It was somebody’s birthday in my house this week, Readers, and this year was a little unusual as we are still in some sort of Lockdown. Normally there would be a trip to Express Pizza in the evening, but this wasn’t possible as nowhere is open, so some thought had to go into how to celebrate at home. Lad and Young Lad were here all day while She was at work, so they tidied up the house for her and arranged a pile of presents,flowers and cards in the front room, ready for She on her return. Lad made her a cup of tea and there was a dull interlude while presents and cards were opened – I knew there wouldn’t be any food – but then things became more interesting as a Takeaway was discussed. This was narrowed down to Domino-so-expensive or Pappy John – Lad wanted Domino-so-expensive as he says they’re much better but She said it’s over-priced nonsense, so Pappy John it was. In truth they were bldy LOVELY pizzas, Friends, and I sat by their feet whining and grizzling for the entire time it took to eat them. I was given a crust.
Lad and Young Lad bought She a large bottle of grapefruit gin for her birthday. This is what they had been asked to get. I’m sure most mothers ask their offspring for perfume or jewellery.
The day had started rather, er, unusually. She was cross because even though it was her birthday, I woke her up at 4am as I needed a comfort break in the garden. I took my time and She stood in the garden in her pyjamas hissing at me to bldyhurryup. Then we went back to bed and back to sleep, until the ruddy alarm clock went off at 6am.
Readers, while She was in the shower getting ready for work, I left a little present on her bed. Look, my anal glands haven’t been great and some seepage is understandable – Ebony’s Pack Leader, who is a very wise woman, said maybe I didn’t know what to get She for her birthday and how right she is! The shops are shut for heaven’s sake – there’s a pandemic and we’re in Lockdown! How was I meant to find a suitable present? So I did the only thing I could think of and left a little something on the white John Lewis duvet cover.
Oh the moaning and shouting at me – you wouldn’t believe it. Yes, the bed had to be stripped before work and everything sprayed with Vanish stain remover, but so what?
Honestly. Anyway, I added to the birthday fun today by eating a large slice of extremely chocolatey birthday cake that Lovelydor down the road had bought for them – Young Lad was given a slice whilst on the Xbox this afternoon, but alas was concentrating harder on the Xbox than he was on the extremely chocolatey birthday cake and I whipped it out from under his nose. It was superb.
Today has been quite a day, in fact, Readers! As if the birthday cake wasn’t enough, I also had the Sunday roast dinner plates to pre-wash in the dishwasher and there were loads of chickeny bits and gravy. I was disappointed on the roast potato front, mind you, as She had only made enough for Lad and Young Lad to have four roast potatoes each – this is obviously not going to be sufficient and Young Lad was heard to wail pitifully, “aren’t there any more roast potatoes?” to which the answer was a firm NO. Really, the catering needs to be thought through more carefully. Four roast potatoes and one Yorkshire pudding each is not enough for growing boys. And me.
Then, straight after lunch, we went for our long walk. Firstly we dropped in at Lovelydor down the road’s, to deliver some shopping and for me to sit politely on the doorstep refusing to leave until she gave me a biscuit. It was a Rich Tea this time, and I like those. It turned out we were going to have a very long walk this afternoon, despite the black clouds in the sky, and we headed up over the river, Top Field and into the Bluebell Woods and round Pheasant Field. Because I was panting quite a bit, She said I could stop at the stream at the bottom of Pheasant Field and have a drink. Readers, this is where it gets VERY exciting! Now, only this morning She’s very good friend Loadsakids had seen a deer on her early morning walk, and She was a bit gutted as Loadsakids is always winning in the “who saw the best wildlife” competition. But no more! As I wandered into the stream, also wandering into the stream towards me was a deer!!! I wasn’t sure at first whether it was just a very large brown dog but once I realised it was a deer and remembered that I am, in fact, A Hunting Dog, I started moving a little more quickly. However, so did She and there was a loud blast on the whistle with a panic-stricken screech of ‘BISCUIT!’ The deer, obviously, started retreating at this racket and I made a quick calculation in my head about the probability of catching a large deer or getting a biscuit. I decided the latter was a safer bet so ran out of the stream to She who grabbed my collar rather firmly. The deer was nowhere to be seen by now.
But still! The excitement! Of course, we had to stand still on the path in the pouring rain so that we could text Loadsakids to let her know we had seen a deer.
Other than that, it’s been very peaceful at home lately. Lad and Young Lad are here all the time but generally they don’t try to kill each other and Lad is busy working on some ideas for a new project he’s thought of. Young Lad is busy working on his Home Learning – well, busier than he was at the beginning of Lockdown, put it that way. She is at work every day and Lad and Young Lad are still expected to do menial tasks such as empty the dishwasher and hang the washing out. Sometimes Lad tries to be responsible and tells Young Lad to do as he’s told the first time She tells him to, but the phrase “bit rich” gets bandied about and Lad gets cross. Rightly so, I feel. There is no gratitude.
Well, Readers, it is time for Sunday Tea which means egg mayo sandwiches, crudite and dips and nice snacky bits. I do like a Sunday Tea. Normally there would be cake, too, but obviously I’ve eaten the last piece.
As we head into Week Twelve, I do hope you are all keeping well and keeping those spirits up. And I sincerely hope none of you were in the queue for Ikea when it re-opened this week as I would like to think my Readers have a different sort of mindset from that.
See you soon,