Disgraceful

rubbish 2 This morning at the river I was badly-behaved, Friends.  As soon as She let me off the lead I picked up the most glorious scent and ran off at top speed towards the houses – She was busy looking at her phone which is always an error of judgement when walking one’s dog, and by the time She turned round to look for me I was long gone.  There was some panicky shrieking of my name and a lot of blowing on the whistle, but even the shouting of “sausage” wasn’t enough to send me back.  It probably amused passers-by though.

It took She AGES to find me and I think there was some genuine anxiety that I was lost forever.  I wasn’t.  I was round by the bins outside the garages, where somebody’s big dustbin had loads of stuff spilling out of it. By the time I was found I had bright orange oily streaks all over my face and head, as I believe the people at number 23 had some sort of take-away recently and I was very happily troughing through the leftovers.  It was absolutely lovely and I was thoroughly irritated at being shouted at and put back on the lead.

Of course for the rest of the walk I was kept on the lead and allowed no freedom whatsoever. It was drizzling heavily which didn’t help the ambience and someone’s mood.

In fact it has rained heavily ALL day today.  All over the country there are thousands of bored children on their summer holidays, and I suspect a lot of over-crowded indoor swimming pools.  Young Lad and Lad decided to stay at home all day which is very unusual.  Lad was even so desperate for something to do that he looked at his A Level Philosophy books for the first time in a very long time.  Young Lad was less inclined to do any school work and chose to move from the Xbox to the telly to the Xbox, with the odd break for kicking a soft rugby ball round the lounge.  I don’t blame him.

Yesterday was far more fun.  We were visited in the afternoon by some family known as The Derby Chicks, and I always enjoy these interludes as they involve nice food and a walk together by the river.  Yesterday’s visit was even more interesting as one of the Derby Chicks climbed under the ruddy buddleia bush (as it is known in this house due to the amount of cutting back it needs) and under the ruddy buddleia what was found but a little newt!  Now, we have seen the odd hedgehog and frog in my garden, and of course the Stupid Starlings and Clueless Collared Doves, but never have I seen a newt.  It was a dear little thing and I would liked to have eaten it but they put it out of my reach fairly quickly.

We took the newt with us down to the river so that we could release it humanely into the water.  One of the Derby Chicks carried it in a tupperware box containing water – I feel the newt was extremely relieved to be released onto the mud after lots of running around holding the tupperware box led to severe nausea for the poor reptile.  In actual fact it said something quite rude as it stood on the river bank and waited for the world to stop spinning.  I didn’t know newts knew that sort of language.

I bumped into my friend Jake on our walk yesterday, the very springy springer spaniel. Jake likes to try and mount me when he sees me and I can quite understand that in all honesty.  I am a bit of a catch.  Jake’s Pack Leader became very cross with him as Jake totally ignored all instructions and kept running back to see me again.  Jake was put on the lead and told off, much like I was today. What is their problem?!

Yesterday I had two walks – She took me in the morning for a nice long one, and all was going well as it was a lovely day and She was looking forward to seeing the Derby Chicks.  Then I rolled in a big patch of fox poo and the mood changed a little.  I was dragged home with the usual “don’t get near him” barked at everyone who passed me by, and bathed.  Then I was shoved out in the garden and made to sit in my bed in the sunshine so that the house didn’t smell of wet dog.  It still did.

I’ve been enjoying the lack of early alarm clocks ringing over the last few weeks and have made the most of the lie-ins.  So too have Lad (10.30am today ) and Young Lad (9.15).  I feel they have the right idea.  There was a serious stand-off in bed the other night, as She woke in the small hours feeling chilly and I refused to let her have any more duvet.  I was pushed and shoved and told to “MOVE OVER!!” but I would not budge and in fact threw my weight heavily against She so that the duvet stayed exactly where it was.  It became quite nasty for a few minutes as neither of us was prepared to give in.  The more She pulled, the more I leaned.  In the end I won.  I knew I would.

Tonight it is very pleasant here.  Lad is still doing some A Level Philosophy (yes I know!) whilst listening to strange music, and She and Young Lad are watching yet another odd drama on Netflix.  All is peaceful.  The only fly in the ointment is that a bag of frozen chips is balanced on someone’s ankle, as it is the size of a balloon due to being bitten by something at the river last night.  And before you ask, no it wasn’t an adder.  I don’t think.  Though the fuss that’s being made about it you would think it was.  Lad has been made to study carefully the area of swelling and redness, and will be tested on this in the morning to see if it has spread.  Good grief.

I’m trying to sleep but it’s quite distracting having the smell of frozen oven chips not far from my nose.  How inconsiderate.

I do hope the rain stops tomorrow, so the nation’s children can get back outside in the fresh air and those local leisure centres can be given a good clean.

Bye for now,

Russell

 

Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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