I’m back, Friends! I returned from my holiday in Cornwall with He and Grandma late last night, and have wasted no time in reverting to my normal behaviour. Here I am, eyeing up Young Lad’s shepherd’s pie this evening as standards are as low as ever in this house, and dinner is being eaten on the sofa in front of the telly. It was all I could do not to launch myself onto his plate and clear up the messy shepherd’s bit – of course, Young Lad had stuffed down the mashed potato ‘pie’ part – but not the healthy yet dull vegetables. However, I showed enormous self-control and satisfied myself with staring fixedly at his fork instead.
It is less than twenty-four hours since I returned home. I was very excited to find that everybody went out for an hour over lunchtime – He and Lad have gone to watch Wet Sham, whilst She and Young Lad popped over to the garden centre to buy a Christmas Tree. Readers, I stood in the hall watching them go out the front door and just couldn’t wait. Within seconds I was upstairs going through the bin in the front bedroom, though I was annoyed to find they had shut the bathroom door as that bin has more interesting things in it. So I dashed back downstairs and opened a cupboard in the kitchen. I was sure there would be a snack in there if I looked really thoroughly – so I did. I pulled out all the carrier bags and a lot of tupperware pots and chucked them on the floor. Then I stood up at the counter and pulled off some packs of Christmas cards, behind which was an empty Twirls packet – I grabbed that and went under the dining room table with it, to lick out the last crumbs of chocolate. It’s their own fault; it should have been put it the bin!! Honestly.
I feel I did quite a good job with this cupboard, in the short space of time available to me. Of course there was loads of moaning when She and Young Lad came home and the festive air of bonhomie created by buying a tree was somewhat dampened.
Anyway, I’m sure they are all very glad to have me home and I know for a fact that you have missed me, Readers.
When I came back last night, after a VERY long day in the car, I thought that Pack Leader might be here to greet me. In fact I really expected her to be standing by the front door wringing her hands in anticipation at my return. But no. She was out socialising. This was hurtful in the extreme. Thankfully Young Lad was here and showed me great affection, as did Lad.
When She did finally come home it was clear I was meant to look pleased to see her, so I did the expected paws-round-the-neck licking- the- face and making- whinnying- noise thing, for thirteen seconds, and then I ran off to the dishwasher and sat by it barking. I haven’t cleaned out a dishwasher ALL WEEK and I was very keen to have a go at the plates.
In all honesty I am pleased to be home, and I have missed Pack Leader, Lad and Young Lad. But, Readers, it does irk me that when I ask them if they have missed me, the answer is “well it’s been nice not having to put the bin outside the back door every day.” There is more to me than this sort of behaviour, you know.
And to prove this very point, Grandma says I was impeccably behaved ALL WEEK in Cornwall and she’s right. I didn’t once steal anything, empty any bins or throw any art stuff round the floor. Grandma doesn’t believe what She says about my behaviour and thinks She makes it up. The photographic evidence could be staged, you know. I had a marvellous week down there, with many long walks along the beach and lots of time to sleep in between. One day I did have a sudden burst of energy and try to chase a large group of seagulls across the bay, but I soon realised the futility of the task and changed tack. There was also an unfortunate error of judgement when I jumped over what I thought was a small puddle on the sand, only to find it was a deceptively deep whirlpool and I did fall in.
Apart from the shock of this, and an appalling lack of Cornish Pasty, chips or anything remotely interesting in the way of food, I had a jolly nice time. As you know I really did need to get away, and the break did me good both physically and mentally. You have no idea how hard my life is.
This morning was marvellous, as She took me for a lovely long walk at the river – I hadn’t been down there for so long! There is only so much trotting along a soggy beach in the December rain that one can do and remain positive. It was beautiful down at the river today, and several of my friends were there – I was greeted like a returning hero. The words “oh how we’ve missed your blog” and “thank goodness you’re back” were so comforting. Nicedogwalkerlady and her husband were especially pleased to see me, and up in Top Field other dog walkers were equally effusive. You have to take affection wherever you can find it, Readers.
Now I know you’re all wondering what’s been going on in my absence. Well, Young Lad has had a busy week with after-school football training, and football training for the new club that he has joined. Plus a match last Sunday. This is exhausting for poor Young Lad and he really shouldn’t be expected to do homework on top of this. Oh hang on, he didn’t. And then got a very bad mark in a Geography test as he had failed to do any. Well, who can blame him with all that physical activity.
Young Lad says he had a great day on Wednesday, as not only did he take an excellent corner at football and score two goals, but he also learned how to cook oven chips. Young Lad and his friend were very hungry before football, and nobody else was home which is just neglect really, isn’t it – so Young Lad and his friend had no choice but to try to cook for themselves. Between them they worked out how to turn on the oven and cook a big stash of Albert Rooster chips. This is a marvellous step forward for Young Lad. Then on Friday Young Lad had a non-pupil day at school so was home alone all day – luckily his friend came round for the day again and they managed to cook more oven chips and walk to the petrol station for a snack. Well done, Young Lad.
Lad has been very helpful at home this week, and even helped clear out some of the crap in the loft last weekend. This is very much a work in progress as there are still many boxes of things that go back to the 1970s. Lad is looking forward to Christmas and has been discussing which games could be played on Christmas Day. Lad has suggested Vodka Pong, but She says Nana Aged 87 might prefer charades. Though I’m not convinced. Nana Aged 87 can be a dark horse.
Well, Readers it is lovely to be back and whilst I’ve enjoyed my week sleeping with He on a nice white luxury duvet, there is no place like home. Tomorrow I am hoping for a lie-in, and then Young Lad has a football match so there will be lots of rushing around and shouting. Yes indeed, there is no place like home.
If you haven’t ordered my book yet, get a move on as you never know what the post will be like in the run-up to Christmas.
Bye for now,