Scapegoat

Readers, it has been a very long time since I last wrote. Much has happened and things have been as chaotic as usual here. Young Lad has started back at school after six months off due to coronavirus and Lockdown , Lad has been busy seeing his friends in a town far away and I’ve had scant attention from anyone as normal.

One day this week. Lad decided to go and see his friends in a town far away, just for a change. He had been instructed to take me for a walk first (it was a very brief one round the rec), and to close all doors as I would be Home Alone until She got back from work. Lad did follow most of these instructions, but forgot about the kitchen door as he has a lot on his mind, poor Lad. As you can see from the above photograph, Gingercat trashed the kitchen. This was shocking behaviour on Gingercat’s part and I was appalled. I told Gingercat how much trouble he would be in when She got home from a long day at work, but Gingercat didn’t care.

Gingercat also dragged the rubbish into the lounge and found a nearly-but-not-quite empty carton of tomato passata, that had been used to make the previous night’s lasagne. This made red smears all over the beige carpet and it looked like there had been a massacre of some sort. Strangely there were red smears all over my mouth and forehead too, but I feel Gingercat must have put them there.

Anyway, when She got home from work all hell was let loose and it took ages to clean everything up and try to remove tomato passata stains from the carpet. Unfortunately we had run out of Dr Beckmann’s Carpet Stain remover as it tends to get used quite a lot here, so some improvising with Vanish was needed. Of course, She told Ebony and Pippa’s Pack Leaders how bad I’d Gingercat had been, and there was much amazement expressed.

On Sunday night, Young Lad was told to get all his things ready for returning to school the next day, after six months off. New uniform was hanging in the cupboard, new shoes were cleaned and ready to go, but Young Lad needed to pack his school bag. “What school bag?” Young Lad asked, and it transpired that I had chewed his school bag up several months ago and it had been thrown away, but everyone had forgotten and nobody had bought a new one. Friends, it beggars belief that this was left until 8.30pm on the Sunday night. She said he would have to make do with a JD Sports carrier bag, but Young Lad said he would get into trouble on the FIRST DAY BACK for walking around with a carrier bag. Some bad-tempered rummaging around in Lad’s bedroom found two of his old school rucksacks – one of them had a broken zip and didn’t do up, and the other one had been chewed into holes. An emergency text message was sent to a friend round the corner to see if they were slightly more organised than my family and had a spare working rucksack that Young Lad could borrow until a new one arrived. Thankfully they did.

Poor Young Lad is quite exhausted from the first week back at school after six months off. Not only has he had to walk home most days, which is a very long walk, but he also had to do three laps of the school field in PE. That evening he was unable to move and had to lay on the sofa all evening groaning. Poor Young Lad.

I’m very pleased to say that Young Lad is taking Food and Nutrition GCSE which will involve lots of cooking. This is exciting. It will also be exciting when he mentions at 10.00pm the night before a practical activity that he needs Garam Masala or some such ingredient. This is always great fun and creates a frisson of excitement round here.

Now that She is back at work, I tend to have my walks at tea-time or early evening. These have been truly lovely and we have seen an abundance of wildlife. One evening there was a large slow worm wiggling across the path and a lady stopped to take a photograph of it and put it on Facebook. Another evening there were rabbits playing in the field, so I was put swiftly on the lead before I noticed them. And the best walk of all was the evening when a muntjac deer was wandering along the path by the river under the trees, just in front of us. I didn’t notice it as I had my nose on the ground looking for food, but She spotted it and cursed wearing her flipflops which make a silly noise and were bound to frighten the deer. Anyway, Nana aged 89 phoned She’s mobile at that point so the muntjac disappeared into the bushes as the combination of noisy flipflops and a mobile phone ringing were too much. Still, it was a beautiful sight and I suddenly picked up a scent of the muntjac and started straining at the lead as I am a killing machine when it comes to deer. That stag in Harty Farty Forest all those years ago only JUST got away with his life.

Readers, Lad will soon be going to university. In fact, this is the last week Lad will be at home for a while and we are wondering whether he might actually spend a day here at some point. Lad hasn’t got anything ready for going to university. She keeps telling him he has no idea how much he needs to organise, but Lad has been very busy looking for clothes online again. He will need clothes at university, and I think Friday will be the perfect day for packing and organising everything else ready for an early start on Saturday. That’s ample time. Too much is expected of Lad .I will miss Lad a lot when he goes to university.

You may remember from my last blog that both She and Young Lad had coronavirus a few weeks back. I’m glad to report that Young Lad is absolutely fine – as indeed he was when he ‘had’ coronavirus – but She still can’t smell or taste anything. This has been going on for seven weeks now and is becoming vexing. I don’t know what the problem is to be honest – I rarely taste my food as it doesn’t touch the sides when it goes down, and I don’t complain. Plus the lack of smell means less moaning at me when I have flatulence. We haven’t lit any scented candles here for months as there’s no point! Plus it would be dangerous as She wouldn’t be able to smell the smoke if the house caught fire.

Due to the incident with the kitchen bin and the tomato passata this week, there was an emergency text message to dear Ebony’s Pack Leader one day when it was realised I would be home alone again for a few hours. Ebony’s Pack Leader was very kind and came to get me ; even though nobody had bothered to put my collar on that day, Ebony’s Pack Leader was very resourceful and did something clever with a loop in my lead to take me down to their house. Oh Readers it was marvellous! I haven’t seen my friends for so long, and we romped and played – very briefly, then I curled up in the best armchair. I love it there.

Well, it is Saturday evening after a warm, sunny day and there is a mini-heatwave forecast for the next two days. Frankly I think heatwaves are over-rated and someone has selfishly put the large paddling pool thing away, which I feel was a little premature. I will have no cold water to stand in looking sad, and will have no choice but to lie in the full sun in its glorious 30 degrees (as is forecast for Tuesday) and pant heavily. Nobody thinks about my welfare, ever.

Hope you are staying well, Readers, and don’t forget: Hands Mask Space or whatever the current silly slogan is.

See you soon,

Russell

Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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