Today I have been Bad, Friends. Very Bad. This is due to my irritation that Pack Leader, Lad and Young Lad have been away for a few days on a short break – well, nobody ever gives me a short break do they! Gingercat and I have been left at home for FOUR days, while He is at work and the rest of my family have been eating tapas.
Thank goodness for the kindness of dear Ebony and Pippa’s Pack Leaders, who have taken me to their houses of a day, and Lovelydor down the road who has popped in to check on Gingercat. Otherwise who knows what state we would be in.
So anyway, my family returned from their short break late last evening and I was very excited to see them, racing up and down the wooden hall floor and falling over. I put my arms round Pack Leader’s neck to give her a cuddle but to be honest She needed a shower. I think it was quite warm wherever they had their short break. I was far too polite to say anything, though. It was lovely to have them all back and to feel that life could return to normal.
Today I decided to let life return to normal in my own unique way. Whilst Lad was eating his breakfast and Young Lad was on the Xbox with his headphones on, I wandered out to the kitchen and knocked the bin over – the contents spread nicely across the kitchen floor so I grabbed a few things that looked interesting and ran into the lounge with them. Young Lad, remember, had his earphones on so was barely aware of the dull thud from the kitchen, and it took a while for Lad to process the sound into his brain as he was busy on his phone. Once Lad saw me sprinting past with loads of cat food wrappers and crisp packets in my mouth, he sprang into action and tidied everything up once I’d finished with it. Well done, Lad.
This event marked another change in my behaviour as normally I only raid the bins once everyone has gone out. Recently, Regular Readers will remember, I trashed the kitchen bin one morning whilst Lad was still asleep, but today’s adventure takes me to a new level of daring. This is the first time that I have brazenly emptied the bin while there are people alive and awake in the very next room! I was very proud of myself.
Of course when She returned from “popping into town” I was told off for making a mess and being naughty. I didn’t care.
Then, Friends, I surpassed myself. Young Lad went out to see Detention Friend, and Lad had some very long, difficult forms to fill in which required quite a lot of help from She. There was about an hour of huffing and puffing as they looked through a huge file of records trying to find relevant information. Organisation is key to these things – I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Once they had finished it was lunchtime, and She went to the kitchen to make a cheese and pickle baguette for Lad, as he must have been starving after all this effort.
Oh Readers. The thing is, if you take your eyes off a large slab of cheddar and leave it on the worktop, I have no choice but to snatch it and run off. And so I did. She turned round and was rather puzzled to see the empty packet. It took a few seconds for the penny to drop and this enabled me to run to the bottom of the garden with the slab of cheese. Lad heard lots of shrieking and shouting as the penny dropped with its loud clunk and ran out to the garden. I was hiding under a bush trying to eat the bldy great slab of hard dairy produce, but cheese can be very chanky you know. Lad came at me with the washing line prop pole thing and She came at me with a broken pole from the football goal and in a pincer movement they waved their poles and shouted at me. The damn cheese broke into two pieces and two-thirds of the slab fell to the grass – I held on tightly to the remaining third and ran under the apple tree.
Unfortunately I had to watch in dismay as the large chunk was picked up – it was no longer fit for human consumption as it had lots of my teeth marks in it and lots of dirt. It was thrown in the bin and I have my eye on it, don’t you worry.
Oh the scolding. She went on and on and on about how naughty I am. As if I care! I just carried on chanking through the remaining third and thoroughly enjoyed it. Cheese is a little on the salty side, so I have needed a lot of water this afternoon.
I’ve also been eating the brown squashy apples that have fallen onto the grass, and the greengages that have dropped over from house at the back. I had quite a bad stomach ache early this morning and my anal glands leaked a bit – goodness knows what extra effect the large amount of fat I ate today will have. I’ll let you know.
On my walk at the river this afternoon we bumped into Buddy the bouncy labrador, who replaced (but didn’t replace as that sounds callous) Rocco the Oh So Inspirational Three-Legged Labrador. Do you know, it’s nearly a year since Rocco passed away? Dear, dear Rocco. Well, I can tell you that Buddy is a very different kettle of fish and was badly-behaved today by pulling out of the river a HUGE plastic bottle that had obviously been in there for months and was full of green, stagnant water. Buddy dragged it around in his mouth and shook the manky water over everyone. Buddy’s Pack Leader says he has zero standards. Zero.
I was impeccably behaved, but of course the story of the slab of cheese had to be told to anyone who would listen. It was very dull.
There is a thunderstorm forecast for this evening, Friends. Thunderstorms themselves don’t bother me as I just sleep through them, but poor Lad has gone to visit his friends in a town far away and I am worried about him getting home. We all know that the trains don’t run properly if there is a minor weather problem. Poor Lad. Nobody else seems bothered, mind you. Such is the level of care here.
Well, I’m exhausted after my efforts today.
Bye for now,