Snake in the grass

adder Phew what a scorcher, Readers.  This week we have experienced an unprecedented heatwave and today was a record-breaking 38.1 degrees.  Now that’s all well and good if you live somewhere used to such heat and therefore have something called AIR CONDITIONING but of course we don’t.  The house is unbearable and having every single window and door open is not only a burglar’s dream but is also making no difference whatsoever to the temperature.

There is a horrible whirry thing plugged in that is moving the hot air round the room nicely – I believe this is called a fan – but really I don’t know why they bother.

Readers, for the third night running I just don’t know what to do with myself or how on earth I will get any sleep.   I just pant and pant and throw myself on the floor.  I was shouted at today for lying in the full sun in the garden during the record-breaking temperatures but really I don’t think this is the sort of day one should be shouting at one’s dog or calling them ‘stupid’.  

Everyone is in a bad mood because of the extreme heat.  Young Lad has just laid around all day watching films, or occasionally going into the garden only to be beaten by the heat.  Lad, who is more stoic, has gone to a town far away to see his friends, even though this was a stupid bldy decision as the railway tracks are bound to buckle and then the trains will grind to halt.  Fair play to Lad for not listening to advice and sticking to his guns, I say.

My Pack Leader in particular is not good-humoured in this weather and prone to irritability.  To be fair, She did get up and take me for a walk by 7am today, before it was too hot, and we  had a pleasant stroll down at the river.  There were lots of other dogs down there as they all had the same idea, and even though it was very early it was still pretty warm.  I had no choice but to paddle in the river to cool myself down a little – I didn’t throw myself in like the silly chocolate labradors and  German Shepherds, but I did have a jolly good wallow through the shallow part. Blow me down, just as we were all enjoying ourselves, we are told by a nice lady with a Collie that a dog was bitten by an adder by the river yesterday!!  Yes! An adder!  She was a little sceptical – which was rude I thought- and said that She had never seen snakes at the river, but the Collie lady stood firm and said there are a LOT of adders in the long grass by the river.  It turns out that the dog who was bitten by the adder was in a pretty bad way as the Evil Vet didn’t have any adder antidote – yes, the question why has to  be asked! – but luckily the Evil Vet is very skilled even without the anti-venom and put the dog on a drip quickly to save his life.  Well done, Evil Vet.

The point remains that there are snakes by the river, and this is problematic.  Obviously the river is in much demand at the moment for cooling off – not just my friends and I, but teenagers too – so I feel signs should be put up warning people of this. I am nothing if not a  good citizen.

Anyway, after our walk She went to work and left me with Lad and Young Lad for the morning.  Again.  The three of us have spent the entire week here unsupervised and unloved,  having to fend for ourselves and raid the fridge for snacks every hour.  It’s actually been very pleasant with nobody to nag us and tell us to empty the dishwasher. Young Lad surpassed himself one day by emptying it without being asked, AND putting all the dirty stuff in, AND getting the washing in!!  Young Lad had to sit down for a while afterwards.  Today Young Lad found Lad’s missing front door key – this was mislaid over a week ago, leading to much stress – and now She is cross that she forked out £10 at Timpson’s for a new one to be cut. 

Readers, you will enjoy this little tale.  Do you remember the saga of the massive paddling pool thing the other day – where they tried to empty it, and followed instructions to attach a hose to drain the water out, only didn’t realise it had to be going downhill…..well, today they have gone one better.  The massive paddling pool thing has been up for several days as Detention Friend and Young Lad have been in and out of it all week and She has plopped into it of an evening to cool down after a hot day at work. The water is looking a little murky, so tonight She decided to read the instructions for attaching the pump, to filter out all the crap. Having read the instructions, She was none the wiser but said “for god’s sake how hard can it be” and tried to stick some tube things into some holes.  Only they didn’t fit.  A good half hour was spent trying to re-shape the plastic tubes and force them into the holes at the side of the pool.

Eventually – don’t forget it was very hot and patience wears thin pretty quickly – She gave up and dragged the pump and tubes up the garden to speak to Lovelyneighbourontheright who has far more idea about these things.  Lovelyneighbourontheright was eating her tea in the garden and I did feel it was rude to bother her at such a time, but She has no shame and said “where am I meant to be sticking these plastic tubes/they don’t fit/ it doesn’t work.”  Lovelyneighbourontheright said you need to put the tubes over the pipes sticking out.  She said there aren’t any pipes sticking out, so poor Lovelyneighbourontheright put down her dinner and came to look over the fence.

Readers, the pool is inside out.

In her defence, Lovelyneighbourontheright did very well not to snort with derision but instead gently said oh dear I think you’ve put the pool up inside out as the pipes I was talking about are on the inside and should  be on the outside.

Sometimes I really, really worry about my family.

I did think, when I was in the pool earlier today, that it didn’t look right.  Yes I got in the pool!  That’s how hot it was – I had to carefully climb over the edge and stand in the murky water up to my stomach.  I won’t be doing that again until they have managed to put the pool up the right way.

Well, it has not cooled down one degree since I started my blog tonight – we are all praying for a cracking good thunderstorm to sort it all out but nothing exciting like that ever happens when you want it to.

See you soon,




Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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