I’m sorry there hasn’t been a blog for a few nights, Readers, and I’m aware that I’ve let my standards slip. The truth is that I’ve just been too busy to write and so I will do my best to sit down now, and put pen to paper for you.
I have been away visiting Nana aged 88 for a couple of days. Regular Readers will remember that Nana aged 88 is not my biggest fan, and so it is important to always make lots of effort when I got to see her. To that end, yesterday I waited until they had all gone out for lunch (obviously I wasn’t on my own at Nana aged 88’s, as She, Lad and Young Lad were with me) and once they were safely in a pub somewhere eating a nice meal I decided to make a lot of effort indeed.
Oh yes, they had left me with a large roasted knuckle bone in a poor attempt at keeping me occupied, and I did spend the first few minutes gnawing that, but once I had heard the car pull away I dashed upstairs. Unfortunately the bedroom doors had all been shut, which was unusually intelligent of them so there was nothing I could get up to there. Back down to the kitchen I went and pulled open the door under the sink. Bingo! Nobody had remembered to take out the plastic carrier bag that serves as a bin and hangs inside that cupboard door – what a result! As you can see from the photo, I ripped it apart and soon the kitchen floor was covered in tea bags, egg shells, manky old bits of kitchen towel, cat food sachets and other stuff. But what made even more mess than all of this, was the large quantity of pine needles that Young Lad had carefully swept up from the path and then put in the ‘bin’. My word, what a complete shambles a floor looks when covered in dirty, wet pine needles.
I knew full well that it would take MANY attempts to sweep all this up and that the pine needles will appear from strange places for days to come.
I ate whatever I fancied from the bin – some eggs shells and such like – and then wandered off to the lounge as there was no more mess to make in the kitchen. My mouth didn’t taste that great after the egg shells and I suspect my breath wasn’t fresh, so I found a tube of Nana aged 88’s spearmint Polo mints and ate those. It seemed rude to greet everyone when they came home from a pub lunch, with rank breath.
Well all I can say is that they had a VERY long pub lunch with old friends; really quite unnecessarily long. I had chewed the large knuckle bone right down by the time they returned. Lad was first through the door and found the mess in the kitchen – he told Young Lad, who turned round and told Nana aged 88. It was like Chinese Whispers. I was shouted at and told off, and made to sit in the garden. I didn’t care. She had to get down on her hands and knees and spend AGES trying to clean up the mess which made her very cross.
Now the thing is, apart from this spurt of energy, I’ve been feeling very off-colour for a few days. It started with exceptionally bad flatulence – the smell! – but then I made it clear to everyone that I was in discomfort by walking in a peculiar way. My back legs moved as though there was a large prickly object stuck in my rear end, which there wasn’t. I scooted my bottom along the grass time after time, to try and relieve the discomfort but that didn’t work either. Really I don’t know what I’ve eaten that didn’t agree with me, but my digestive system has been protesting.
Then, having eaten a lot of the knuckle bone, my comfort breaks took something of a more difficult turn as the calcium in the bone has a rather, er, solidifying effect. She said this was a good thing and would help push out whatever needed pushing out, but Readers it hasn’t helped. All I’ve done for the last twenty four hours is need lots of rock hard comfort breaks and it’s been quite painful. I’m not myself at all and can only hope my system has pretty much cleared itself out by tomorrow.
Mind you I did manage to steal the cat food at Nana aged 88’s. Twice. Or was it three times? Plus Nana aged 88’s cat was sick in the night last night, and I dashed in to help clear up as Nana aged 88 can’t bend down far. So maybe I am feeling myself, after all.
Well, He and Young Lad have just gone up to the pub for a Good Friday evening drink and they were going to make me go too, but I’m pretending to be fast asleep and feeling unwell so that they leave me alone. Lad is doing some school work (I know!) before going on the Xbox for the evening and She is watching 24 Hours in Police Custody as we do like a fly- on -the -wall documentary.
It’s been VERY hot today, Friends. Much hotter than usual for this time of year. Young Lad was pinned to the ground and covered in suncream earlier today, as he is very fair-skinned and burns to a crisp at the slightest hint of sunshine. There are people wandering up the road tonight looking really rather red and over-cooked, and one can only assume that nobody pinned them to the ground and plastered suncream on them. It was DREADFULLY hot travelling back home in the car this afternoon, and we had to have the air conditioning on full blast for me the whole way as I was feeling a trifle overcome by the heat. She moaned a lot as this uses up more bldypetrol but there you go. The forecast for the whole of Easter weekend is HOT so I am intending to stay inside in the cool as much as possible. If anyone is going to drag me out for walks, they need to get up early to do it – then again, let’s just not bother.
Well I’m exhausted from all the visiting and journeys. An early night for me, I feel, Readers.
Hope you’ve had a good Good Friday.
Bye for now,