How Vexing

me me me

You would think, wouldn’t you Readers, that with all the difficulty in the world at the moment it isn’t too much to ask that I’m given a little attention.  Just look at the situation last night – after dinner Lad went upstairs to do weights and boxing, Young Lad settled down on the sofa for an evening of telly, and She sat down…..with the laptop.  I made my feelings about this perfectly clear and climbed on top of  She, ignoring the screams of “get yourbldyclaws off my work laptop” and the such like.   I’m pleased to say that after much huffing and moaning, my ruse worked and the laptop was put down in favour of me.

This is how it should be, frankly.  In these uncertain times, evenings are for cuddling up and enduring the discomfort of a large Beagle lying across you, pinning you to the  sofa.  Many people would actually find this comforting and soothing, and not endlessly complain about my snoring and flatulence.  In these days of Stay At Home, we should be appreciating the little things.  I certainly am.  Today I appreciated Gingercat’s food bowl before he’d finished eating, a pizza carton from the recycling bag, the bathroom bin (again) and some cookie dough mixture that had dripped down the front of the washing machine while She was baking.

We’ve been told, haven’t we Friends, that we can all leave our houses for one session of exercise a day.  This is plenty for me to be honest and it’s a relief to spend the rest of the time sleeping in my armchair or stealing food.  I don’t remember Boris saying in one of his press conferences that one’s exercise should be brisk walking uphill across the fields – I’m fairly sure he said it is fine to dawdle along slowly and roll in fox poo.  So long as you are 2m away from anyone else rolling in fox poo.  So it did annoy me last night when I was dragged out for a veritable MARCH through the countryside – She was powering along in the most ridiculous way.  Suddenly I looked up across the field and saw my dear friend Pippa galloping towards me –  how my spirits soared!  I took off at top speed and we crashed into each other – then Pippa jumped on my back so I grabbed her round the shoulders and growled, and finally Pippa knocked me over and landed on my stomach.  It was such fun!  Pippa is the most enormous golden retriever you’ve ever seen  and it’s possible that she could actually kill me when she jumps on me like this, but we’re such good friends!!  Oh it was terrific.  Then we said our sad goodbyes from 2m apart and headed home.  Such is life these days.

Before Boris’s lockdown, I had a lovely walk into town at the weekend – this has become something of a new activity for me and I must say I love it!  As usual I wasn’t allowed into Tesco, but WAS allowed into Lloyds Bank (at least, nobody asked me to leave)  and it was nice in there, as there’s a carpet and sofas.  Then we went to the Card Factory, where people always make a fuss of me as it’s quite unusual to see a dog in the Card Factory, but what I love MOST about the Card Factory is that it’s next door to Greggs.  There is always the slightest, slightest chance that I might make a run for it into Greggs and that would be like dying and going to heaven.

But now – only days later Friends – I hear that Greggs has closed, like all the other shops.  I feel this is a mistake, and the difference a Vegan Sausage Roll would have made to the nation’s mental health has been seriously underestimated.  Oh dear.

Well, how are my family coping with the Coronavirus Lockdown, I hear you ask?  Young Lad seems quite happy and relaxed – though this is his default setting so who would know – and is enjoying not waking up until the time he would normally start school, having a leisurely breakfast, watching a bit of telly and then doing 2 hours of schoolwork (cough cough splutter splutter).  Lad is equally relaxed in the mornings, and it’s all very chilled here at home.  Then the text messages from She start to ping through – make sure the kitchen is tidy and anti-backed (new verb), empty the airing cupboard, check the dog has water, make sure the kitchen is tidy again… and so the mood is spoiled somewhat.     We all sigh and carry on sitting down/sleeping/relaxing.  Until She returns from work.

Take this afternoon.  Lad was told to Do Something Useful!  so he decided to put together the new pressure washer and spray Young Lad with it.  This looked tremendous fun and resembled a happy childhood from a bygone era, but of course Lad was shouted at and told to bldy get on with it.   So Lad had to spend his afternoon power washing the patio, which was interesting really as it turns out to be a completely different colour from anything we’ve seen for years.  Well done, Lad.  He stopped for a little rest at one point and was berated for this – “just finish the job and tidy up!” Honestly, what is the hurry?  It’s not like we’re going anywhere!  

Young Lad was interrogated about the school work he had done this morning (none) and there was a Heated Discussion.  Yesterday this went much better, as Young Lad had actually done some school work and told She all about alkalis, acids and the Periodic Table.  Heavens it was boring.   Today Young Lad has done very little and has been instructed to pull his finger out tomorrow.  Also, as he hadn’t had any exercise, Young Lad was FORCED to go for a walk over the Rec with She and me.  Young Lad didn’t want to go and kicked up a fuss, and eventually a compromise was made which involved the BP garage and a bag of sweets. I don’t feel this is good parenting, Readers.

There has been lots of baking going on – there is no actual need for any baking but a Household Motto of “do more of what makes you happy” has been adopted and baking makes some people happy.  So She bakes, but then Lad or Young Lad have to take the results round to neighbours as cheering up presents.  Give me strength.

Actually that’s not true.  Lad and Young Lad are not allowed to adopt the motto as Doing More of What Makes Them Happy would be  idle, possibly illegal and a tadge worrying.  

Well, Friends, we have another hectic evening of watching Masterchef and The Blacklist ahead of us.  There is a slightly different pace of life these days  in my house – is there in yours?  I, for one, don’t think that’s a bad thing.

Keep anti-backing and stay safe, Readers.

See you soon,


Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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