The day I’ve been waiting for, Readers!! Oh, the excitement and anticipation of the last few days, as the countdown to Meghan’s big day started. Regular readers will know that this beautiful, sensitive woman has a Beagle, and Meghan Markle’s Beagle is not moaned at, told he smells or pulled bodily from the dishwasher each night. How I have longed to go and live with them!
Now, you may remember that I had a plan. I intended popping up to Windsor today – advice was given out to catch an early train, due to the numbers expected – and then, as Harry and Meghan drove past in their OPEN Landau carriage, I was going to leap in and sit on her lap. Meghan would be charmed beyond belief by this, and take me to live with her. How I would have smiled at the crowds and photographers! However, last night I did some thinking. Friends, you know that I have some anxiety issues around:
people with dark skin
people in wheelchairs
people with funny accents
anyone wearing hats or sunglasses
anyone with a walking stick.
I had to give this all some sensible thought. How likely was it, I asked myself, that I would bump into anyone from the above list in Windsor today? Because this might detract from my enjoyment of the day, and stress might mean I mistime my jump into the carriage. I know, I know – the chances of meeting anyone from this list was remote, as I’m sure the streets of Windsor didn’t have any of the above today, but I decided to play safe and watch it on the telly. Don’t worry! I have a plan B, which will be easier to execute.
And so, like you, dear Reader, I watched the Royal Wedding from the comfort of the lounge. What a glorious affair it was. I was alarmed that poor Meghan had decided to walk alone up the aisle, and think she missed a trick there, as she should have had her Beagle on its lead with her. That would have looked wonderful, and Prince George could have discreetly carried the poo bags. Anyway, let’s go back to the moment Meghan stepped out of the car. That dress – I knew it would be Givenchy! I said to myself only this morning, it’ll either be Givenchy or Vera Wang, and I would have put money on Givenchy. Meghan looked a vision. I thought the service itself was magical, and I felt some of the comments being snorted by the people watching it with me were uncalled for. Yes, the American Preacher was an unusual aspect of a Royal Wedding, but to be honest, St George’s Chapel could do with a bit of hell, fire and brimstone from time to time. There’s nothing wrong with passion, Readers. And no, I don’t think for a moment that Meghan was seen mouthing, “oh dear,” to Harry during the slightly-longer-than-expected sermon from the American Preacher. Look, Friends, the Queen often has that disdainful look on her face, it’s her natural resting expression, except when her filly has won the Gold Cup at Cheltenham, and it had nothing to do with how she felt about proceedings. So all the sniggering and snotty comments around me were unfair. The Duke of Edinburgh, bless him had done incredibly well to be there today, and at no stage did he express a wish to go back to hospital.
And then a Gospel Choir to boot! What a marvellous spectacle in the cloisters of St George’s Chapel, Windsor. Rare, but marvellous. I will agree, however, that there was an audible sigh of relief from the congregation when Guide Me Oh Thou Great Redeemer started, and everyone was back on familiar territory. Then the registers were signed, they left the Chapel and Harry kissed the bride. Truly magical. I bet they were bldy starving by this point, and couldn’t wait to get to the reception. I would have been hungry by then. Especially if I’d been singing, “Bread of Heaven, Bread of Heaven, Feed me till I want no more (want no more..)” I wonder what they had to eat. I’ve heard it was an elderflower and lemon cake rather than the traditional fruit – I would happily eat either. Or both. Anyway, while all this was going on, what do you think Lad and Young Lad were given for lunch? Bearing in mind it was a Special Occasion? Cheese and ham panini, carrot sticks and dip. The boat was truly pushed out here today.
Lad and Young Lad were both forced to watch the Royal Wedding as it is History, plus nobody does a state occasion like the British, and it’s important to remember this from time to time. Young Lad was a little distracted throughout, and Lad did shout Oh What’s The POINT? but it wasn’t clear whether this referred to the Royal Wedding, the quadratic equations he was revising, or life in general. We’d all had enough after an hour and a half (most of which was the American Preacher), and the telly was switched off as it was such a beautiful day. Lad carried on revising, and Young Lad went round to the neighbours to ask for all his footballs back, then played football in the garden and kicked them all over again. I helped his sense of enjoyment by lying in the goal, as that was a lovely warm ,sunny part of the lawn, and refused to move. Yet again, She put her foot firmly under my bottom and moved me on. So I lay down slightly in front of the goal. Young Lad was cross.
I wonder where Meghan Markle’s Beagle is this evening, while the party is going on. He has been seen riding in the car with the Queen in recent days, so I imagine he is with Her Majesty and Philip, having a take-away and watching the Cup Final. What a lucky, lucky dog that Beagle is. My plan B needs a little tweaking here and there, but I am determined that I will be living at Nottingham Cottage, South Ken, before long. It’s on the Circle Line, I’ve looked it up.
Oh well, it’s 1-0 to Chelsea at half time, and I’m a little bored if truth be told. I’m going to see if the fat stupid pigeons have knocked any bread off the bird table. It’s something to do.
I hope you’ve had a very happy day, wherever you have been on this Special Occasion. Before long, there will be two Beagles driving around with the Queen. I am in the wrong life, here.
Bye for now,