Whopper Web


Yesterday, Readers, someone actually found time to do something about the state of the garden. This – much like myself, Lad and Young Lad – has been sadly neglected over the last few weeks and was in a terrible state.  The lawn was like a jungle, albeit one covered in squashed rotten pears and apples from the tree, and a lot of hard work was needed.  The plan had been that She would tackle the grass and apples, whilst Lad would pluck up his courage and clear out the shed.

The reality was somewhat different.

Lad said he was “busy” (he wasn’t) and would do the shed next weekend.  Not satisfied with this idea, She huffed and puffed and said She would clear out the bldyshed.  How I laughed as I watched the protective layers being donned, finished off with a sturdy pair of industrial rubber gloves.  For goodness sake, what a fuss. Well all I can say is that the next hour and a half was most entertaining for Gingercat and I, as we sat in the garden and watched items being dragged out of the shed at great speed and thrown on the lawn at great speed in case there was a Monstrous Arachnid on them.  Camping chairs (we NEVER go camping), a tent (ditto), the car roof box, bikes, jump leads, the slip n slide plastic thing, Young Lad’s huge paddling pool thing and the pump that we never managed to work,  and an assortment of half full pots of paint and creosote.  Honestly, the  mess!  I cannot believe that your garden sheds look like this, Readers.

Anyway, eventually all the contents were thrown on the lawn and given a good hosing down to remove all the cobwebs.

Then came the tricky bit.  It was necessary now to Enter the Shed with a large brush.  Gingercat and I were thoroughly enjoying this by now, and chuckled at the “whoa!!” shouts that punctuated Saturday afternoon.   I do wish the neighbours could have seen it all. Before too long the exceptionally large white web had been knocked down and then the hose was put on full force to blast every tiny remnant of web/nest/eggs away.  More shouts of “WHOA!” as some particularly large black spiders objected to this treatment.

Deary me, the drama.  I was very glad to get back inside and have a sleep.  Her friend Gordon had to pop round in the evening to help She recover from the experience.

I had a lovely walk at the river yesterday afternoon – it was a beautiful day and really quite warm.  People were out in Tshirts and light jackets, which seemed to brighten everyone’s mood.  My mood was brightened even more when who came bounding up to me but dear, dear Pippa!  Oh it was marvellous, and we romped around for ages.  At one point I wandered over to the river bank to have a look in, and Pippa crashed into me so hard I nearly fell in, but I feel sure she didn’t do this on purpose.  We walked on for ages together, whilst our Pack Leaders talked nineteen to the dozen.  Life is good on afternoons like this.

Young Lad should have had a football match at luncthime today but due to heavy downpours during the night, many pitches were waterlogged and the games were called off.  (I think that her friend Loadsakids and She showed very poor spirit by texting each other with thumbs up signs.)  So we had the prospect of a rare Sunday at home.  It stopped raining in the morning so we collected Lovelyneighbourontheright’s Bouncy Cockapoo and went for a very long walk.  It was a little wet underfoot but generally quite nice.

She then started cooking proper Sunday roast dinner – I know!- whilst Young Lad did some homework and Lad did, er, not much.  Then at ten to one the doorbell went – I  barked and barked as I am such a good guard dog, and everyone told me to shut up.  Detention Friend was at the door in his football kit.  Detention Friend had failed to look at his phone and see the message that football was off, so had arrived punctually for his lift.  Oh dear.  Well, Detention Friend looked so dejected that we said he could come in anyway, and might as well stay for Sunday lunch.  Detention Friend stopped looking dejected at this point and was soon laughing with Young Lad.   To be fair, Detention Friend struck lucky today as it was roast potatoes, Yorkshires, stuffing, onion gravy… the lot!  How often does that happen here!  Detention Friend cleared his plate which annoyed me a little as there was very little to pre-rinse as it went in the dishwasher.  Mind you the other plates were covered in gravy, stuffing and bits of potato so I had a lovely time.

Readers, I am ashamed to report some poor behaviour here today.  Young Lad had French homework, which was to write a paragraph about something or other.  Young Lad couldn’t find his exercise book so She told him to do  it on the computer.  She did NOT, Friends, I reiterate NOT tell him to write the paragraph in English and then use Google translate to turn it into French.  There was a heated discussion about the ethics of this, and what Young Lad doesn’t know is that he will be re-doing the French homework tomorrow night.  Really, that’s a very poor show.

Lad and He went to watch Wet Sham play yesterday.  The mood was not good on their return and Lad had to  look through the cupboards for a beer or any stiff drink.  The only such drink is Gordon and this is guarded very closely so Lad had to make do with Lidl sugar-free tropical drink.  Poor Lad.

Well, we have another busy week ahead of us with our Pack Leader far too busy to look after us, so I will be going to Pippa and dear Ebony’s houses.  Lad and Young Lad will have to fend for themselves – they are becoming a dab hand with oven chips.   On Wednesday Lad has the dreaded Parents’ Evening at his school and this always seems quite a sombre occasion.  How will Young Lad and Detention Friend get to football training, for Pete’s sake!  Has anyone thought of this?

Honestly, the standard of care just drops by the day.

Golly I’m exhausted,  Bye for now,




Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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