Evening all. Well, for the first time in months there was no horrid alarm clock ringing at 6 o’clock this morning. The Whole Family have now broken up for Christmas. Gingercat still yowled at 5am to be let in, and then I needed a pee at 6.30, but really, this was a lovely lie in today. I was happy to stay there until lunchtime, but sadly She got up early as the traffic would be bldymurder as the whole world would be bldyChristmasshopping today. Just as I predicted yesterday, there was a swift visit to John Lewis and the usual coffee/gazing at a lifestyle just out of reach. Before long, though, She was home and we were out for our walk. Our power walk today was in time to Mariah Carey, shocking, and I’m REALLY glad that was going round her head not being sung out loud as those high notes would have been embarrassing. I simply could not keep up with the tempo, and lagged a long way behind.
We saw some children at the river, hanging over the bridge, doing Magnet Fishing. This involved dangling a very large magnet into the river and seeing what was attracted to it. I really couldn’t see the point, as rusty screws and nails aren’t edible (even for me) and it seemed very dull. However, She thought it was charming to see children leading a healthy outdoor lifestyle, and wondered why her own offspring couldn’t be more like this. There was a time they played Pooh Sticks on this bridge, but those days are well over. Partly as Pooh Sticks isn’t licensed by Microsoft or Sony, and partly because the river is clogged up and sticks get stuck. Such is the way of things.
So, up to the top field we went, and Readers, I had a bit of a moment. Coming down towards me – yes all right, a long way away but even so – were THREE huge collies. They were black, lively and looked ominous. Even with a ball in their mouths. I didn’t like the way one of them looked at me (well, squinted from a distance), and I froze. Reader, I just couldn’t move. She showed no sensitivity to the situation at all, and carried on marching towards them, singing “all I want for Christmas…is youuuuuu” in her head. I didn’t know what to do. I faffed around, hopping from one foot to the other for quite a while, and had to wait until She had reached the collies and was stroking them before I felt able to move. Perhaps they weren’t such a threat. There was no need to shout, “for God’s sake, Russell, MAN UP!” down the field at me, though. After that I stayed well back for the rest of the walk, which annoyed her and meant I was grumbled at. Barney the Other Beagle was down there today, and of course there was lots of oohing and aahing about what a lovely Gentle, Sweet Beagle he is. Gets right up my nose. When we got home, Lad failed to notice I was plastered in mud (sadly didn’t find any fox poo today), and let me in the lounge. There was some shouting.
Young Lad has done, er, very little today and Lad did some revision, though he had the usual physical impairment in getting outofbldybed. She and Young Lad popped round to “have a cup of tea” with Lovelyneighbourontheright, which actually means going to play with the puppy cockapoo. Again, this is hurtful. He may well be adorable and such fun, but so am I, only they don’t notice. Anyway, Lovelyneighbourontheright is very kind and has bought me a dog mince pie for Christmas. There was a discussion about whether I would like it, and She said “is the Pope Catholic” and snorted. They have invited us in for a drink on Christmas Eve, but I doubt I’m included in the “us.” One Christmas Eve, back in the day when Lad and Young Lad could still be forced to church, I ate a whole bag of frozen oven chips that had been left out of the freezer. They were nice. Cold and hard, but nice.
This afternoon was Christmas Film time, which I liked because there was a range of snacks. Young Lad made quite a mess with some crisps and I had plenty to clear up. There are a few chocolates left at the bottom of the Cadburys Heroes, as nobody likes the Creme Egg ones – She says whydotheyputthosein and nobodybldylikesthem. I like them. Anyway, apparently this time of year (3 days before Christmas) is a bit of a nightmare for Mothers and Women in General. She asked her friend Loadsakids how she was feeling, and they agreed they had both wanted to swear a lot today. Then She asked her friend ChelseaGirl, who also feels less than festive and wants to scream. I can’t see what all the fuss is about. I had a wander under the Christmas tree tonight to see if I could knock anything off, and to quality control the Swedish Nordic non-drop claims. (Still a lie.) Dinner smelled nice tonight – asparagus risotto again, (very limited repertoire in this house), and there were lots of extra vegetables to atone for the Calorific Slovenly Fish and Chips from last night.
Tomorrow will be fun as we are going to Grandma’s for lunch. This is great, because Grandma Loves Me and I am always welcome there. I have a sleep in the car for the journey, and usually make some smells from which there is no escape as it’s too cold to put the windows down. Grandma will be kind to me, and her cooking smells fabulous. I try hard to get at the plates as they go in the dishwasher but usually get barged out the way.
Well, I’m quite worn out from the trauma of the Three Collies Looking Ominous, and need a sleep now. They will all soon be settling down to watch Chicago PD, which is an improvement on River Monsters. Just.
Bye for now,