Today, Readers, everyone had left home by 7.32am and by 7.43 am I had trashed the kitchen. This was not my fault as She had forgotten to put the kitchen bin outside the back door in her rush to get to work. I cannot be expected to sit nicely in my chair, if there is an over-flowing smelly bin in the kitchen. Really it’s disgusting that nobody had emptied it. So I felt it was my duty to do this, and knocked it over, dragging the contents out all over the floor. There was a massive pile of over-cooked tagliatelle left over from last night’s Jamie Oliver Pasta Bianco – it was a bit flaccid but I ate it. There was also a good splodge of cold porridge from Lad’s breakfast this morning. Porridge doesn’t really go with slimy tagliatelle, but I ate that too,
It really did make a glorious mess. I would have dragged it around the lounge and hall, but I was stopped in my tracks by the arrival of Ebony’s Pack Leader. I ran back to my chair and sat in it nicely, so that it looked like someone else had trashed the kitchen instead of me.
Ebony’s Pack Leader knew it was me.
Ebony’s Pack Leader then cleaned up the filthy mess and put the bin outside, which is where my own family should have put it in the first place. Honestly, it’s not difficult! A little less running round in the morning shouting, “shower!” “deodrant!” and a little more focus on the task in hand would be a good idea. Poor Ebony’s Pack Leader should not have to clear up our mess.
Anyway, then I went off to dear, dear Ebony’s for the day and I had a marvellous time. In all honesty I was pretty exhausted as emptying the bin was quite a labour-intensive start to the day, and I did sleep heavily at Ebony’s house as you can see from the picture. Ebony ran fast on our walks, as usual, and I struggled to keep up; I will need the whole weekend to recover.
Yesterday I had spent the day with dear Pippa, and it was very late by the time I was collected due to THREE lots of bldyroadworks in our town. The traffic was bldygridlocked and I had to stay at Pippa’s house for an hour and a half past my dinner time! This is outrageous. I was close to fainting from hunger by the time I finally arrived home – this is not good enough, Readers. I could barely drag myself over the doorstep, through malnutrition. Thank goodness Lad jumped into action and fed me straight away.
It was funny old evening, Friends, last night. She arrived home late, to find Young Lad and Detention Friend here, asking if Young Lad could go and stay at Detention Friend’s house for the night. The Fun Police said no, Readers, because it was a school night. Then Detention Friend had a very good idea – one that I’ve used myself at times. Detention Friend made his big brown eyes go bigger and browner than ever, and looked sad. Then Detention Friend said his Mum would be upset as she had gone to a lot of trouble for Young Lad to stay over – thus adding a good sprinkle of guilt into the recipe. More sad looks were needed and a little more of the big brown eye treatment, and eventually She snapped “oh go on then,” and Young Lad packed a bag with overnight things which included a pot of houmous and some breadsticks rather unconventionally. Young Lad and Detention Friend then disappeared up the road, and I had Young Lad’s bed to myself all night. This meant I could sleep on the pillows for once, which was rather lovely.
Well, blow me down – Young Lad had so much fun at Detention Friend’s house that he’s gone back for a second night! There was a short lull in proceedings while Detention Friend was at, er, detention but they soon met up. So I have Young Lad’s bed to myself again. Excellent. And this is a result for Young Lad, although he doesn’t know this, as I have fairly awful wind tonight. It is the over-cooked tagliatelle working its way through.
What a quiet evening – Lad is also out, at the town far away with his friends, going to the gym as they are very health-conscious, followed by KFC. She says this makes no sense whatsoever and they are filling their bodies with poison. This is a typical middle-class overreaction to a bit of fat and sodium. So tonight is very peaceful with some decent telly to catch up with, and a nice Gordon with ice and a slice to help things along.
Well, Readers, after my busy week of daycare and emptying bins I am rather hoping for a rest over the weekend. I’m sure this is what weekends are for, but She says sincebldywhen? So I expect I will be dragged out for long walks that I don’t really want but will pretend that I’m enjoying them.
After that the weekend will be spent on ruddy football, homework and other work not to mention cleaning and three hundred loads of washing. Gingercat and I will sleep through all this and the accompanying moaning. We’re quite used to it..
Readers, I find it hard to imagine that your own kitchen bins ever look like that. Really, the standards here are awful – Gingercat’s food ran out the other night and She kept forgetting to pick any up on the way home from work. I mean who forgets to buy basics like food? Gingercat has had to make do with some good quality ham and half a tin of tuna. This is not a balanced diet for him. Poor Gingercat.
Well, I’m turning in for an early night Friends as I don’t often get Young Lad’s bed to myself, and intend making the most of it.
See you soon,