Midnight Mass(ive Bill)

34830876-stock-vector-pet-doctorHave you had a lovely Christmas, Friends?  I do hope so.  I hope that you are sitting relaxed and full-bellied, after a couple of days of fine food and company.  I am.  I’ve had a SPLENDID time!

Now, I know many of you have been worried about me after the unfortunate incident on Christmas Eve.  For anyone who needs to catch up, I raided the cupboard during the evening on the 24th, and found a box of mini-mince pies that had dropped down a shelf and were wedged at the back of one that was in my reach.  I ate loads of them.  After mentioning this on my blog, we were inundated with kind messages telling us that raisins are VERY poisonous to dogs and that my kidneys could fail after imbibing this much quality mincemeat.  Thank goodness for these messages, Friends, as my own family are clueless and have no idea.  As a result, She had to change out of her pyjamas and put down the Christmas Eve Gordons with ice, and get dressed. Then He and She drove me over to the emergency vet in a town nearby.  It was 10.15pm and I sensed some irritation. 

Well, Friends, if you’ve never been to the Emergency Vet late on Christmas Eve, you should go!  When we got there the nice lady on reception said “he’s the fifth mince pie dog tonight,”  and there were lots of owners sitting in the waiting room while their dogs were vomiting up their mince pies out the back.  So I was dragged out the back to join them and given a nasty injection.  What do you know, half an hour later I was retching into a large bowl and I felt AWFUL.  In the meantime He and She were busy chatting to the other owners in the waiting room and discussing their badly behaved dogs, or predicting what the out-of-hours bill would be.   They were joined by another owner whose Border Terrier had eaten a large Thorntons chocolate Christmas Tree, and he too was brought out the back for The Injection.

Honestly, it was so undignified.  Once I’d finished regurgitating everything, the bowl was taken to She for inspection and they had to count how many raisins they could see, then compare this to how many they thought there had been in the number of mince pies I ate.  He and She said they had never had to do this on Christmas Eve before, and it made a change from Midnight Mass.

The Emergency Evil Vet then said that as nobody could guarantee I had brought back ALL the raisins, I should really stay there for two days on a drip.  He and She said they would risk it and take me home – they based this judgement on my past history of eating poisonous things (the ten-inch 3 tier chocolate cake for one).  How caring of them.  But to be fair I didn’t really want to stay there for two days on a drip as I would have missed Christmas Day and all the begging for turkey.

So we arrived home at half past midnight and it didn’t need all the moaning as that’s the time they would have returned from Midnight Mass had they gone. I’m not falling for “Midnight Mass is uplifting” whilst the Emergency Evil Vet is just “stressful and expensive”.  What nonsense.  Yes the bill was huge, but it was worth it.  Nana aged 87 and Lad were still up, as they couldn’t go to bed until they were sure I was going to survive which is kind of them.  So we all had a chat and it was getting on for 1am before we headed to bed.  I was exhausted from the trauma of it all and still felt a bit icky.  We all wished each other a Happy Christmas as we went to bed as technically it was by now Christmas Day.

A few hours later She got up to start preparing food for Christmas Lunch with the family.  After a brief and unpleasant comfort break in the garden I went back to bed as I was still tired.  She gave me a filthy look as I walked past.

They’ve had to watch me carefully for a couple of days to ensure my condition doesn’t deteriorate.  If I become lethargic or limp, or start drinking huge amounts of water, I have to be rushed back to the Emergency Evil Vet.  You will be very relieved to know that I spent Christmas Day whining and begging for food, especially the turkey which smelled divine, and the Tempura Prawn tails that Grandma brought with her as Grandma has remembered how much I like them.  I have been drinking a fair bit of water but Tesco Finest all-butter pastry mini mince pies are quite rich, and eleven of them are bound to make you thirsty.  And Tempura Prawn tails are a tadge salty so have the same effect.

I haven’t drunk much this afternoon and I’ve coped with TWO long walks today, plus a houseful of visitors yesterday, plus a bath this afternoon as I rolled in fox poo again.  I think it would be unfair to accuse me of being lethargic after all this.  

Did you get any lovely presents for Christmas, Friends?  I did!!   My dear friend Pippa bought me some expensive Fox Poo shampoo, which I have tested this afternoon.  It seems excellent.  Then Lovelydor down the road gave me a fabulous fleecy dog blanket in which I’ve been cuddled up this afternoon.  AND my dear friend Ebony gave me a cushion on which there is a huge picture of ME!!  It’s amazing!  This sits on the back of my armchair and it makes people jump when they walk in the room as it looks like I am sitting on top of the armchair staring at them.  I love it.  Plus I have received various snacks and treats.  I do feel I deserve them, on the balance of things.

Christmas Day was great fun with lots of board games and discussions.  It all became quite loud and silly at times and I just tried to sleep through it.  Today has been a little quieter and I’m very glad to say that we were all allowed a lie-in this morning.  Good Lord I needed it.  Lad seemed tired and frustrated with the Christmas food again today – at lunchtime he was very vexed to find he had put coleslaw straight onto his jacket potato without adding butter first.  This caused Lad a lot of upset as he much prefers butter first, then coleslaw and he did go on about this for quite a while.  I do understand – it’s important to get the right order of flavours when eating.  Poor Lad.   Then He, Lad and Young Lad had to go and fix the roofbox on top of the car.  Lad is the only one of these three who has any previous experience of this whatsoever and it did take quite a time.  I don’t think Young Lad helped much by constantly wanting to get IN the roof box.  In fact Lad said that Young Lad had done “Jack XXXX” to help.

The roof box is on because we are taking Nana aged 87 back tomorrow, but going to Funnygit and The Cousins for the day en route.  We cannot fit five people, me and all the stuff in the car; hence the roofbox.  I think Lad, Young Lad and He enjoyed this hour of their time on Boxing Day afternoon.

It has been lovely having Nana aged 87 here.  I have tried to behave nicely and not get on her bed, and when we have Nana aged 87 here there seems an endless supply of cups of tea and food.  It’s wonderful and very unlike normal life around here. 

Readers, I hope you have had a wonderful Christmas and I really am grateful to those of you who knew that raisins are poisonous to dogs.

Bye for now,





Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

One thought on “Midnight Mass(ive Bill)”

  1. Russell, I too let myself down by eating the whole tin of quality Street including wrappers. As I developed projectile vomiting I was spared the horrible injections. My family have been moaning quite a bit as the vomit stained the new carpet. They should have put them on a higher shelf!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: