No Chance

dog bin It has been suggested to my Pack Leader that this might be a good  idea for our house.  Allegedly it is a dog-proof bin contraption that stops one’s dog opening the bin and pulling rubbish out all over the shop.  And eating it.  Someone seems to think that a flimsy cage would prevent me from trashing the place.

Readers I have studied this carefully and I can confidently say that there is no chance whatsoever that this bin would be beyond my reach.  If you think that those rickety fastenings on the top of the cage would hold securely under my strong teeth, you have another think coming.  With a good shake and shove, I would have the silly cage over on the ground and then it would be very simple to pull/push/kick the fastening things out of the way.  Ergo, bin raiding as usual.

Talking of which I did raid the bathroom bin and the one in Young Lad’s bedroom one evening this week, when everyone was out. It was a farcically busy Wednesday evening – Regular Readers will know that Wednesdays aren’t good at the best of times – and this week it was even worse than usual.  Young Lad needed to be at outdoor cricket for 6.30pm, but there was also a meeting at Lad’s school starting at 6.30pm and the logistics of all this nearly drove someone to the brink.  Really, it isn’t hard!  So She resorted to what She always resorts to, which is dumping a child or animal with friends or neighbours. On this occasion Young Lad was dumped with very nice people who took him to cricket so that he didn’t have to miss out, just because Lad had a meeting at school.  I was left at home alone so I went through the bins that I could find, and made quite a glorious mess.

I was quite sad to miss outdoor cricket as I really do enjoy this on a Wednesday evening, but I’ve been promised I can go next week.

To be honest I was glad when they all went out. It was so stressy and shrieky here for the few minutes people were in – Young Lad had very responsibly got himself ready for cricket and was on the Xbox, and Lad was doing revision, when She came home from work and stomped around wailing that they only had half a bldy hour to eat, get the bldy washing in, find their cricket stuff,  blahblahblah.  Some very poor quality potato waffles were served up, heavily under-cooked to be frank, with baked beans and I’m not convinced that this constitutes a meal.

It was so nice when they left.

I’d had a lovely day at dear, dear Pippa’s house prior to this.  I hadn’t seen her for over a fortnight, and we leapt at each other in joy on the driveway, when they came to pick me up.  Oh it was wonderful to frolic with my friend. We walked and played, but mostly I slept all day.  It was marvellous.

Today it was the turn of dear Ebony to look after me, and I had a sleep upstairs at her house.  This vexed Ebony a little, as she is not allowed upstairs.  But then I am the guest, you see, and I feel that special dispensation should be made for guests. I really can’t see why this would annoy her.  Anyway, I wasn’t upstairs all the time and had a lovely Friday afternoon sleep on the sofa with her Pack Leader Male.  He had a lovely Friday afternoon sleep too.  We get on very well, Ebony’s Pack Leader Male and I.  

And so, Friends, to this evening and it is, of course, Slovenly Pizza night. Lad is missing out somewhat, as he has gone out with his friends in a town far away because he hasn’t done that much lately, and so there was one less person from whom I could beg pizza crusts.  Mind you, it is very likely that when Lad returns on the last train, he will come in and cook himself some food as he does like a midnight snack or two.  One has to wonder at Lad’s capacity for food – really it is on a par with my own.  Take last night for example.  Dinner was a generous portion of home-made macaroni cheese (with a little mustard for some bite), and vegetables.  Lad had two portions of this.  A little later, Lad cooked himself a plate of chicken goujons.  Then at bedtime, Lad decided to have a pot of pasta and tomato sauce.  Some firm words were had, along the lines of this is not entirely necessary or normal, so Lad had toast instead.  Poor Lad.

Oh really, this is too annoying.  There was a stale pain au chocolat in the kitchen, which has just been ripped up and put out on the bird table. At this time of evening, the bird table is visited by the Clueless Collared Doves who are even more brainless than the Stupid Starlings, and yes indeed, there is a large one of these village idiots out there right now, knocking the pain au chocolat all over the grass.  I want to go out there, but the kitchen door is shut.  I have whined, and whinged, and run backwards and forwards to the back door non-stop for twenty minutes now, and nobody is taking any notice!  For the love of God, just let me in the garden!  I need to hoover up the lawn under the bird table.  Quick!  Come on, let me out.

Nobody has let me out.

If I don’t get out there soon to eat the pain au chocolat, it will be too late.  The weather forecast said rain tonight, and if it rains all over my pain au chocolat it will be soggy.  Oh come on, let me out!

But no, they are too busy watching World’s Worst Air Crashes or some such drivel, and I’m being ignored as usual. Sigh.

At least it is the weekend at last, and so I will be allowed a lie-in tomorrow. I will make the most of this, as I’ve heard a whisper that Young Lad’s football match is a bit of an early one on Sunday.  I do wish they would be more considerate.

Dog-proof bin my foot.

Bye for now,

Russell

Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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