Today I went to visit my very good friends Delilah and Charlie, and for once my behaviour wasn’t the worst of the pack. I was extremely polite when I arrived and ran straight to the kitchen, sitting up very erect by the counter where I knew the Chedigree Plum snacks were kept. Sicknote was impressed with my manners and gave me a snack. Then I spent some time in the garden with Charlie and Delilah, all three of us barking hysterically at anyone that walked past in the lane. The noise we made! Of course at this point Sicknote and She were trying to have a chat over a cup of tea, but this proved very difficult over the cacophony of three braying/barking dogs. They retreated to the lounge, so Charlie, Delilah and I followed them – I leaped onto the back of an armchair to keep guard at the window and continue the hideous barking. After a while I got down and Delilah took over – this is called Teamwork, and I was very proud of myself. Normally Delilah gets on my nerves, but today we bonded over our irritating barking.
Admitting defeat, She and Sicknote felt they had more chance of a conversation if they took us out for a lovely peaceful walk in the countryside. They didn’t. For a start Delilah has to be on a long lead otherwise she runs off after pheasants, so there was her long lead to negotiate with three sets of paws and two sets of wellington boots. Then I caught a whiff of something dead way across the field and started to run, so She had to blow the whistle and tempt me back with some ham – this meant that I ended up on the lead as well. Cue more tangling.
Then, Readers, we had to come back along a small road. Delilah spotted a local dog with something of a reputation and decided to lunge at it – so assertively that She (who was holding Delilah’s lead) was dragged into the road. I would like to point out that my lead was in her other hand so I was dragged into the road as well. This is Poor Supervision and the lives of Delilah and myself were in peril. Not content with this, Delilah then slipped her collar and She was left looking at a pink collar lying on the pavement and a large Basset heading into the road again after the local dog with the reputation. Just in the nick of time Delilah was caught and brought under some semblance of control. It really was a hairy few minutes and it was perfectly clear that Delilah was fully in control of the whole situation, unlike the Pack Leaders. It was very worrying.
I was exhausted by all this stress, and when we got back to Sicknote’s house I needed to sleep in the very small patch of sun in the lounge. Unfortunately Delilah decided to DELIBERATELY sit right in front of me to block the small patch of sunlight. This annoyed me intensely.
So you see, it is not just me who can be difficult. Plus Delilah stole a large piece of steak from the kitchen counter the other day. Really I’m an angel in comparison.
Before all this, the day had been perfectly pleasant. She had to drive Lad all the way to school this morning as the trains were delayed, so I had some time in the house alone. This meant bathroom bin time for me! I went through it and shredded everything, eating pretty much all of it. For decoration I draped some bits of cotton wool and tissue along the landing. It looked pretty. Plus it served as a timely reminder that some hoovering was needed upstairs.
You will remember, Readers, that at the end of my last blog She was looking at the weather forecast hoping for rain of the monsoon type, that would render Young Lad’s football match unplayable. This was unsporting and mean-spirited. Readers, there was just enough rain to render Young Lad’s football match unplayable so you can imagine the smugness. It meant a whole day at home which makes quite a change on a Sunday – and it meant some decent home cooking for once. A lovely Sunday roast was prepared, with stuffing, yorkshire puddings, the lot. Delicious. I had a wonderful time in the dishwasher afterwards. And then it was Sunday tea! This meant home-baked cakes and nice sandwiches – such delicacies. Really, Lad and Young Lad must have been overwhelmed by the effort that went into their food preparation for once. I can’t see it happening again for a while.
Despite the drizzle I was dragged out for a long walk over the fields – and then, quite unbelievably, had to walk round the Rec in the afternoon! Why? I asked myself. There was no answer. Just as I had settled down for the evening after tea, He announced he was going up to the pub with Young Lad for a drink and a packet of peanuts – and I was made to walk up there with them! Yes! Three walks in one day! Ludicrous.
Someone here has been to PetsRVetsRToysRUs or whatever it’s called, and bought a large bag of charcoal biscuits. Charcoal biscuit have two purposes; to absorb some of the undesirable odours one produces as a by-product of digestion, and to turn one’s poo black. Thus it is much easier to spot my comfort breaks on the lawn at the moment. The charcoal biscuits haven’t absorbed much undesirable odour yet but it’s early days.
Lad has a Philosophy test tomorrow at school so is usefully spending his time watching “Power” on Netflix in the other room. I can’t quite see the connection but I’m sure there must be one. Young Lad has brought home his kit for the school football trip to Madrid that he is going on soon – unfortunately somebody has overestimated his waist size for the shorts which would fit around five Young Lads and still fall down. Thus the sewing box will have to be bldydusted off again and some bldysewing done in the next few evenings. We cannot have Young Lad’s shorts falling down at the Bernabue stadium, Friends.
What a day. I do hope dear Delilah has recovered from her near-death experience on the country lane, and I can only apologise for my Pack Leader’s ineptitude.
See you soon,