Carnage

rock saltToday has been exquisite, Readers.  I have been at home all day being ‘looked after’ by Lad – and I use the term very loosely.  Lad broke up from school yesterday for the Christmas holidays so whilst everyone else was out at school and work today, it was just Lad and I here.  I love it when Lad looks after me.  He interprets this as staying asleep in bed all morning, whilst I get up to God-knows-what downstairs.

I got up to God-knows-what downstairs all morning, Friends.  It was just too funny!  First off I opened the big kitchen cupboard and pulled out the carrier bags.  I was sure there might be a treat behind them but there wasn’t.  Next I reached up a shelf to where all the spices and sauces are, and knocked them on the floor.  A bottle of ketchup and some HP rolled around a bit; it’s a good job they were in plastic bottles.  There was a full box of Tidman’s rock salt so I  carried it into the lounge and ripped the package in several places.  This made a very pleasing mountain of large white crystals all over the lounge carpet.  I was quite impressed with my creation, so I went back to the kitchen and pulled out a box that contained spare collars and a dog lead, plus some flea treatment stuff.  I carried this into the lounge and chucked it on the floor.

Having exhausted this particular shelf in the kitchen, I had a look round the hall and found She’s dog-walking winter coat on the banisters.  Often this has a treat in the pocket, so I decided to investigate by ripping a large hole in the lining of the coat.  It looks very attractive. There wasn’t a treat though, which was disappointing.  In frustration I dragged the coat into the lounge and chucked it on the floor, close to the mountain of rock salt and collars/leads/flea stuff.   The lounge looked a complete tip by this point.

And where was Lad, I hear you asking, while all this was going on?  Well he had been sound asleep in bed, but the spices/herbs/sauces falling out of the cupboard made quite a crash and the noise did in fact wake him up.  When Lad found me, I was in the lounge standing on a stool with a Wagon Wheel in my mouth.  I had the grace to look very slightly ashamed at the complete carnage I had caused in the lounge, but only very slightly.  It had been a right laugh, after all.  Lad tried to get the Wagon Wheel out of my mouth by lying and telling me my dinner was ready.  Unfortunately I fell for this trick, and dropped the Wagon Wheel in my haste to run to the kitchen.  Lad had no intention of giving me my dinner, and I am disgusted by such underhand behaviour.  I will not be falling for this old chestnut again.

Needless to say I was told off when She got home from work tonight and moaned at.  Lad was also told off and moaned at for not supervising me properly.  Lad had been told he needed to take me for a LONG walk this afternoon – Readers, only Lad and I know the truth of if/how far we went for a walk.  This will stay between us.

To be honest, I was exhausted by the goings-on from last night and really didn’t need a long walk today.  I’ve never known such a ruddy disrupted night, and frankly it gets on my nerves.  Lad had been out all evening with his friends in a town far away.  Alas, Lad had failed to take a door key with him so could not enter the property when he returned by the last train at midnight.  Thus Lad had to phone She’s mobile to say could She go down and let him in.  This phone call woke me up a little after midnight.

Then what do you know, someone’s alarm clock started beeping at 4am.  Nobody appeared to notice this apart from myself and She, so yet again we were rudely awoken and there was a lot of ill-tempered stomping around to find out whose ruddy alarm clock it was.  It happened to be Young Lad’s, but you’ll be glad to know that Young Lad was sleeping peacefully despite the shrieking racket close to his ear.

I had JUST got back to sleep when Gingercat started yowling from the kitchen – Gingercat had heard the alarm clock from all the way downstairs and yet it is a complete mystery that He and Lad (both upstairs) failed to notice it.  Gingercat thought that it was getting-up time as an alarm clock was shrieking, not understanding that it was still hours before dawn.  So this was  now THREE times that my sleep had been disturbed in one night, Friends.  Unbelievably, Gingercat changed his mind just one hour later at 5am, and wanted to be let back out again.

Friends, I nearly lost the will to live.  What does a Beagle have to do, in order to get a decent night’s sleep?  And they wonder why I show some behavioural issues during the day!!

I’m really quite disappointed tonight, Readers, as it was Food Technology for Young Lad today.  He was due to make festive spice apple pie.  Young Lad announced this on the journey to football training last night, and so amidst a lot of whingeing She had to detour to Sainsbury’s for puff pastry and the like.  Anyway I was looking forward immensely to festive spice apple pie – I really did like the sound of it.  I couldn’t wait for Young Lad to get home from school tonight with his tupperware box.  Oh, alas and alack!  Young Lad THOUGHT he had put the oven on at the beginning of the lesson, but he hadn’t.  Thus the apple pie has not been cooked and is still at school completely raw.  Really this is a poor show – it’s a fundamental principle of cookery to switch the oven on.  Come on, Young Lad, concentrate.

I sense some tetchiness tonight.  Due to my bad behaviour today, and earlier in the week, there is some worry about what I am likely to get up to tomorrow when people are out shopping/having haircuts/stressing about Christmas.  Some people feel they cannot relax whilst I am in my present destructive mood.  

I couldn’t care less.

I have plans for the tree in the next day or two, Friends.

Golly I’m tired,

Bye for now,

Russell

 

 

Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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