Oh my word, what a cracking few days I have had. Seriously, I have upped my game enormously this week and it’s been such a laugh! And it’s not just me! All around me, fellow canines have been atrociously behaved and are in trouble at home. You couldn’t make it up.
Let’s start with today. This afternoon, She took Young Lad and Detention Friend out to play footgolf with some other friends – Lad chose this same time to head off to a town far away for another party, and sadly Lad forgot to close the kitchen door. I ripped up some crisp packets that were in the back porch, and pulled the punnet of grapes off the worksurface. These I threw onto the lounge carpet. I only ate a couple, so please don’t start worrying about the toxicity of grapes – I know. I’ve tried them before. And chocolate. And raisins.
The amusing thing is that She had hoovered the lounge just before they went out, so the nicely clean carpet now has bits of grape stalk and crisp packet over it.
Prior to this, I had been naughty this morning. Young Lad was eating his breakfast when he suddenly heard a bang from the kitchen – yes, you’ve guessed it. I’d pulled the kitchen bin over again as I no longer wait for people to go out. I am more blatant about my thieving these days. She was in the shower and Lad was still asleep in bed, so Young Lad had to deal with me all on his own. I ran under the dining room table with a large popcorn packet that still had some bits left in the bottom. Not for long, mind. They were salty and sweet, just how I like my popcorn. Also in the bin was the tail end of some garlic bread, and this smelled divine. I didn’t have a chance to find it though, as She stomped downstairs shouting at me and the bin was put away.
When we went for my walk this morning we bumped into a black labrador we know quite well. This is normally a placid, calm fellow but for some reason this morning he had quite deliberately bowled over a small poodle. I don’t blame him, as I find poodles quite annoying, but anyway this labrador was In Disgrace and was on the lead for the rest of his walk. Add to this our encounter with Buddy the Bouncy Labrador yesterday – Buddy was in big trouble at home as he had snatched a loaf of bread from the kitchen working surface and run off with it.
Now, Buddy and I stood for some time together pretending to eat the long grass yesterday, but in actual fact we were swapping Top Tips. I like to think that I’ve taught Buddy everything I know, and so while our Pack Leaders moaned about our terrible behaviour, we set each other challenges for what to do next. It’s something to do and passes the time.
Regular Readers will remember that I had been through the dustbins by the garages earlier in the week, and hit the jackpot with some left-over takeaways that dyed my face bright orange. Due to my excellent long-term memory, She said that there was no way I was going off the lead in that area for the foreseeable future, as I would instantly recall where the takeaways were and run off again. This was irritating.
I made my feelings clear about this by trashing the bathroom bin, and the kitchen bin, and for my final act ripping up a large cardboard box for no apparent reason.
I’ve had a firm talking to today, and been told that my behaviour is deteriorating and that it is unacceptable. I couldn’t give a monkey’s.
Oh and how could I forget this one. While everyone was out the other afternoon, I opened the cupboard and pulled out Gingercat’s box of food sachets. I ate all remaining SIX of them, by ripping the foil sachets open with my strong teeth and devouring the contents. This meant that a) there was a massive mess all over the lounge carpet yet again b) I had quite bad wind and c) that poor Gingercat had no food for the evening. Do you know what? Someone was too lazy to pop to Tesco and buy Gingercat some replacement food, so asked a friend round the corner to lend us some! The front of some people!
Unfortunately, a decision has now been made that Gingercat will no longer be having sachets of food as I keep stealing them, so now he has tins. The thinking is that even I won’t be able to get into metal tins of cat food, but you and I both know differently, Reader.
It’s very peaceful here tonight. Lad has gone off out again to see his friends, Young Lad is at Detention Friend’s house until dinner time and all I can hear is the wind gently blowing through the open French doors. And the stupid starlings twittering around. I do like a summer’s evening with the doors open. Especially when there is stale bread on the bird table which the stupid starlings keep knocking off, so I can run in and out to grab some and make the newly-hoovered- yet- again carpet muddy.
I know the peace will be shattered soon, as it’s Saturday night which means Young Lad and She curling up on the sofa with something dramatic on Netflix. I will do my best to sleep through it but really their TV viewing choices are very odd. It’ll be 24 Hours in A&E with dinner, as you don’t have to concentrate quite so much on that, and then Netflix drama once there are no distractions. There will be a pause mid-evening, off course, to run to the kitchen for Gordon with a slice of lemon and some sugar-free lemonade for Young Lad. This is called Living The Dream.
Golly I’m tired from all the bin-raiding etc, and I would imagine Buddy the Bouncy Labrador is, too.
See you soon,