Today I was a little bored mid-afternoon, having exhausted all the usual things to do. I had slept for several hours in my armchair, wandered round the garden a few times, rolled around on my back on the lawn and cleared up the crumbs under the bird table. My mind needed more stimulation – I have an active brain you know – and so I had no choice but to pull the Shreddies box out of the recycling bag and rip it into small pieces. This kept me amused for just over a minute, and then I went to have another nap.
It’s been a lovely day and I spent a lot of it in the garden while She did industrial-sized loads of laundry and hung it out to dry. I do think it would be wise to invest in some more expensive, higher-end pegs though as the ones we have keep pinging apart and causing a lot of swearing. You get what you pay for in life, Readers, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Is there such a thing as high-end clothes pegs? I might have to pop onto Amazon to have a look.
Indeed there are, Friends. There are such things as hurricane-force clothes pegs. I think these would be a better purchase than the economy set from Tesco that break after one use, flinging clothes to the lawn.
Anyway, where was I. Yes, it has been a very nice day for me, as She was doing a lot of bldy housework all day and trying to bldy get on top of things for once. Young Lad was here too – now there is a sad tale involved here, so I hope you are ready with the sympathy. Young Lad had a very upset stomach yesterday – I don’t want to go into detail but he has needed a LOT of comfort breaks, and it hasn’t been pleasant in that department. Poor Young Lad. Is it a vicious bacteria/virus/serious condition I hear you ask? No. Young Lad ate too many salted peanuts over the weekend and his digestive system failed to cope. Poor, poor Young Lad. I too have made this mistake occasionally, by eating too much of a good thing, and I know what it is to suffer for one’s desires. It is no laughing matter and does not necessitate the shouting and sniping at us.
As a result Young Lad could not go to school, so had to do his Maths test at home plus a couple of hours of other schoolwork. To add insult to injury Young Lad has not been allowed to eat anything today except dry toast and drink water. This is appalling. Young Lad has also been told he will not be buying himself large bags of salted peanuts ever again.
Well it’s another summer’s evening which means I can look out the window and see people walking past my house. I have just had to bark hysterically at a family going down the road; this comprised a man, a little girl skipping and a dachsund. I don’t know whether it was the little girl’s skipping movements or the dachsund that was the most threatening thing for me, but I felt sure my family were about to be attacked. I was shouted at of course. That’s the thanks I get.
Lad didn’t seem to enjoy his day at school today and had no choice but to watch Throne of Games when he came home, to cheer up. I fail to see how this would cheer anyone up but there you go. He seems a little jollier since Throne of Games and a grilled salmon salad.
Yesterday was marvellous, Readers, as I was taken to cricket. Young Lad was playing his first game of the summer and there was an air of great excitement. I was very happy to be there for several hours, walking around the boundary looking for pigeon poo, and then hoovering up the floor in the clubhouse when the cricketers had finished their snack. I was pleased to find that the opposition were a particularly messy lot when it comes to crisps and there was a lot of potato snack debris on the carpet for me to tidy up. It was pristine by the time we left, pristine I tell you. The cricket wasn’t very interesting, in my opinion, and I did have to roll on my back waving my paws in the air a few times when I wasn’t getting any attention, but all in all a jolly time was had.
Then in the afternoon I went for a lovely long walk with She down at the river. I had a lot of fresh air yesterday.
We went back down to the river this afternoon, and right along into Far Field. Instead of the usual route back through Far Field, we had to divert when She noticed two men Acting Suspiciously – ie, they didn’t have a dog with them and were standing talking in Far Field for a very long time. Never one to show great courage, She left the nice flattened path through the field and made me clamber through waist high thistles and nettles to avoid these people. Well, I can tell you it was very uncomfortable. The only good thing was that She’s legs were stung to pieces by the fierce nettles which serves her right for not walking assertively past the two men without a dog. Honestly.
My dear friend Pippa is STILL on holiday – I know! – and I won’t be seeing her for ages. For the rest of this working week I will be looked after by a range of neighbours, friends and probably anyone walking along the road. Such is the level of responsibility for me. Talking of which, She did some shopping around today to find cheaper pet insurance as apparently I am extortionate. This meant having to dig out the paperwork and find my date of birth, instead of a vague “he’s about 5.”
It turns out I’m now seven.
Never mind “that’s why the bldy premiums are so bldy high, you’re middle-aged”; surely most people actually KNOW how old their animals are?
Dear God. I’m ready for a sleep.
See you soon,