It’s that funny time of year, Readers, that is the few days after Christmas. Like me, lots of you are probably just relaxing in your armchairs and trying to digest all the things you’ve eaten over the last few days. Like eleven mini-mince pies. Oh let’s not start going on about that again – honestly I’m sick of hearing about it. Everywhere I’ve been over Christmas it’s been the same old thing – telling everyone the dull story about the late night visit to the Emergency Evil Vet on Christmas Eve. For the love of God let’s move on.
As it happens I’m not the only one that has been a tadge cheeky on the food front. My dear friend Sicknote’s dog Delilah acquainted herself with a tin of of Quality Street over Christmas and the result was interesting. Delilah saved her family the huge vet bill that I ran up, by considerately vomiting the Quality Street chocolates and wrappers all over the new carpet. What was saved in vet bills has been lost in the cost of a ruined carpet but that’s not the point. Now I don’t normally much like Delilah due to her happy and easy-going nature, but my level of respect for her has increased massively due to her efforts in stealing Quality Street. Normally eating huge quantities of poisonous goods is my department, but really this is a tremendous effort on her part.
I’ve spent a lot of the last twenty-four hours in the car, Readers, on the joy that is known as the M25. It is known at the Poxy M25 in our family as She has moaned a lot about it recently. I’ve slept solidly in the boot of the car on my new blanket so haven’t really noticed the miles of queues at the bldy Dartford Crossing, bldy Clacket Lane Services and the bldy speed restrictions on the M23 blah blah blah. Honestly the whingeing. This was all in order to take Nana aged 87 back home, via a family lunch with her brother Funnygit and the Cousins yesterday. Unfortunately I wasn’t invited to this lunch, which annoyed me intensely. Instead I had to be dumped at Nana aged 87’s house on my own, but I was quite happy with this as last time it happened, I trashed her house. It was hilarious fun!
This time more precautions were taken and one of the bedroom doors were closed along with the kitchen door. I had to content myself with trashing the sofa and armchair – scratching up the cushions and blankets and throwing them all over the place. It looked much better when I’d finished. Then I went upstairs and had a sleep on a couple of the beds, scuffing up the duvets and pillows for good measure. It was an enjoyable way to pass the afternoon.
Then this morning I went for a long walk in a park near Nana aged 87’s house. It made a pleasant change to be somewhere different, with a completely different mix of smells everywhere. Up one end of the park there are some sheep on a hillside, but I was put back on the lead before I got to them in case I chased one, or more likely rolled in sheep poo. It was unexpected to see sheep grazing on a barren hillside at the top of a park, and had the whiff of a Biblical scene about it which was rather nice at Christmas.
Once away from the sheep and more importantly the sheep poo, I met a lively young dog called Howard. Now I had never seen Howard before in my life, but somehow we just clicked and he chased me all over the shop. I jumped on his back playfully a couple of times – yes me! – and put my tail between my legs, running in a demented fashion with him chasing me. Howard was a rescue dog from Greece, and his Pack Leader told us that he had been found wandering the streets as a puppy, thin and starving. Readers, how wonderful to know that there are people in the world that rescue dogs like Howard and bring them to loving families. What with that and the Biblical sheep I felt terribly uplifted on the way home.
There is a kebab/fish and chip shop between the park and Nana aged 87’s house, which took my mind off the spiritual feel of the morning as I made a bee-line for the chip wrappers blowing around.
After the long drive home, I was exhausted and really didn’t need a second walk this afternoon, but She says we’ve all eaten too much and need the exercise – speak for yourself, I say. I’ve had the odd extra bit of turkey and a couple of pigs in blankets but really I wouldn’t call this eating to excess, and if they’re still referring to the eleven mini-mince pies, that was DAYS ago. Regardless of my feelings I was dragged off to the Rec for another mile of walking fast to burn off some calories. How ridiculous. It turned out to be worth the effort, however, as we bumped into dear Ebony on the way home and stopped for a chat. Oh I was so pleased to see her, and her Pack Leader! Of course the dreary mince pie story was dredged up again and I had to hear how naughty Ebony had been at the meal table during Christmas lunch………really, do they have nothing else to talk about? Brexit? Religion?
I’ve had a good sleep in my chair on my new blanket this afternoon, with the cushion that bears my face resting on the back of the chair. Some would say I’m rather spoiled but I feel that this treatment is justified.
Lad has had relaxing afternoon watching Peaky Blinders and eating rubbishy snacks. Young Lad has had a relaxing afternoon playing on the Xbox and eating rubbishy snacks. He had to go into work briefly, and She has been trying to turn the pigsty bedrooms back into something with a semblance of order. I’m hoping that some of the chocolates from the Christmas stockings that Lad and Young Lad had in bed are still lying around, and I will go up for a good look tomorrow. Yes I do know that chocolate is bad for me….
The dishwasher was good tonight as a hearty home-made curry had been produced in an attempt to counteract all the processed rubbish that has been eaten lately. I fought my way in as the plates were loaded and had a good clear up of the spicy sauce – there was the odd grain of rice too, which was gratifying. There is a feeling here that some healthy meals are needed for the next few days and NO processed rubbish is to be eaten at mealtimes. Lad and Young Lad will be disappointed at this and may well go to KFC with their friends tomorrow.
Well I really am exhausted after the last few days of socialising. I do hope you are all relaxing and reflecting on how Christmas was for you.
See you soon,