Give us a chip? Go on, just a chip? Look how huge and brown my eyes are. Look how my velvet ears are perched forward on my handsome head. Look how nicely I’m sitting. GIVE ME A RUDDY CHIP! Or a bit of fish, anything!
Readers, tonight they are being Extra Slovenly and having Fish and Chips on the sofa. This is because everyone has now broken up from school and She’stootired to cook dinner. Again. So they are feasting on the four million calories in fish and chips from up the road, although She shares a small portion with Young Lad as She can’t justify the amount of calories, and much Power Walking will be needed tomorrow to burn it off. I have suggested She shares her portion of a portion with me, to reduce the guilt further, but this hasn’t been acknowledged.
No blog last night – I did pre-warn you – as too much going on. Yesterday was again fairly quiet for me, as He and Young Lad were here. I did find a green compostable bag of carrot ends and broccoli stems that had been put in the back porch ready to give next door’s rabbit, so I pulled that down and waded through it. Had a nice walk with He and Young Lad (yes, he could be bothered to come for once) and bumped into the Young Labrador from next door. He is Young and Bumptious, and jumped all over me. This is uncomfortable as he is quite large. I patiently waited for him to finish jumping on me, but the final straw was when he started licking my ear. I drew the line at this and put him in his place. I needed a sleep after this.
Things livened up a bit when She got home from work, muttering that things were onatightbldyschedule as TraditionalbldyChristmasShortbread needed baking, dinner cooking and washing put on, all in the space of 1 hour before She had to go to a carol service. The good thing about Christmas Shortbread baking, reader, is that it goes EVERYWHERE. The kitchen is plastered in dough, icing sugar, flour…I have such fun licking it all off the floor, and splodges of it all down the front of the washing machine. I did laugh when I saw the state of her – trousers plastered in flour and dough all under the fingernails. Why the Christmas Apron hanging on the door hadn’t been donned, I don’t know. Slatternly attitude. But I did enjoy it – this really is an excellent recipe. It didn’t need all the huffing and moaning and looking at the clock, and general stress that went with it. An hour is plenty of time to get all those things done (and change flour-encrusted clothes and slap makeup on) and clean up the filthy kitchen, if you are organised.
So then it was just The Boys home alone again for the evening. I did have some troublesome flatulence, due to the carrots and broccoli stem – well, it wasn’t troublesome to me, but everyone else seemed bothered. The room – in -which-I don’t-sleep-wink-wink stunk like old parsnips this morning.
Today was our Last Day of Peace as She finished work for Christmas tonight. He took me for a lovely walk, though He doesn’t know my friends’ names, and claims I didn’t “see anyone I knew”. I did. Young Lad did a bit of hoovering, which required a sit-down afterwards and Lad did some revision once he finally got his backside out of bed. I will be very glad when these GCSEs or whatever they are have finished – it’s so tedious. Then, readers, She came home with several bags of presents from her Clients. Young Lad enjoys the yearly ritual of opening these, and I sniffed out all the things that might be edible. I have my eye on some Belgian chocolates. I prefer those to the inferior quality Lidl own brand. Please make a note of this for future reference. At the moment, the numerous boxes of chocolates and biscuits are perched precariously in the kitchen as She’s toobldytired to put them away, and I’m bearing this in mind.
Tomorrow I’m hoping to get up to more of my old tricks. He has to go somewhere during the day, and She has to go somewhere else (John Lewis, in case you’re wondering, as her mental health needs some soothing). With a bit of luck, they’ll forget to put the bin out, and nobody has realised yet that there is one remaining chocolate on the tree, and I can reach it. The possibilities are very exciting, tomorrow. Then there will be a Fast Power Walk for 3 miles to work off the tiny portion of a portion of fish and chips, and then we’ve been promised the sofa, a cuddle, and a Christmas film. This is bound to require snacks, so will be lovely.
By the way, someone sent me a Christmas Card! Yes, my very own! All thanks to my blog. I was very chuffed. I would have been more chuffed if they’d put a biscuit inside the envelope but it’s the thought that counts.
That one person in America still pops up occasionally. Is it Meghan Markle’s Mum, I wonder? If so, please tell her I want to go and live with her.
Bye for now,