So here we are, Readers, at the end of Week Two of Stay At Home. It’s been a tough week for all of us – I have found it particularly difficult to stay at home and not do much – but we have to make the best of it. In the photo you can see me making the best of it, if you look very hard indeed and play Spot The Beagle.
Yes, indeed, the new sofa for the garden that Lad assembled and swore at has been put to good use. It is remarkably comfortable, and someone thoughtfully put a blanket on it this morning as well – they said it was to stop bird poo dropping on the cushions but I like to tell myself it was for my comfort. I have spent much of the day on the garden sofa, and was quite irritated when Young Lad lay down to have a snooze this afternoon, leaving me very little room. The selfishness!
Funnily enough, we heard from our good friend Sicknote this weekend, who says Delilah the Basset Hound has done exactly the same to their new garden sofa, and sent photographic proof. I don’t understand why they find this so surprising. If you position a comfortable good quality sofa in the sunshine, why would we sit on the grass? It’s not difficult.
It’s been a beautiful day here, Readers, with warm sunshine and blue skies. Lying in the hot sun with my family around me, it was easy to forget that we are living in Strange Times. Then She said that the Queen is addressing the nation tonight, which was a swift reminder that things are not normal. I’ll be asleep in my armchair by then and I imagine Young Lad and She will be watching something on Netflix, but it’s a nice thought. I know, Friends, I feel it’s very disappointing ,too, that there is not more effort to watch the Queen addressing the nation, and actually She now has the grace to look ashamed and said they will flick over to BBC One for few minutes. Young Lad will be cross about this and Lad will be busy doing his weights upstairs.
Talking of the Royal Family, I haven’t mentioned Meghan Markle for a long time! Regular Readers will know that I was a big fan of Meghan’s when she came to the UK, as she has a Beagle called Guy and therefore very good taste in dogs. It used to be my dream that I would go and live with her, as she definitely doesn’t shout or tell her beagle off for rolling in fox poo or emptying the bins. However, Meghan is no longer here, Friends. There is a saying: Veni Vidi Vici. I think it means I Came, I Saw, I Changed My Mind.
I do hope you’re all managing to cope during this Lockdown, Friends. I’m sure none of you are raising your voices and sounding rather shrill over the joy that is Home Schooling, Last week, feeling guilty about the lack of support She has shown Young Lad with his online schooling, an attempt was made to sit down and look through what Young Lad has produced so far. Quality control, you might say. Readers, it didn’t go well. I won’t go into details but suffice to say there were Loud Voices, Threats, Tears and Tantrums. Honestly it was awful. Is every house in the country going through this, or do some of you have offspring who sit down and do their work to a High Standard without being moaned at, and who do not tick the “done” box online without actually doing any work? Have you got kids like that? I think they may be called girls.
Young Lad was in Big Trouble and has since had to try harder. Much harder.
Lad, on the other hand, has no studying to do and is bored. He needs to get a job in a supermarket but they are not recruiting just at the moment, having dragged people in off the streets a fortnight ago. So Lad has been put to use in the garden, edging the path and borders, power washing bikes and general manual labour. Lad hopes Tesco need some more staff very soon.
Young Lad was forced into physical activity this afternoon by walking down to our friend LovelyDor’s house with an apple crumble and custard. Young Lad is always being made to walk around the streets delivering baked goods to friends and neighbours – to be honest I think everyone has enough to worry about at the moment without being force- fed shortbread. We took some shortbread (whether they wanted it or not) to dear, dear Ebony’s Pack Leader earlier in the week. Ebony’s Pack Leader left some ready for the next day’s mid-morning snack, but she didn’t put it quite out of Ebony’s reach so Ebony had it. And who can blame her? Ebony’s Pack Leader was cross.
We went for our hour’s walk up in the fields above the river nice and early this morning, thinking that there wouldn’t be lots of joggers, cyclists and families around. At this point I will remind you that we have all been told to Stay At Home. Readers, it was like Piccadilly Circus. We had to keep stopping and swerving 2 metres to avoid everyone; honestly it was ridiculous. Even up in Top Field there were far more people than usual, some with scarves over their faces. I was more interested, however, in a rabbit’s head that I found – there was no body attached but definitely a whole head. The rabbit had a sort of rictus grin on its face, and boy did it have huge teeth. I found it fascinating but was shouted at and dragged away.
As it was such a warm day, and as these are Strange Times, an barbecue was attempted for lunch. It was pathetic, Readers. My family don’t have a proper barbecue but a small bucket thing, in which you can fit about six pieces of charcoal, and two small burgers on the grill. It took a very long time to light, despite Young Lad’s best attempts with lots of firelighters, and all it did was produce a lot of smoke. Never one to be defeated, She gamely “barbecued” two burgers and a piece of salmon but then finished them off in the oven, as we’ll be out of Lockdown by the time they would have cooked on the bucket. But it was nice to all sit in the garden, eating quasi-barbecued food and pretending all is well.
And so we head into Week Three of Stay At Home. She will still be going to work, and I’ve been told that if I eat things from the bathroom bin again like I did last week, there will be hell to pay. As if I care. Lad and Young Lad will be here doing whatever they are doing, and I intend spending the week in my armchair or on the garden sofa. I know, I know – how are we all going to carry on like this?
Chin up Friends – this too will pass. As did the things from the bathroom bin.#
See you soon,