Told you! How good am I at blending in?! I promise you, Readers, I am in this picture. Put your reading glasses on. You’ll have a job to find me, though. Just like She did, from the far end of the Far Field! Oh it was a laugh – I stood still and faffed around for ages while She blew the whistle and screeched like a fishwife. She had to march right back across the field bleating on about the bldydog, until I strolled into a less snowy part to be visible. Serves her right. She got right up my nose on our walk today. Twas a beautiful day – crisp, cold and clear – a day made for ambling along, sniffing. Not marching. First of all I found some more carrot sticks outside a house, and a random cherry tomato, but was moaned at and put on the lead. When we went over the bridge, there was a long delay while She and some strangers ooohed and aaahed about how high the river was. Tiresome or what. Yes, the river was high, and yes, it was flowing very swiftly (could even have played Poohsticks for the first time in years) but really? Is it worth a lengthy conversation? I’m sure one isn’t meant to talk to strangers, but the Dog Walking Community have their own rather odd rules. If someone has a dog with them they aren’t a serial killer, seems to be the logic. Eventually they ran out of things to say about the high river, and we went to the Top Field. This is where She really cheesed me off. Very Clearly, there was something dead and decaying in the middle of the Top Field. I could smell it from miles off. She knew damn well, that once my head went down, my ears flopped forward and I did that slightly hysterical running around in a circle with my nose on the ground, that I was tracking something. But oh, no, I was yanked out of the middle of the field and put on the lead again. Then marched for the rest of the walk in Top Field. I did slip my collar twice and run back to the Bad Stuff but She caught up with me. Spoils all my fun.
The day was so beautiful that we went into the Far Field as well, which is where I hid myself. Coming back, I ran off into the woods and found some bread, probably left by a fisherman (hate them.) I was just tucking into this, when a Huge Bulldog type thing appeared and tried to befriend me – instantly fearing he was after the bread, I went for him. Yes, beagle takes on bulldog and wins. I was shouted at and put on the lead yet again. Anyway, we had a walk for an hour and a half today and it was pretty good on the whole.
I suspect her bad mood is down to some Frustrating Things that have happened today. Firstly, the heating has packed up again. Gasman managed to get it going yesterday afternoon, but it’s packed up again. The house is FREEZING, Readers. She phoned up and in her best telephone voice told them to bring forward the date of the New Boiler Installation, as ours is Knackered, but they said they can’t. So apparently we will have to phone up on a daily basis for an engineer until the end of January. This pleased her greatly. On the bright side, they said they would send another engineer this afternoon. Then She asked her good friend Loadsakids if she wanted to meet for a coffee, but Loadsakids had to drive her bldyhusband to a bldytrainstation bldymilesway because there were no trains on our line today. Loadsakids says the train company and British Gas are both bldyuseless.
Then some Tidying Up was done because the house is a ruddy tip, but really this meant moving everything from the lounge to the study and shutting the door. This is not Tidying Up. Lad’s revision notes are taking over the house and there seems to be no system involved whatsoever. She tried to Instil Some Semblance of Order into his revision notes, but got no thanks. Whilst hoovering, a tiny weenie airman from the Airfix Spitfire was sucked up, and so was Young Lad’s tooth that fell out the other day and is meant to be under his pillow. She has not admitted to this yet. The hoover bag is going to be taken apart in a futile attempt to find both. Good luck with that.
Quick update to my regular readers – the Christmas cards in the hall have fallen down 4 times so far. I told you they would. He was meant to put them back up yesterday, but was far too busy putting together the Airfix Spitfire. Young Lad broke the wheel off this within minutes of picking it up. He was cross. She wants to rip the bldydecorations down and put everything away, but it’s only December 28th.
Anyway, it was extremely cold here after our walk, what with no heating. I couldn’t even use the new fleece to warm up, as it has been washed. Apparently it smells of anal glands. So we put the fire on and extra jumpers, and She said it was just like her own childhood. Lad and Young Lad weren’t interested.
Actually, thinking about it, She was a bit crabby with me first thing this morning, saying that I was taking up too much of the John Lewis whiteish duvet, and that She was cold. It’s not my fault the boiler is crap.
In fact, it was so cold that when Loadsakids texted to say she was now free for coffee, the chance to sit somewhere with heating was a no-brainer. But despite the lovely chat (moaning about teenagers and dogs, more like) even this proved frustrating as Homeless Guy was outside Sainsburys and said yes please to a coffee. So She went to the cheaper cafe to get his after seeing Loadsakids, but had spent so long laughing in a deranged manner about Family Life that Homeless Guy had given up and gone for the night. So She was left with a coffee that had a lot of sugar in it. She took it home and pretended it had been bought for He all along. By this stage Gas Man had arrived, and put a new fan into the boiler. He now says we do Not need a new boiler, as it has a brand new pump, valve and now a fan. So they can save themselves threebldygrand. There is some suspicion about this, though, and they’re not cancelling the new one just yet.
He went into work for a bit today, probably to get warm. He’s still wearing his coat now, even though the boiler is fixed. Everyone seems a little wary.
Well, Readers, tonight’s excitement is the annual writing on the New Family Organiser Calendar. Don’t make me laugh. Piss up and brewery come to mind.
Hey, FIVE views from America yesterday!!! Thank you so much! Please tell your friends. And the random one from Ireland – you too!!
Before I go, I simply must let you know that despite the giblet-rich pint of gravy she stole, my dear friend Ebony’s rear end has been ok. I know many of you will have been worrying.
See you soon,