Lad is squashed into my chair with me. It is getting on my nerves. All I want of an evening is some peace and quiet, and the chance to stretch out in my own armchair – I don’t feel this is a lot to ask, considering the life I lead. But no, Lad has come downstairs and decided to sit on top of me as there is no room on the sofa. I have tried whining and snarling, but Lad still won’t move. I will have to think of another tactic.
Well, Readers, it’s been a strange few days and you haven’t heard much from me as everyone’s been too busy. I have been at dear, dear Ebony’s house twice and dear, dear Pippa’s house once, so you can see how much time my own family have spent with me. Wednesday was unusual in that I was having a nice peaceful morning with a bone, when Dishwasher Repair Man arrived ten minutes earlier than scheduled, to fix the dishwasher. (Error code E09). Thankfully Lovelydor down the road was roped in yet again to save the day, and came up to let the repair man in, and make sure I didn’t kill him. Lovelydor let me out in the garden for a comfort break, and it was well needed I can tell you. It went on for ages.
I’m very pleased to report that the dishwasher is now working again. I have really missed standing on the door every night, shoving my way bodily in and licking the plates. It has been very dull listening to the arguments about washing up, and there is nothing in it for me. (By the way, why doesn’t anyone ever want to dry up? Why is washing up slightly more popular?) So I made straight for the dishwasher after dinner tonight, as She’d cooked a curry and the plates were really sloppy – to be honest it was a little on the spicy side for me and I much prefer a korma, but of course nobody asks me. I was also disappointed that there were no naan breads. Standards are slipping even further, Friends.
Tonight She dragged me over the Rec for another walk – this was completely unnecessary as I had already walked miles with Ebony today, but She was being selfish and wanted some fresh air. As we were wandering along, two ladies on bikes rode up and asked us if there was a conker tree nearby. Well, of course we are the local authority on the position of horse chestnut trees so there was then a lengthy and uninspiring conversation about conkers and I was hauled down to the far side of the Rec to see if there was a conker tree there that we hadn’t noticed. There wasn’t. It was an oak tree. I could have told them that, had they bothered to ask.
Lad has done some homework tonight!! I know! This is because it was Philosophy and therefore remotely interesting, as opposed to Chemistry and Biology which are very, very boring Lad says. Lad’s Philosophy homework was all about stem cell research and such like, which personally I would find as very, very boring as the Chemistry and Biology but Lad was really quite animated about it. There was even a Dinnertime Debate tonight which was essentially a re-run of the debate Lad had in his Philosophy lesson today, but without anyone being remotely interested in it. Lad wasn’t deterred by nobody joining in and carried on regardless. Well done, Lad.
Young Lad hasn’t done any homework tonight, or in fact since the weekend.
I wonder if I’m teething, Readers, although I imagine I’m a little old for this. Tonight over the Rec I felt the need to chew several sticks – one was barely more than a twig so not very satisfying – and since then I’ve been chewing an old bone in my chair. (Lad has finally removed himself.) The bone makes a lovely grating sound against my teeth which I’m sure everyone is enjoying. It also makes my chair smell nice. To be honest, this is all probably less annoying than the clematis on the trellis outside the lounge window, which keeps smacking into the window in the wind. Approximately every three seconds. Of course, the trellis needs fixing but nobody will get round to it.
The house is filthy, Readers. All these Extra Working Hours means even less time to whip a hoover round or do some dusting. The kitchen floor hasn’t seen a mop since August and there’s been a fair bit of rain and messy cooking since then. Honestly it’s disgusting. How many of you haven’t mopped the floor for three weeks? Exactly. I just hope none of you come round to visit; it’s embarrassing. Meghan Markle’s kitchen has its floor mopped daily, I can tell you. It gleams in Meghan Markle’s house.
Do you think she’s finished my book yet? Surely she has by now. Maybe Meghan loved it so much that she’s reading it twice. I’m sure I’ll hear from her soon; I was very careful to write my address clearly. I’d love to live somewhere sparkling clean and hygienic.
You will be pleased to know that Young Lad’s Food Tech starts again next week. I was less pleased to know that the first dish to be ‘cooked’ is salad. For the love of God, how hard is that going to be? Young Lad has already decided on his ingredients – tomato, cucumber, grated carrot and with a touch of flair, red pepper. Seriously. Why can’t they make something appetising like T-bone steak? Salad my foot. What a waste of a lesson.
Lad has just reappeared and squeezed up against me on the sofa – I had moved over here due to the nice red fluffy blanket, but for the second time tonight I have very little room and am squashed against Lad’s thighs. Lad doesn’t seem to have noticed as he is watching Family Guy and complaining that his satsuma is ‘off’. Life is hard for Lad at times.
Young Lad has sensibly gone to bed after a very tiring few days. I’ve taken to sleeping on his bed with him latterly, as Young Lad is a much nicer bed-mate and doesn’t push me around or tell me off for bed-hogging. In fact, I think I will go and join him soon.
Lad is right. His satsuma was off. This is dreadful – poor Lad tries to eat healthily but can’t even find a piece of fruit in its prime. Sloppy shopping and organisation. It is not just me that suffers neglect in this house.
Golly I’m tired from that extra walk over the Rec tonight, traipsing around to look for a ruddy conker tree. I’m back at dear, dear Ebony’s again tomorrow so hopefully will get a decent kip in her bed.
Bye for now,