When I need a comfort break, Readers, sometimes it is more comfortable to cock my leg against something. I have been SHOUTED at several times over the last week over my choice of objects against which to cock my leg. Last evening I cocked it against the garden reclining seat. (This had its upholstered cushion on.) The day before I cocked it against the laundry basket on the grass. Luckily there were no clothes in it at the time, so I can’t see what the problem is. I also lifted my leg against the peg basket which was on the lawn. Now this did have lots of pegs in it, and by the time I had finished they were floating in a yellow pool of liquid. If truth be told, I’ve done this quite a few times and I find it funny.
Anyway I was moaned at a lot and the peg basket was put in the dishwasher to be sterilised.
Several days ago we went to visit our dear friend Sicknote. Now Sicknote had been tidying out her shed (I think Sicknote calls it an outdoor workroom or such like but let’s call it a shed.) Sicknote had put some things out on her lawn including a large cardboard box in which some electrical item had been purchased. I needed a comfort break so I went up and lifted my leg against Sicknote’s box and piddled all down it. I’m not sure if Sicknote needed the box for anything but it smells a bit now. Of course She shouted at me and told me how rude I am.
I do enjoy it at Sicknote’s house and headed straight to the kitchen to beg for food. I didn’t take it from her hands very gently though, and am ashamed to say I nearly took Sicknote’s fingers off. I know this is a minor blemish on my character but it something I need to work on.
Then I went and climbed into Delilah the Basset Hound’s bed and went to sleep. This was pleasant as Delilah’s bed was positioned nicely in the sun in the garden. Delilah had to find somewhere else to sleep. As usual, I made a lot of noise barking and braying at anyone that walked past, so Delilah and the Brown Labrador Charlie had no choice but to join in. The racket was terrific. I think Sicknote’s neighbours enjoy it when I go to visit.
There have been fun and games going on here, Readers. Last week, She donned the special rubber gloves and dug out the Oven Pride in order to clean out the FILTHY ovens. The top oven was a bit grim but the bottom oven was horrific. It took about three rolls of kitchen towel to clear away the black grease – really it’s quite disgusting. Anyway, all in all the Oven Cleaning took around an hour and a half. This was on Friday. On Sunday, the oven packed up. You have to laugh, really you do. All that cleaning and scrubbing, and a lot of swearing; a brand new sparkly clean oven is being fitted tomorrow. Great bldytiming, She said.
I did have a chuckle.
Readers, Lad has returned safely from something called a Music Festival. This sounds great fun as it involves living in a field for three nights and jumping around to a lot of loud music. Lad can’t remember much about the Music Festival and wishes they would all stop asking him whether Tinie Tempah was any good. Lad isn’t sure. I think Lad has short term memory problems – poor Lad.
Lad and Young Lad start back at school tomorrow, after the long summer break. They are very excited about this and can barely wait. Lad says what’s the point of going in when he only has one lesson, and the rest are private study sessions . Lad has now had the point explained to him very clearly and the phrases bldyYear13 and ALevels and Getonwithit have been floated around.
Young Lad says he has a RUBBISH first day back tomorrow as it is MATHS first session and he also has PE. Poor Young Lad. Oh dear. Young Lad has just been told he has football training tomorrow night, too. This hasn’t gone down well.
Well I have some very bad news, Friends. Very bad news indeed. Someone not too far away from me is now working FULL TIME. Yes indeed this means Monday-Friday with NO DAYS OFF. And we’re not talking 9-5 here, Readers, we’re talking LONG days. I am not happy about the situation at all but of course nobody has asked me for my opinion. The good thing, of course, is that I will spend a little more time with my dear friends Ebony and Pippa and can continue to educate them in the way of stealing food, but this isn’t the point. FULL TIME is unacceptable. The house will be more disorganised than usual – we’ve already run out of cat food and we’re only on day two for the love of God! Lad has just been instructed to buy a tin of Whiskas on his way home from the gym.
All I can say is that standards will drop even further. I’ll be surprised if anyone gets a proper home-cooked meal or has clean clothes to wear – you just watch this space. Poor Lad and Young Lad, and poor Gingercat and I. We will have to fend for ourselves.
Tonight, for example, it has become apparent that I have an ear infection. I have been shaking my ears a lot for days, and scratching, and now my ear is all red and inflamed inside. “OhForGod’sSake!” was the response, Readers, rather than “oh you poor dear boy let me make an appointment with the Evil Vet forthwith.” There will be a bad-tempered attempt to squeeze some drops down my ear tonight, which won’t last long as I’ll try to bite her hand off.
Well we will have to see how it goes. I have to warn you that my blog entries will be few and far between from now on as someone will be too busy to help me write them. The selfishness.
I suppose I should apologise to Sicknote for piddling up the side of her big box, but really you shouldn’t leave things on the lawn when I go round to visit.
Golly I’m tired.
See you soon.