Readers, there is no doubting my incredible powers of recall. I’ve even impressed myself over the last few days. On Saturday evening, whilst out for my second walk, I spotted a half-eaten fairy cake by the side of the road. This was doubtless left over from the Royal Wedding celebrations – what a wonderful event that was – and was in a pretty paper wrapper. I lurched towards it with all my strength, but I was on the lead and She managed to yank me back in the nick of time. On the way back from our walk, I started to increase my pace at the bottom of the road, having committed to memory exactly which house it was outside. I was SO close to getting it, Readers, but was pulled away at the final second. Don’t worry. On Sunday we went out for a nice walk in the morning, and some people had forgotten about the fairy cake. I hadn’t. This time my determination paid off. It was nice.
Then tonight, we went over to the Rec for an evening walk as it is so beautiful out. On the pathway, I spotted half an apple. It was a bit dirty, but that doesn’t put me off so I pitched myself headlong towards it. “No Russell bldyfilthything,” was yelled at me and I was pulled away. But I remembered exactly where it was on the way back, and started running from the edge of the field. I didn’t succeed, but there’s always tomorrow. She’ll forget before I do.
There is an air of frustration here tonight, Friends. Young Lad was meant to go to cricket after school, but Young Lad discovered that he had lost his PE shorts somehow during the day and couldn’t play cricket in his school trousers. No there wasn’t anything in Lost Property, and no he couldn’t borrow a pair from anyone. What’s more, he has PE again tomorrow, and HASN’T GOT ANY SHORTS! This is a disaster. A cunning plan was thought of, and Lad’s drawer of sports clothes was raided to see if he had any black shorts that would do for Young Lad. He didn’t. Having run out of cunning plans, there was nothing to do but have a good moan and go to the sports shop tonight JUST before it shut, even though “I haven’t got bldytimeforthis,” to buy another pair. This is yet another example of Poor Planning, and most normal families have spare pairs of everything to avoid this stress. It gets better. Young Lad’s blazer was filthy, due to a “bundle” at lunchtime, so there was a little more sighing as the washing machine was put on for the third time today. Then we sat down to dinner, which was smokeroni cheese (Lad’s choice. Have you tried it? Obviously it’s macaroni cheese made with smoked cheese. Try it. It’s nice, if you manage to avoid a glue-like consistency.) Now, Young Lad was wearing his PE top and school trousers, and was extra hungry tonight, so had several portions of smokeroni cheese. Sadly, hand-eye coordination was an issue, and much of the smokeroni cheese ended up down his PE top. Which, if you’ve been paying attention, you will know he needs for school tomorrow. So Young Lad is now sitting on the sofa naked from the waist up, while his PE top is being washed. The atmosphere is one of irritation.
Lad has been at home revising all day. Like you, I feel this has been going on for years. I had a lovely long walk at the river this morning, before it became too warm, but to be honest I found it quite hard-going up round Top Field, as the silly pace was too fast for the temperature. I did see Sausage Sue in the distance, who always has a bag of treats – sausages, obviously – and is very generous in handing them out, but I was too knackered to run after her. This is unusual for me. On the way back we caught up with Rocco the Three-Legged Inspirational dog, and everyone told him how inspirational he is again. I was bored while they were talking to him, and wandered off.
Do you know what I saw yesterday, Readers? Honestly, what will people think of next. Mr T (a pug well-known around these parts) was out for his walk in the evening sunshine, and because he overheats, was made to wear what I can only describe as a life-jacket packed with ice. This innovative design may well keep dogs cool and stop them overheating, but they know they look ridiculous and Mr T was not impressed about having to wear the damn thing. I felt for him – it looked very cumbersome. If anyone tried to put one of those on me, I’d have their hand off.
Young Lad has Food Tech tomorrow, I’m pleased to say, and it’s chicken kebabs. I am looking forward to this, as he brings the fruit of his labours home with him, and we have it for tea. I’m not quite certain whether the kebabs are refrigerated after they’ve been made, as Food Tech is in Lesson 2, but one can only hope they are not just left lying on the side, in the sun all day. I’d eat them anyway. The list of ingredients Young Lad produced is worryingly short – one chicken breast, one onion and one pepper. Hopefully there will be the odd bit of oil or spice in the Food Tech room to add a little something to this. Unless Young Lad has got it badly wrong. He has some Science homework to do, on Human Reproduction. Nobody could face this at the weekend, so it was put off until tonight. Nobody can face this tonight, so it has been put off until tomorrow night. It has to be handed in on Wednesday so they will just have to bite the bullet tomorrow.
I imagine Meghan Markle is heading off on honeymoon soon, and deservedly so. What a wonderful day that was, and such a change from the normal pomp and ceremony. While she is on honeymoon, I imagine Meghan Markle’s Beagle will be staying with the Queen, and being driven around in her car. Do you know that Meghan rescued that Beagle from a dog’s home, where it was about to be euthanised? And now it rides around the estate of Windsor on the back seat of a Bentley. A rags-to-riches story if ever I heard one. You see, there is hope.
See you soon.