Filth

0ccd8791-8794-4bef-a3fe-11e8cd2b4e11 Evening friends, the diagram on the left shows you at what I am staring very hard, and stamping my feet.  They are having a slovenly meal on the sofa, which in fact is ready meals from SparksmeanMarks as She is bldyfedup with cooking apparently.  Not only will I have the ready meal trays to lick, but I am Determined, friends, to get my gnashers round a piece of that Yule Log.  I am whinging, stamping, looking sad and trying all my usual tactics.  Someone is bound to drop a bit on the carpet soon.  I’m patient.  It’s appalling about the ready meals, isn’t it.  Do they know how high in fat and salt these things are?  Admittedly Young Lad and She are sharing one, like the fish and chips, but this has backfired because Young Lad is saying he’s still hungry, is there any more and why did She have a bit of his?  She is muttering that She’s been chained to the kitchen for days – we all know that’s not true as they weren’t even here for Christmas lunch – and if She will choose to make leek and potato soup two days running, what does She expect.  Yes, it was warming on a cold day, but quit the moaning about the work involved.  Readers, it was a bit on the lumpy side to be honest, anyway.  And the trifle wasn’t all that, as Lad had eaten the Hartleys  jelly pots.  And Boxing Day lunch is only putting cold meats on a plate and jacket potatoes in the oven, for God’s sake, so the ready meals really aren’t justified.

Anyway.  Bit of a surprise today – snow!  Had a lie in, (well after the 5.30am alarm call from Gingercat),  and when we all surfaced it was raining.  Before long, this turned into the big white stuff and by golly, it threw it down for a couple of hours.  I had no choice but to curl up in my chair and sleep. She did eventually drag me out for a walk late afternoon, once it had stopped snowing, but it was chuffing cold, I can tell you.  Too cold for all the standing around chatting to people, and certainly too cold to go all the way to the Far Field.  I managed to annoy her by camouflaging myself in the field and She couldn’t find me, several times.  It was v funny.  There was a covering of snow on the browny greeny muddy field, and being white and brown myself, I blended right in.  There was a lot of shrieking of my name and blowing on the whistle, as I couldn’t be seen from one end of the field to the other.  I laughed.  Not many friends down there today, but we did bump into the old black labrador with three legs.  Apparently he is an “inspiration to us all,” (She always says this, unoriginal) because he had a nasty disease in his leg two years ago, so the Evil Vet sawed it off and saved his life.  And two years on, the black labrador is still limping happily at the river, and being told he’s an inspiration.  Yawn.   Nobody tells me I’m an inspiration.

Funny old morning; despite the snow, She decided to “pop into town” for half an hour.  Lad sat in his onesie doing his revision, whilst He and Young Lad tried to finish the shark jigsaw (see last night’s blog.)  They still haven’t managed it, and there has been some heated suggestion that it’s a dodgy jigsaw without all the right pieces.  Apparently there are “too many straight edges”, whatever that means.  It was cheap, to be fair.  After that, they started on the Airfix Spitfire plane that was a Christmas present for Young Lad.  Young Lad sat and watched for five minutes while He started the project, then went off to do play on the xbox.  Luckily, He has great staying power and carried on for another three hours. Young Lad is now playing with the model Spitfire that he did bugger all to assemble.

I forgot to mention!  The heating packed up again yesterday. I know – the  unexciting saga of the boiler has been rumbling on for months, but it all ground to a halt on Boxing Day and there was no heating.  She said, “bldytypicalonBoxingDay” but phoned British Gas anyway, who said they’d be round today.  They were as good as their word and a nice engineer called Lee spent an hour and a half banging around in the airing cupboard (which is filthy, by the way) and the loft (also filthy). Eventually he somehow managed to restore heating via a 20 year old boiler, which is clearly not going to last till the installation of the new one in 4 weeks’ time.  So I expect he will be called out again.  She had the decency to apologise to him about the state of the kitchen floor – it was shocking – and blamed me, for walking in and out from the garden on a wet snowy day.  What am I supposed to do?  Call me old-fashioned but She could always clean it.  I’ve seen advertisements on TV where muddy dogs run in and out of kitchens, and their attractive Pack Leader just laughs and mops it all up with something magical called Flash.  Their kitchens are pristine, and do not have mud half way up the cupboards, and leek and potato soup spattered up the tiles behind the hob. 

So the heating is back on, which is a goodbldyjob as it’s freezing out. This afternoon was meant to involve Tidying Up, but after our walk She was too lazy  tired, and curled up with a cup of tea and a new book.  It was remarkably peaceful, Readers.  Lad was still revising (Physics again, can’t be arsed with English Literature apparently), He was still doing the Airfix, and they had forgotten Young Lad on the xbox in the study,  which pleased him greatly.  It was so quiet and relaxing!  I dropped off and had a lovely deep sleep.

I am feeling quite smug again today, as I’ve heard on the grapevine that my dear friend Ebony has been in a spot of bother.  She has Stolen, yes Stolen, a large jug of gravy which was Extremely Rich as it was probably made from turkey giblets and all that stuff.  Ebony enjoyed slurping down this large jug of delight, but her Pack Leader is cross and worried about what might appear from Ebony’s rear end.  As a result, She has been told off and made to sit on her special mat.  I tell you what amazes me – I get blamed for this!  Not for the first time, when my friends have misbehaved, their Pack Leaders have claimed they are copying MY behaviour!   Maybe I am inspirational, after all.

I’ll tell you another thing that amazes me – how many views my blog got on Christmas Day.  What the heck were you all doing?  Who had time to faff around reading about a beagle, when you should have been Very Very Busy?!!  Really quite astonished that Christmas Day was one of the biggest days for views for a while.  So pleased that I’m right up there with entertaining relatives and the Queen’s Speech.

Person in America, PLEASE could you get someone else in America to have a look? I hate to think you’re the sole, lonely American reading this.

Readers, I have failed to get any chocolate log.  The bastards have taken it back to the kitchen and Put It Up High.  I’ll have to make do with the Four Cheese Ravioli ready meal tray.

Bye for now,

Russell

Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

2 thoughts on “Filth”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s