I know, I know. It’s been a week since my last blog and many of you have been worried sick about me. It really isn’t good enough, is it – I have tried to make She realise that we have a duty to our Readers but She says She’s been too busy. It’s just so selfish.
So let’s catch up. First of all I have some dramatic news. Yesterday, a minute was found in the busy schedule of life at the moment, to drag Gingercat and I to the Evil Vet’s for our annual vaccination boosters. Neither of us enjoy this outing, it has to be said, and we make it as difficult as possible. Firstly, someone has to climb into the back of the garden shed, finding their way over the car roofbox, sunloungers, lawnmower, bikes and many old pots of paint. Right at the very back, close to a family of tarantulas, is Gingercat’s wicker basket.
Gingercat’s basket then has to be hosed down at arm’s length due to the said tarantulas.
Once the basket has aired out, Gingercat is tracked down to wherever he is happily sleeping in the house, and picked up. An attempt is made to shove him head first into the basket, but Gingercat arches his back and puts his feet down and refuses to budge. So one hand has to be taken off the careful hold of the cat, to push his back down a bit and try to shove him into the basket once more. Gingercat twists and turns and digs his claws into She. There is then some swearing for about half an hour until Gingercat is given one final push and the door is closed on him very quickly.
Then it is my turn.
I pretend that I haven’t noticed the fiasco with Gingercat and I co-operate very nicely, jumping into the boot of the car. However, once we arrive at the Evil Vet’s I refuse to leave the boot of the car. Young Lad was forced to come with us yesterday as it is difficult to manage a recalcitrant cat and nervous Beagle on one’s own, and so it was Young Lad’s job to try and coax me out of the car boot. He failed. I pushed myself further and further back, so that I was squashed in the corner of the car boot and I dug my claws in very strongly. There was no amount of pulling that would get me out of the car.
There was a little more bad language, Readers, and Gingercat’s basket had to be put down on the ground as it was now a two-person job to pull me out of the car boot. I was called all sorts of names and I really feel this was unnecessary.
Finally I was out and into the Evil Vet’s we went. She told the Evil Vet that I am a nightmare – how rude – and so the Evil Vet put a muzzle on me when he stuck the needle in. To be fair he was very gentle. Then the Evil Vet took the muzzle off and gave me an MOT, remarking on what a fine dog I am, and then She said, “oh he’s got a fatty lump.” This is a little rich.
The Evil Vet agreed that it was indeed a small fatty lump and not to worry (She wasn’t). Then – this is the Great News, Readers – the Evil Vet put me on the scales. I have lost one kilogram since my last visit at Christmas!! (That was for the mince pie eating episode.) One whole kilogram!!! I now weigh 18.5 kg and this is the lightest I have EVER been since living with my family. And is despite stealing Young Lad’s toast again yesterday! Oh I was very pleased with myself, and well done all those people at the river who have remarked on how slim I am at the moment. The Evil Vet complimented me on my physique.
Funnily enough, Gingercat has lost weight too! He weighs 5kg which is less than last time he was checked, so we are all a very healthy, weight-lossy family. Apart from the person that most needs to fall into that category. A unusual trip to the gym was made today, which can’t be pure coincidence following Gingercat and my weigh-in yesterday. Shame can be a great motivator.
I’ve had a lovely week with my friends dear Ebony and Pippa. Ebony was rather naughty one day and opened a cupboard in the kitchen that her Pack Leader had forgotten to tie up before they went out. This was a classic schoolboy error, and Ebony soon had that cupboard open. She ate a packet of chocolate finger biscuits,some bourbon biscuits and a peanut bar. However, Ebony did NOT eat the packet of chocolate digestives as I have told her many times how vulgar it is to over-indulge and I’m very proud of her self-restraint.
Please don’t worry that Ebony might have been ill after eating all that. Ebony’s constitution is much like my own.
At Pippa’s house this week I have mostly slept on the soft furnishings, and occasionally out in the sunshine. It really is a very pleasant way to while away the hours.
Lad and Young Lad are very happy as they have finished school for the long summer holiday. There will be no more 6am horrid alarm bells or frantic searching for PE kits for six weeks. I am so pleased for them, and it will be lovely to have them home with me even though they won’t take me for walks. Lad has gone out to a town far away this evening, to see his friends and celebrate not being at school for 6 weeks, and Young Lad has gone to the snooker club with He. In fact Young Lad has been remarkably energetic today, with a two hour swimming session with Detention Friend this afternoon. I don’t think there was a lot of swimming but I believe that bombing in the deep end is just as exhausting. As is being told off for going in the toddler pool illegally.
So I have Young Lad and Lad here with me this week, while She is still getting up at silly o’clock and going to work. I sincerely hope that this is done quietly with the minimum of fuss so that the rest of us are undisturbed.
Golly I’m exhausted.
See you soon.