Here is a lovely picture of me the other night, writing my blog. There are many of you out there who are sceptical about the true provenance of my writing, but here in front of you is the proof.
Well Readers, I nearly laughed myself silly last night. Lad has had a slightly nasty cold and was off school on Monday, staying in bed and doing lots of revision. Not to be outdone, Young Lad suddenly developed an ever more slight cold yesterday, and needed to stay off school – he was home alone all day and it is a rule in this house, that if you are off school ‘sick’, you have no access to any gadgets. Thus mobile phones are removed and the Xbox controllers are usually put in the car and taken to work. However, Friends, She had a cunning plan yesterday and hid the Xbox controllers and headsets in the tumble dryer. Imagine my amusement last night when She shoved a load of wet laundry in the tumble dryer, switched it on and wondered what the clanking noises were. Oh how I laughed! It really was a classic. Lad looked at She in disbelief as She removed the Xbox controllers and headsets from the tumble dryer.
Sometimes I worry about my family.
Today I’ve been to dear, dear Pippa’s house for daycare and her Pack Leader very kindly brought me home at the end of the day, to avoid the fiasco of last week when my family failed to collect me and just left me there. Yesterday it was the turn of dear Ebony and I had a lovely time, apart from when I got into her bed for a nice sleep but she insisted on getting in as well. This was rather selfish.
You’ll be glad to know that after just one day under a blanket on the sofa, watching a lot of Netflix, Young Lad was well enough for school today and so everything was back to normal. In fact it was so back to normal that Young Lad phoned She at work while She was very busy, to ask if Detention Friend’s trainers were in the car as Detention Friend couldn’t find them. It is wonderful that Young Lad bounced back to rude health so well.
I feel it was unfair to make him go to football training tonight, though, so soon after having a very slight cold. It rained and was chilly too, poor Young Lad.
If you came round here and looked under our dining room table, Readers, you would be shocked. There are crisp packets, chewed up yogurt pots, a cat food wrapper and various other bits. Do you have this sort of detritus on your carpets? Of course you don’t. It is disgusting to be honest, and I can’t believe they don’t clear up after me a little better. They know full well that I drag all these things out of bins and school bags and take them under the table, and they jolly well ought to check under there daily. In addition, there is a vase of dead daffodils on top of the table – really, the squalor. Oh of course the recent heavy workload will be blamed, but how do other people manage?!
It has to be said that the carpets are well overdue for a professional clean, but if you are one of the two hundred people who have bought my book, you will remember from last year the embarrassment when Carpet Cleaning Man made her pull out the sofa and find all the crap underneath it. The shame of this is still raw, and so there is a need to find an alternative Carpet Cleaning Man who doesn’t know our terrible history, but due to the recent heavy workload there hasn’t been time to bldywellresearch carpet cleaning companies.
I know! Over two hundred books sold! It really is quite incredible and I am very touched. It means a healthy bank transfer has been made each month to the Important Place in London, which is fantastic. Feel free to keep recommending my book – I have to say, that out of over two hundred buyers, less than twenty have left reviews on Amazon. I appreciate you have busy lives, but really.
There was a very brief contemplation of a weekend at ParkyCentres for Lad and Young Lad, to relax and have fun and celebrate my writing success, but then She saw the prices and logged off very quickly.
Young Lad had two friends here tonight before football training – normally it is just him and Detention Friend but tonight there was an extra. This meant an extra person for me to whine at and beg snacks from. It was fun. They had lots of chocolate cakes between them and a large plate of toast. I spend ages staring at the plate with my eyes going all brown and huge, and dribble plopping down to the floor. I was rewarded with some crusts, so it was worth the effort.
It is quite peaceful here tonight. Young Lad has had a huge meal and gone to bed, Lad is watching something in the other room, He is on the other laptop and I’ve had to listen to the TV which, just for a change, has consisted of 24 Hours in Police Custody followed by 24 Hours in A & E.
I’m feeling creative and feel I could write a programme called 24 Hours in our Tumble Dryer. It would be unusual.
Before I go I must send very very best birthday wishes to my dear Friend Delilah the Bassett. She gets on my nerves a little but it would be churlish of me not to wish her a happy birthday. I hope she manages to steal something nice to eat.
Time for a nap, I feel.
See you soon,