Usurper

griff Look, this is MY blog!  Really, it does annoy me when someone else tries to grab the limelight in whichever pathetic way they can.  There was absolutely no need for Gingercat to climb into the Tesco carrier bag today, and sit there while dinner was being prepared.  It is shameless attention-seeking and it does get on my nerves.

I’ve been moaned at a lot today.  It wasn’t my fault.  She took me out for a walk this afternoon and was already in a bad mood because of how bldyfreezing it was at the end of the bldyworld where Young Lad’s match was being played. Then, having been hopping from foot to foot for 70 minutes in a windchill factor of minus ten, She had no choice but to take me out for another fifty minutes as soon as returning home.  It was raining by this time, too.

Actually I was extremely well-behaved for most of the walk.  It was only at the end, when I saw my dear friend Pippa in the distance, that things started to go awry. Pippa and I bounded towards each other and frolicked away to our hearts’ content, while our Pack Leaders stood on the path and discussed doggy daycare plans for the week ahead. They were so engrossed in their conversation that they didn’t notice us frolick off a little further ahead, where I found a very large pile of something gooey and rank.  Pippa was well-behaved and simply stood watching me, as I rolled over and over in it.  It was nice.  I was screamed at, of course, and dragged home in disgrace where I had to be soaked in the bath and rubbed VERY roughly with my new fox poo shampoo, in order to remove all the slime.   Then the bathroom was bleached from top to bottom, and I was sent to my bed in the kitchen in disgrace.

Talk about over-react.

Anyway, due to someone having spent half the day outside in conditions that would have tested Ernest Shackleton, we now have the fire on, and I’m cuddled up in a blanket on that person’s knee.  It’s lovely.  The wind is howling outside, Young Lad is snuggled up next to me watching Family Guy and all is cosy.  Some snacks would be nice, of course.

Lad seems terribly hungry all the time these days – I know the feeling, and nobody suggests Lad has a tapeworm – and has spent the last two evenings eating non-stop for hours whilst on the Xbox.  Lad has been asked to clear up after himself at the end of the evenings, and he has been very good at putting all his rubbish in the bin.  I have been very good at getting it all out again, and running round the house with crisp packets, cake wrappers, more crisp packets and a few more crisp packets.  Generally I deposit these under the dining room table, and it was good to see that She finally got down on the floor today and crawled under there to tidy up.  Readers, I don’t like to be a snitch, but Lad had actually eaten a WHOLE MULTIPACK of Skips last night.  Yep, that’s six packets.  Poor Lad, he is not given enough food and it is shoddy parenting when one’s offspring have no choice but to stuff themselves silly with maize snacks.

Yesterday I had a nice lie-in as it was Saturday, and it was rather pleasant to be allowed to sleep beyond 8am.  He took me for a long walk in the morning, which was really nice and then She took me for another one in the afternoon.  This totalled two walks in the space of a few hours, and left me exhausted.  Thus  I needed another lie-in this morning and am very glad nobody got up early.

Young Lad couldn’t find his thermal layers for his football match today, even though Detention Friend was here trying to help in the search, so in an unusual moment of ingenuity, She found a dark coloured pyjama top and said that will have to do.  I’m not sure whether it is good parenting to send one’s child to a football match in a pyjama top, but necessity is the mother of invention or some such nonsense.  This evening Young Lad has found his thermal top on the banisters, underneath several winter coats.  Of course it was.

Readers, I need to interject at this point with a little update about my book – I have now sold over 170 copies and am about to make another payment to the Important Place In London.  Thank you very much to all you lovely purchasers.

Friday night wasn’t the usual Slovenly Pizza night for all of us – at least Young Lad, He and I curled up in the lounge eating pizza, but She went to the cinema with her good friend Loadsakids.   Mostly they go to sit somewhere dark and warm with a cup of tea, and not have to talk to anyone.  I’m not sure this is the point of the cinema but never mind.  There is always much Googling afterwards,when neither of them has fully understood the ending and they have to explain it to each other.  Readers, I’m very glad that this isn’t my idea of a good time. 

I have received some more fan-mail recently, with a lovely long letter and a photo from a spaniel.  Yes really.

Well that wind is building quite dramatically and I’m jolly glad to be indoors.  I have no intention of going out for a comfort break at 10pm and will snarl/snap/wrinkle my nose when they try to make me.  Tomorrow I’m at dear Ebony’s house and I’m hoping there are some nice treats around, as I know for a fact that her Pack Leader Male had a special birthday recently and there might be some decent food.  To be honest I’m a bit fed up with Skips and licking out crisp packets.

Do you know what is forecast later in the week?  Yes Readers, snow.  Doubtless it’s media hysteria and will amount to nothing more than a couple of flakes but that’s a couple too many in my opinion.  The only good thing about the snow is that everyone feels sorrier than usual for the Stupid Starlings and loads of food gets put out on the bird table for me to eat.

Stay warm, Friends.

Bye for now,

Russell

Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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