Readers, I was wrong about this weekend not being exciting. It turned out to be very exciting indeed and I am always one to put my paw up as soon as I have made an error.
Yesterday afternoon Young Lad’s mate Detention Friend came to our house so that they could do their homework together. This seemed like an excellent idea to me, as it would inevitably involve eating something and leaving crumbs. What I wasn’t quite so thrilled with was the content of this homework. There I was, trying to sleep in my chair, when all I could hear was sighing and moaning from She about the task in hand. Young Lad and Detention Friend had to create presentations about their chosen Shakespeare play, and as they had both been late coming to the table as it were, all the popular choices had been spoken for. Thus they were both trying to work out the stories of totally obscure ones. All I gathered, Readers, was that Young Lad’s gay love triangle was just as complicated as it was last week when he was doing this, and Detention Friend’s play was about someone trying to sleep with a nun.
Really, it does make you wonder.
The good thing was that once this homework had been finished, Detention Friend decided to stay here and watch the rugby with Young Lad, which called for more snacks and drinks. I had a lovely time clearing up whatever little bits didn’t make it to their mouths.
Things got even better, Friends, when someone suggested that selling cakes at today’s football match would be a good fund-raiser, and so She took to the kitchen for an hour and a half of baking. It was wonderful – there was icing sugar and cocoa powder everywhere, and I climbed into the dishwasher at one point to grab the beaters from the mixer and run off with them. Thus amidst much moaning and huffing, three boxes of cakes were made ready for football early this morning.
Early this morning football was cancelled. Oh you do have to laugh!!
There was a howling gale-force wind this morning and lashing rain, and I made it perfectly clear that I didn’t want to go for a walk by lying in my chair with my back to everyone. She failed to understand this message and dragged me over the Rec for a “quick one.” I neither needed nor wanted a quick one. In something of a bad mood when we returned home, I climbed back into my chair and positioned my back to everyone again. But what do you know? He and Young Lad came at me with my lead, and I was put in the car. This irked me, as it was a filthy day and I just wanted a kip.
But Readers, a lovely surprise was in store for me, as we went to lunch at Grandma’s house! Yes! One of my favourite things to do; Grandma’s house smells of lovely food the minute you walk in and there is always a tray of Tempura Prawns for hors d’oeuvres. So I was very happy for a few hours, begging for food and lying under the table during a full Sunday roast, hoping for a wayward piece of chicken or two. I was very well behaved and my anal glands didn’t leak onto Grandma’s sofa for once.
In the meantime, She and Lovelydor down the road went out for a cream tea. This is because Tiptree jam and clotted cream can make even the worst week look a bit better, apparently, and they tried out this theory very carefully. Nobody ever takes me out for a cream tea when I’ve had a bad week – I feel I would like a cream tea quite a lot and wouldn’t it be nice if someone did this for me, one day? I know for a fact that She and Lovelydor were saying things like “mmm” and “oh God this is gorgeous” with their mouths full of warm scone, and I would so like to be given the chance to agree with them,
Anyway. Yesterday I encountered a little problem, Friends, which could have ended up in a very nasty incident indeed. Down by the river, someone rather irritating has closed off the bridge – yes, the very bridge over the river where we stand and look for dead bodies and from where we wander up to Top Field. This bridge has been closed off for maintenance work according to the signs, but it hasn’t occurred to the irritating people in charge that dogs can’t read, and so I ignored the signs and squeezed under their nasty metal gate to walk across the bridge. Imagine my surprise to find there was no bridge but just some metal poles sticking out of the water. I could so easily have lost my footing and fallen in – and I would have been lost to you all. Thankfully a man with a spaniel shouted “whose is that dog?” as She was texting at the time and not supervising me properly AGAIN, so suddenly She jumped into rescue mode. How on earth was I going to be recovered from the wrong side of the nasty metal gate on the non-existent bridge?
She put a piece of ham on the ground and I squeezed back under to get it. It wasn’t rocket science.
I gather that the bridge is going to be closed for a good couple of weeks yet, and this annoys me. It will totally disrupt my routine as I will no longer be able to access Top Field or Top Top Field, and there are loads of rabbit droppings up there as you know. The selfishness of some people.
Well, Readers, here we are again facing a new week. Dear, dear Pippa is available this week, which is marvellous news, and means I will have a couple of days there and a couple of days with dear Ebony.
Before you start worrying about the three boxes of cakes in the house, and what I might do to them, the landlord of the local pub heroically stepped in to save the day and said he would flog She’s Brownies and Bread Pudding on the bar. I’m not convinced that either of these, or chocolate butterfly cakes, go down very well with a pint of Adnams but who am I to pick holes. It’s possible that three full boxes of cake might come back here tomorrow – fingers crossed, Friends.
Bye for now,