Readers, this is not me. Well done for noticing. This is, in fact, the new Blue Peter dog! Yes!!! They have chosen a Beagle to be the new canine on the esteemed, world-famous children’s TV show. In the past they have used inferior breeds such as Collies and Labradors, but at last someone has seen sense and picked a more intelligent type of dog. Oh this is wonderful, Friends, wonderful and will put the Beagle on the map at last. If only the late, great John Noakes were still alive and presenting to witness this fantastic moment.
And what was my family’s reaction to this news? “Are they insane?”followed by “they’ll regret it.” I resent the implication that the Blue Peter Beagle will eat the set or chew through the camera and lighting leads, and it is totally untrue that for the press conference (and indeed this photo) someone was standing off -camera holding some food. Of course he isn’t staring at a large piece of chicken. Don’t be ridiculous.
Anyway I am thrilled for Henry, for such is his name, and I know he has a very bright future ahead of him. Do you think I should contact them, to let them know I’ve written a book? I don’t want Henry to feel he is the only high-profile Beagle in the village.
At long last the Easter holidays are upon us, which means Lad and Young Lad have two weeks off school. I am beyond delighted that the ruddy alarm clocks won’t be going off at 6am each morning as you know how much it annoys me. I will still insist on my comfort break at 5.30am which will annoy some other people, but I’ll be able to go back to sleep properly afterwards. It also means that we won’t be relying on everyone else to look after me during the day, and dear Pippa and Ebony can have a break from me. I shall miss them but they deserve their beds to themselves for a fortnight.
Lad celebrated breaking up from school by staying out with his friends in a town far away, and not really sleeping . Subsequently Lad is extremely tired and I feel it is very unfair that he was asked to do the hoovering this afternoon. Mother’s Day was last week for heaven’s sake. Lad is barely able to stay awake on the Xbox tonight and will need a lot of snacks to keep him going. Poor Lad.
Young Lad celebrated breaking up from school by going over the Rec with Detention Friend to play football. This didn’t end well as there was some disagreement with some other youths playing football and they had to come home. Today Young Lad and Detention Friend went into town for lunch at Burger King, but couldn’t really think of anything else to do. Very sensibly, I felt, Young Lad phoned She for advice and said “we don’t know what to do,” to which the answer was unnecessarily curt and dismissive. Admittedly She and I were in Top Field at the time Young Lad rang, but even so. Later on Young Lad went round to Detention Friend’s house, which is at the top of our road, and when it was time to come home he phoned She and asked her to pick him up. Again, there was no need for that tone of voice and actually it is quite a long walk down the road for poor Young Lad.
I feel She is over-tired and tetchy, and in need of some sleep.
We had a lovely walk this morning, right over the river and up into Top Field. I waited till I was quite a long way behind, and then I found a big pile of fox poo to roll in. I was plastered, and smelled like very very old fish for the rest of the walk. Needless to say I was called some bad names and had to have a bath when we returned. As we walked up the road, Lad phoned She to ask if She could pick him up from the station (can you see a theme here?) and She snapped “no because I’ve got to bath the bldydog and disinfect the bldybathroom.”
When I was at dear, dear Ebony’s house the other day I fell asleep on the sofa, next to her Pack Leader Male. Alas her Pack Leader Male was trying to watch telly but my snoring was so loud that he struggled to hear anything from the TV. This is a problem we sometimes have at home, but at dear Ebony’s house there was a gentle chuckle of “Oh Russell!” whereas at home it is more like “FOR GOD’S SAKE WE CAN’T HEAR LINE OF DUTY!!” It is much, much nicer at Ebony’s house. And Pippa’s.
This morning it was quite peaceful at home, as Lad was still in the town far away, and She went out to meet Pretty AD for breakfast. So Young Lad, He and I stayed home and enjoyed the quiet. I was a little put out to hear that going out for breakfast involves scrambled eggs and smoked salmon on sourdough toast, as this does not compare well to my breakfast of dry dog food. How I would LOVE a plate of smoked salmon and scrambled egg, but I can’t see anyone ever taking me out for breakfast. It is disappointing, to say the least.
Well, Readers, I am fair worn out from rolling in cack and having to be bathed, plus with the light evenings these days I have to do a lot of barking at anyone walking up or down the road after 6pm. I sit on the sofa and look out of the window to protect my home from families out for evening strolls or people wandering past with small dogs. You just never know what they might do. Everyone shouts at me, of course.
You will be very glad to hear that no more electrical gadgets have been hidden in the tumble dryer, after the incident with the Xbox controllers. I would like to think that a lesson has been learned about this. Perhaps with some sleep and a little less Heavy Workload for a few days there will be a more happy-go-lucky atmosphere around the place and less need for iron-fisted confiscating of Headsets and Controllers.
See you soon,