep for hours, She moans about having 20 more measly minutes nap before the alarm goes off. Seize the day, I would say; get up and do some yoga, clean the bathroom or just enjoy the quiet of the early morning. Not me, obviously, as I’ll be sound asleep with Gingercat on the bed, but She might as well carpe diem. Rather than carping on.
Readers I do hope you are keeping well and enjoying the extra freedom since Lockdown started easing. It’s made no difference to me whatsoever other than having everyone at home more, which has been rather nice.
Keep washing your hands, and see you soon.