Readers, it’s been a bit of a day. It started off well in all honesty, but it went downhill after lunch and I am in Big Trouble. Naturally none of it is my fault but that doesn’t seem to count for anything.
In the words of the great Julie Andrews, let’s start at the very beginning. A very good place to start. This morning was pleasant – Lad wasn’t here as he had stayed at a friend’s house to watch Throne of Games as you know, so once He had gone to work there was just Young Lad and She here. Things were peaceful if industrious, with three loads of washing done by 10am. I didn’t mind this as I slept through it all. Some finger-pointing was done in my direction as the third load of washing went in, Friends, as my anal glands had played up a little last night and the cushion covers all needed a hot wash, but I ignored all this.
Then Young Lad was left on the Xbox with instructions to hoover upstairs at 11am, while Lovelydor down the road and She caught up over a quick coffee. Readers, Young Lad hoovered upstairs magnificently and got most of my white fur off the blue carpets. Well done, Young Lad. After a quick cheese sandwich, which I did my best to steal, Young Lad showered and dressed and was ready for the next stage of the day.
I’d been out for a good long walk, in between all this, although I wasn’t keen on the silly marching speed. It was a beautiful spring day – the May blossom was fully out and I wanted to take my time sniffing it plus anything else I could find. Really it was most vexing to keep being screeched at to hurryupsomeofushavealottodo. It does annoy me. Anyway, we strode along by the river at a brisk pace, and once home I was left on my own. For hours.
This is because Lad, Young Lad and She were going to the Important Place in London yet again, and someone thought that I would be happy to be stuck here on my own for four hours. FOUR HOURS! Well I wasn’t. It really doesn’t cut it, Readers, leaving me a Kong stuffed with cream cheese, a chewy dental stick thing, and my silly puzzle with a few bits of ham in it. This is no replacement for COMPANY and LOVE. Oh yes, there was a guilt-stricken text message from someone on the train to dear Ebony’s Pack Leader, asking if they could let me out for a comfort break, but it’s a bit late in the day to be considering my needs when you’re halfway to London!
Well Readers, the Kong lasted fifty five seconds. The silly puzzle thing took thirty seconds to pull apart and find the ham. The chewy dental stick took one minute. This left me with an awful lot of time to find other things to do.
Look, I knew full well that up in London they would be eating and drinking snacks and nice things, as Lad and Young Lad require nourishment every fifteen minutes or so. It seemed only right that I should pull open the door to the food cupboard in the kitchen and drag out the box containing all the spices and herbs. Nothing any more interesting than that was within my reach, so the spice box had to suffice. I dropped it all on the floor and one of the lids came off, resulting in orange curry powder all over the floor. There was a beautiful big cloud of it – it really was quite pretty. Being medium strength curry powder, there was quite a strong smell which I imagine will linger for days. There were several large clumps of curry powder where it had stuck together in balls – I would hazard a guess here that it is very out of date.
Anyway. I was quite pleased with the mess I’d made – but then Ebony’s Pack Leader came in to let me out for my comfort break, and saw the mess. Ebony’s Pack Leader was very understanding and kind, and hoovered it all up; however this was after photographing all the evidence and Whatsapping it to She. Life was so much easier before social media, Friends.
The hoover is going to smell of madras for months. It’s a nice smell, really.
Thank the lord for kind, good people – Ebony’s Pack Leader decided I needed a little time out at Ebony’s house and took me back there. I soon climbed into a chair and fell fast asleep.
Look carefully, Readers. Is this the face of a bad dog?
After letting me sleep for a goodly long while. Ebony’s Pack Leader took me back home and gave me my dinner. Soon after this, He came in from work and gave me my dinner again. This was excellent.
By the way, you know the problem I had in Top Field yesterday with the lack of rabbit droppings? Well, it turns out that dear, dear Pippa had been up there for an early walk as well, and between Pippa and Ebony, all droppings had been hoovered up by the time I got there. I didn’t stand a chance, Friends. Really this is unacceptable and I feel more consideration should be given to the timing of my walks – surely the early supply of rabbit droppings is more important than tidying the kitchen up first thing in the morning? If I find Pippa and Ebony have beaten me to it tomorrow as well, I will be very cross.
Of course when they all returned from the Important Place in London I was moaned at and chastised about the curry powder. I couldn’t care less.
Let’s see what tomorrow brings, Friends.
Bye for now,