As Money Is Tight at the moment, Readers, it was decided that instead of purchasing this year’s Christmas tree at the nice garden centre, where one can wander around looking at shape and needle drop before making a decision, we would buy ours from Pidl, the low cost supermarket. Pidl does not have its trees out on display for inspection but they are slung on a trolley, already tied up in white mesh so that you have no idea what the damn thing will look like. It is a risk, Friends, but for £17.99 as opposed to double that amount at the garden centre, a risk worth taking. Or so it seemed.
As you can see from the photo, Pidl’s Christmas tree is very unique. Indeed, the girl on the checkout commented that my Pack Leader might be pleasantly surprised at how nice the tree was, once it was free of the white netting – oh what a sense of humour. The checkout girl even used the word ‘rustic’ as they discussed what sort of shape it might be.
Gingercat and I have hardly stopped laughing since the monstrosity was erected in the lounge. Poor Lad was made to stand out in the garden in his pyjamas with a saw, to cut off three inches from the bottom of the trunk, but alas this has done nothing for Pidl’s tree’s shape. Every half hour or so Young Lad yells, ” it’s leaning over again,” and She has to come running in, lie on the floor and try to tighten the screw thingies into the trunk. What fun this promises to be in the, let’s see, three weeks left until Christmas.
The words FALSE and BLDY ECONOMY have been bandied about here a lot today and there has been some swearing. The mood has not been Christmassy at all despite Michael Buble’s best efforts.
She told her good friend Loadsakids about the bldy hideous tree, and Loadsakids suggested taking it back to Pidl. This seems very labour intensive as it will involve taking off all the lights and decorations, hoisting it out of the house and somehow getting it into the car, and then three hours of hoovering up pine needles. No, Friends, my Pack Leader has decided to show photos of the appalling tree to the manager at Pidl and is hoping he might give her a bottle of gin in recompense.
Poor Lad was put to work AGAIN this afternoon and instructed to put up the lights round the front door and windows etc – I do feel too much is asked of him. Young Lad’s role in all this had been to check that all the sets of Christmas lights worked, before anyone wasted their time putting them up on trees or houses. Lad did a very good job of putting up the outside lights and She went indoors to switch them on.
They don’t work. Everyone was cross with Young Lad and don’t believe he did his task properly.
Enough of all that. As you know, I have been on restricted exercise for over a week due to my dodgy hip and I have been bored rigid, Friends. Really, it was awful. On Thursday I was allowed a short walk round the block in the evening which was heavenly, as there were interesting smells, and today we managed a good old walk down at the river. I limped once on the way home and was shouted at, something like “oh for God’s sake not again,” or some such pleasantry. In fact I was so bored yesterday that when Lad had gone to a town far away for the evening with his friends, and Young Lad had gone to stay at Detention Friend’s house, and She had popped to Tesco for a low-fat prawn linguine to de-stress from the tree debacle, I got hold of a box of Christmas decorations, tablecloths etc and dragged them all over the floor. This was the most fun I’ve had for ages. I was shouted at when She returned ten minutes later, as there was a lot of glitter and some ribbons all over the place, but really I did need that stimulation after such a boring week.
My anal glands have played up a bit this week, Readers. One evening I was happily asleep on the sofa when there was a slight leakage and everyone started moaning at me and holding their jumpers over their noses. How ridiculous. At least I know I won’t be taken to the Evil Vet to have them squeezed for a while, as we had a bill at the Evil Vet’s just last week and can’t afford another one.
Down at the river today I saw my good friend Buddy the Bouncy Labrador, and indeed he was bouncing so high up into a tree that he could grab the branches in his teeth and swing around. Buddy is part labrador and part kangaroo, and you would never know he has just had something nasty called chemotherapy. Well done, Buddy. Everyone at the river has missed me dreadfully as I haven’t been down there for over a week, and there were lots of sighs of relief when they all saw me today. It’s good to know that someone likes me.
I spent most of last week with dear Ebony or dear Pippa at daycare, but of course wasn’t allowed to go out for walks which was frustrating. She is just about to organise my daycare for the week ahead – oh the things one has to do when one chooses to work FULL BLDY TIME – and it has been decided that I can now go back to walks as normal. This is a relief. I have been told that if I start limping again, there will be trouble.
Readers, you know and I know that over the coming week with a Christmas Tree (allegedly), decorations, boxes of stuff all over the place, I am bound to have the odd moment of poor behaviour. They will try hard to shut all the doors, lift up all the bins and cover all bases but we know full well that I will find something appalling to do. I can hardly wait.
See you soon,