Hostile Action

37128380-cartoon-paper-boy-by-bikeVery early yesterday morning, Readers, I thwarted an attempted attack on my home.  It was about 6.30am and still dark, as I sat in my chair in the study looking out the window.  Everyone else was stomping around upstairs getting ready for school/work and moaning a lot, so I decided to curl up on a blanket by the radiator and keep out of the way.

Well, it’s a good job I did!  There I was, looking up the road when suddenly I spotted a very threatening figure moving swiftly towards our house, wearing a hoodie and a high-vis jacket.  I was terrified, Readers, and immediately moved to protect my family by barking hysterically and very loudly.  “GET AWAY” I roared to the figure in the road, “DO NOT DARE COME NEAR MY HOME FOR I WILL KILL YOU.”  I ignored the shouts from upstairs telling me to pack it in, and I barked on and on and on.  Closer and closer came the nasty dark figure, and I was in a frenzy.

It was the paperboy.  He is thirteen.

He doesn’t deliver to our house but that’s not the point.

Anyway once I had calmed down and the danger had passed, I had no choice but to go and sleep in my armchair as I was exhausted.  Nobody thanked me for my efforts.  It was a very traumatic start to the day, I can tell you.  Thank goodness Ebony’s Pack Leader came to collect me soon afterwards, and I really couldn’t wait to get out to her.  I felt safe and loved once with Ebony’s Pack Leader, which is rare for me in my own home.

So anyway, I had a lovely day at dear Ebony’s house and was very well-behaved. I enjoyed our walks and particularly enjoyed my sleep.  It is so peaceful at Ebony’s house.

It was very cold last night, Friends, and She put a fleecy blanket on Young Lad’s bed.  I think this was for me, so I jumped straight on it and spread out.  Young Lad was squashed up in one corner with a small amount of duvet over him and no fleecy blanket but I  think he was ok.  I didn’t stop to check.  It was so lovely and warm on this blanket that I really didn’t want to get up this morning and could have slept for hours.  Lad had the same problem. Really, who wants to get up in the freezing cold and dark at some unearthly hour?

But there we were, with the hideous alarm clocks going off.  I was back at dear Ebony’s again today, and I know for a fact that she isn’t fed up with me.  Everyone was late home from school/work tonight and dinner was rather late – Young Lad had inadvertently gone to after-school detention, which confused everyone as nobody knew why he was there.  It turned out well, however, as Detention Friend was meant to be in detention again, but was let out early to walk home with Young Lad.  She was late home due to the bldy car being in for bldyservice and MOT, and He was late home too.  This annoyed me, as it meant dinner was late which also means pre-rinsing the dishwasher was late.  This has impacted on my evening sleep time.  I do wish people would stick to time schedules better in this house.

Actually I had to show some aggression by the dishwasher tonight.  It had been Pasta Bianco for dinner (Jamie Oliver) as it’s quick to knock up when you are jolly well late home, and this is always a result as the spaghetti sticks to the plates and there is some garlicky gloop to clean off.  However, She put her knee in the way of the dishwasher as I was trying to climb in, and I had to headbutt the knee rather hard to make her move it.  I simply could not reach the plates at the back of the bottom row, so I had to snarl and growl until I was given more room to manoeuvre.

As usual our house is disgustingly untidy.  Young Lad has been told to get his school things ready the night before, to avoid all the I’ve forgotten my trainers/football boots/calculator/French book scenarios.  Bearing in mind it is Wednesday tomorrow and there is evening football training to factor in as well as a day at school, and you will see why the hall floor can’t be seen for sportswear, shinpads, thermal layers and exercise books. Quite why these things can’t be put in a bag is beyond me.  This is not my idea of organisation but it’s a step in the right direction.

I’m sorry to say that there is a very slight chance of snow tomorrow.  She says She’ll believe it when She sees it and I hope She’s right as I can’t bear the stuff.  To be on the safe side, I intend going to bed nice and early on Young Lad’s fleecy blanket and hunkering down for the night. It would be good if someone provided me with a hot water bottle but of course they won’t.  Or some extra food to compensate for the cold, but that doesn’t happen either.  Lad spends every waking moment going through the cupboards looking for food and clearly the cold weather is affecting him, too.

In fact, I think I’ll bed down for the night now.  I want to make sure that Young Lad hasn’t taken up too much of the bed.

Keep warm, Friends.

See you soon,



Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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