Last night I ripped up a Young’s Cod in Batter box and scattered it on the kitchen floor. It was fun. I tried to slink off discreetly but of course had to pose for the obligatory “WHO did this?” photograph first. For heaven’s sake. We all know who did it.
It had been a funny old day with lots of coming and going. She went to do the bldyfoodshopping, then came home, then He went out, then She went for a quick coffee with Lovelydor down the road, then She came back and took me for my walk, then Young Lad went out to see a friend and so it went on all day. It was exhausting, Readers. I had no idea who was in and who was out. Apart from Lad who was pretty much consistently in bed. No wonder that I was so stressed I had to go through the recycling bags and rip up some boxes.
Our walk was pleasant if mis-timed. Due to all the going in and out, we were very late setting off and didn’t leave until 12.30pm. This was a shame, as across the lunch hour there are very few of my friends down at the river. Their more organised and responsible Pack Leaders take them out earlier in the morning, so it is more of a social occasion. I was pretty much the only dog down there yesterday lunchtime. This is not good for my social skills and is very selfish of my family. What’s that? I never play with any of the other dogs anyway? I don’t know what you mean.
Anyway we trudged over the bridge and up into Top Field where we stamped around to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody. Try that in wellingtons. I found half a dead rabbit but was screeched at and dragged away before I could eat it or roll in it – I hadn’t quite decided which. There wasn’t a soul in Top Field other than a sparrowhawk type thing that kept hovering above its prey – She found this fascinating and stopped to watch but in all honesty it was incredibly dull.
Back home in the garden I watched as the Stupid Starlings’ bird feeders were re-filled, and was pleased to see a large wodge of mouldy suet ball fall onto the grass. I grabbed it and ran off under the choisya bush to eat it – yes it had seen better days and had a grey furry covering , but I’m easily pleased. I will make some cracking smells tonight due to all the fibre.
Lad was forced to do some hoovering yesterday, Friends, and tidy up his bldypigsty of a bedroom, and Young Lad had to put away five huge bags of food shopping. I wasn’t able to watch where he put everything, as I was out on my walk at the time and this was annoying.
Readers, I was really quite irritated at bedtime last night. I was pretty tired, what with walking three miles and chewing through a mouldy fat ball, and all I wanted to do was get my head down on Young Lad’s bed for the night. Unfortunately Young Lad had the same idea and there was something of a stand-off over who would get most of the bed. I had spread out in the middle, and Young Lad whinged and moaned that he couldn’t get in – oh he did go on, Readers. I kept growling and lifting my lips to show my teeth, but still Young Lad wouldn’t shut up. It was nigh on eleven pm before we came to some sort of compromise and really this was too much.
This morning there was a lovely lie-in as for once nobody had to get up at silly o’clock. She ‘popped into town’ on the pretext of needing light bulbs, but I know for a fact that this was a euphemism for visiting Costalotta. This was felt to be a necessity as Young Lad had football match later on, and standing in the ruddy cold for an hour and a half meant a swift Americano was in order. Eventually however, I was dragged out for my walk and this was far more sociable than yesterday’s. First of all we had to give way on the narrow path down to the river as a nice family with a nice brown cockapoo were coming up towards us. They stopped for a chat and said how lovely I was, and I told them about my Instagram account, blog and book. I think it’s important that people know just how many balls I am juggling at times.
Then look who we bumped into. Yes indeed, the Bastard Swans are back on the river, and just look at the evil dripping from their eyes. I was happily climbing down the slope to have a drink, when up they came swimming towards me with malicious intent. Never have I seen such nasty creatures as these. Oh it’s all very well saying how beautiful they are, what a lovely photo etc but until you’ve been chased by the wretches you have no idea. Hate them.
Thankfully we trotted on and met NicedogwalkerLady and her husband with the chocolate lab, and I was able to forget the terror of the white monsters. A young black labrador came bounding up and wanted to play with me, but it was tedious so I ignored it. Then – and this made me laugh – we bumped into the Friendly Local Electrician with his dog, and he asked how the tumble dryer was. Now Readers, She had sent him a smug text message a while ago gloating that She had managed to pull out the tumble dryer, replace a fuse, and make it work – oh didn’t we think we were clever. The Friendly Local Electrician asked how long the tumble dryer worked with the new fuse and She had to admit it was less than 24 hours. It was too funny.
On our way back from the river, there was a large group of teenagers wearing camouflage. I’m not sure what they thought they were doing, but it was damned frightening seeing this intimidating group go past – just as scary as the pensioners’ walking group that gathers down there. I barked and barked to show them how brave I was and how I would NOT be intimidated by young adolescents in combat gear.
Once home I snatched Young Lad’s fruit toast off his plate and ran off with it, as a reward for my bravery.
So here we go, another week. She has just done the frantic Sunday night texting around to see who will have me, and I’m off to dear, dear Ebony’s tomorrow.
What an exhausting weekend, Friends.
See you soon,