Browsing History

Here I am, Readers, looking thoroughly fed up in the bath again. This was at the weekend, after a lovely walk during which I found not one but two piles of fresh fox poo and had a good roll. The pleasure this brings me is short-lived however, as I am dragged up the stairs when we get home and made to stand in warm water in the bath. It’s incredibly annoying.

Friends, settle down with a nice drink as I will write you a bumper edition tonight. I know many of you are fed up with coronavirus and Tier 1 or Tier 2 – which makes it sound like a wedding cake or a rather jolly theatre – and many of you have been stuck indoors again for a while now. I will do my best to lift your spirits. Not that anybody ever tries to lift mine.

Well, you really couldn’t make it up. Young Lad should be at school but has to stay at home and isolate because some random person in Year 10 that MIGHT have walked through the same room as him, has tested positive for Covid. Young Lad is very happy about this state of affairs and has been at home for ten days now. Young Lad is supposed to do online lessons all day every day, but this seems to have bypassed him and it’s all been a bit of a struggle. She became rather concerned about the lack of schoolwork being done while She was out at work, and carefully/clearly/in words of one bldy syllable wrote out the instructions for Young Lad’s work yesterday. When She returned four hours later from work, Young Lad had not completed any of the tasks. Poor Young Lad does not know about the Browsing History on his laptop, and did not realise that any Fuhrer type person would be able to see which youtube videos and non-educational websites he had been on all morning. Personally I feel this is an invasion of Young Lad’s privacy, but anyway there was a lot of shouting and bad temper, with the odd incredulous “FOUR HOURS!!! How can you not have done ONE task?”” and so on. It was all a bit much to be honest, so Gingercat and I hunkered down in our armchairs and slept through it all.

Young Lad was banned yet again from the Xbox. Poor Young Lad.

Today She stayed at home and sat at the table ALL day next to Young Lad so there was no chance whatsoever for him to be looking at WWE wrestling when he should have been writing a character analysis for An Inspector Calls. I’ve been exhausted just listening to it all.

The only respite was when I was dragged out for a three mile walk across the sodden fields this afternoon. Readers it has poured all day; was I even consulted about whether I wanted a long walk in the rain? No I was not, and frankly I was more than happy in my armchair. But no, in the spirit of ‘exercise’ and ‘being healthy’ we had to power walk down to the river and over the bridge, then up into the fields beyond in non-stop rain. At some point in Pheasant Field it dawned on someone that there is a large hole in their wellington boots, and so the power walk became a little more irritable as feet were soaked and we still had over a mile to go. Plus these wellington boots were purchased from a garden centre last year at considerably more expense than the usual ones from Tesco, but have not lasted any longer. Lessons have been learned.

There weren’t quite so many people out with their dogs today, unsurprisingly, but I did bump into Teddy who is a large white labradoodle. Teddy bounded over to me and in a rare moment of recklessness, I played with him and we chased each other round the sodden field and jumped on each other’s backs, growling. Neither Teddy nor I were still white by the time our Pack Leaders caught up with us. It was terrific fun and I haven’t played like that for a while.

Then we came back and Young Lad was held down and interrogated to see how much work he had done while we were out for my walk. The answer was not much, Friends.

In an interesting parallel of life in this house at the moment, Lad is also having to isolate at university. This is because someone in his flat tested positive for Covid, and now several other students have, too. Lad hasn’t tested positive for Covid and feels he is invincible, but still has to stay in. There was an emotional phone call home on the first day of isolation, as Lad could not face the prospect of staying in his room for fourteen days, as the cable for his TV and Xbox was broken which would make life unbearable. If Lad was expecting sympathy he was greatly disappointed, as She’s curt reaction was “two words: Freshers’ Week.” Then there was some ridiculous analogy about if you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime and I think Lad probably found someone else to ring for sympathy, such as Nana aged 89. Poor Lad.

I am greatly concerned, Readers, about how Lad is managing to eat. You know how important food is to me, and it worries me sick that Lad can’t get out to buy food. I don’t want Lad to starve! Anyway, it turns out that he had done a late night shop at Aldi the day before going into isolation, and that £30 of food from Aldi can last two weeks with no problem. Lad is this very evening making himself pasta pesto and having a lovely time.

Oh, and Lad managed to fix the cable for his Xbox and TV so life didn’t look so bleak once he’d done that and it appears he can stay in his room for two weeks after all. Well done, Lad.

Well, due to Young Lad being at home I haven’t had to go to daycare at dear Ebony or Pippa’s house for a week or so. I miss them dreadfully and would infinitely prefer to be there than in my own house, where I am ignored. Ebony and Pippa’s houses are in much better states of repair than my own home, which is quite honestly going downhill again. I did think things had improved in terms of shoddiness for a while, but we’re now back to living in a hovel. The cord pull for the bathroom light broke off ages ago, and kept getting shorter and shorter until one had to stand on tiptoe to be able to pull it, and even then with a bit of a jump. I can’t tell you how ludicrous it looked whenever anyone needed the bathroom in the dark and had to leap up and down trying to snatch one centimetre of cord. Has anyone bothered to fix this properly? Of course not. She eventually found a ball of string and stood on a chair, simply tying a long piece of thin string to the tiny piece of cord. It looks like nothing on earth.

Plus, back in the summer (yes, MONTHS ago) Young Lad was playing football in the garden with his friends when one of them kicked the ball into the shed and broke two of the three windows. Nobody has attempted any sort of repair whatsoever, so not only are the families of tarantulas that live in the shed free to leave whenever they want to, but the cushions for the nice garden sofa that was purchased during lockdown are going damp and a bit mouldy. It just takes a little care and forethought, Readers, that’s all.

To be honest, all these jobs plus cleaning the filthy oven and giving the carpets a steam clean could all be done this week, while She has some time off work. Plans for this time off originally involved a lot of lunches with friends, much laughter and clinking of glasses, but now that our area has moved to Tier 2 that’s well and truly off the agenda. What a perfect time, Friends, for catching up with those household jobs instead of dragging me out in the rain or making poor Young Lad’s life a misery. This morning She had a brilliant idea and texted Lovelydor down the road to see if Lovelydor fancied meeting up for coffee and a natter this afternoon. This was incredibly cruel and heartless, Readers. We are in TIER TWO! This means no meeting up with friends for coffee and nattering! How thoughtless to suggest something nice and sociable to Lovelydor, only to snatch it back seconds later with “oh sorry, no we can’t can we.” For goodness sake, I wish She would think things through. Poor Lovelydor took it very well, and made a very wise remark that at least we’re all still here to tell the tale of being in Tier Bldy Two.

Amongst the very long list of home learning tasks that Young Lad is meant to be doing, is a new GCSE Food Practical. This time it is all about ‘Food Miles’, but I have no clue as to what that means and couldn’t care less. I am quite keen for Young Lad to need sirloin steak again for his food miles recipe and will suggest this to him.

She, in an unusual moment of kindness, has decided to reward Young Lad for being chained to the table all day and actually putting a shift in for once, by making pineapple upside down pudding for dinner. This is one of Young Lad and my favourites. It makes a godforsaken mess of the oven and drips all over the place, which pleases me as I get to clean up whatever falls on the floor. I will sit in front of the oven as the pudding is taken out, ready to catch any drips even if they’re boiling hot, and then I will stamp my feet and whine while Young Lad is eating his pudding later on. I’ll be shouted at and told to get in my chair but it’s always worth a try.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring, Readers. I hope the weather improves if there is any thought of long power walks again, and one can only hope that Young Lad is let up for air from his school books at some point. I will do my best to find some bins to empty and to drag the recycling round the garden, as it is always much more fun to clean this up when it’s wet and soggy. I hope that Lad’s pesto pasta maybe stretches to two days, and that someone takes him supplies of fresh fruit and vegetables soon otherwise he’ll get scurvy.

What strange times we live in, Friends.

Keep washing your hands and stay safe.

See you soon,

Russell

Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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