Yesterday I arrived home from a lovely day at dear Ebony’s house, and ran straight upstairs like greased lightning to Lad’s bedroom. This is because I knew Lad had not finished his bowl of Shreddies in the morning, and in the usual slovenly way of things round here had just left the bowl on his bedside table. Now, my memory and sense of smell are superlative and I was determined to clear out that bowl. I don’t mind that ten- hour-old cereal is dried out and stuck to the bowl, or that Shreddies taste like cardboard at the best of times. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
After that I had a quick look round Lad’s room as there is always loads of rubbish on the floor and sometimes you hit a winning streak and find a squashed Twix. Sadly there wasn’t a squashed Twix yesterday but the stale bowl of Shreddies was nice.
After Tuesday’s catalogue of appalling behaviour, I decided to wind it in a bit yesterday. Plus I was at dear Ebony’s, so there was no need to play up. In between our lovely walks at the river, I slept heavily all day in Ebony’s bed.
I’m not sure in what state I left Ebony’s bed as later in the evening it became apparent that my anal glands were rather full and leaking. I discovered this when everyone started shouting, “Oh GOD Russell!! You STINK!” and pushed me off the sofa. Before I left the sofa I did sniff around where my rear end had been and indeed there was some leakage. It wasn’t pleasant. Thankfully my rear end had been on a cushion so at least this is washable.
It was very annoying, being removed from the sofa. I had to climb into my chair on the manky old sheet for the rest of the evening.
Before all this palaver, I met a new friend of Young Lad’s as Young Lad has joined a new football team – yes! Less time sitting on the sofa! Young Lad’s friend needed a lift to football, so he was told to arrive at 5.30pm. Young Lad’s friend couldn’t wait that long and arrived at 5pm even though there were no adults here, so he and Young Lad sat on the sofa eating snacks. This was marvellous for me, as I sat next to them whining and begging for something to eat. I was displeased to find they were eating rice cakes, as these have a similar texture to Shreddies but I won’t turn my nose up at a bit of flavoured polystyrene if there’s any going. I wore them down eventually.
Then She came rushing home from work, knocked up beans on toast for Young Lad and his friend so that they had some “proper” food inside them (really? was this the best She could do?) and then there was lots of rushing round shouting “SHIN PADS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!” and other strange things. I’m not sure what Young Lad’s new friend thought of all the screeching and running around. but welcome to my world.
Wild horses couldn’t have dragged me out yesterday evening, Readers, as it was barely above freezing and personally I think it’s unreasonable to expect Young Lad to run round an astroturf for an hour in those conditions. She said it’s bldyunreasonable to expect mothers to stand by the side of the bldy astroturf in those conditions, but there you go. During this, He and I were having a lovely sit on the sofa in front of the telly, with the central heating cranked up. Lad was at the gym, and I was frankly surprised at the level of physical activity being shown by some of the family. I decided not to add to it, and slept heavily.
I awoke when Young Lad and She came home, as Young Lad and his friend had been bought chips on the way home as a treat and to warm them up. Young Lad’s chips smelled divine and I wanted some. It was just the right time of a Wednesday evening for a snack and I felt that I was entitled to a treat as much as the next man. It seems nobody agreed with me, and Young Lad didn’t give me a single chip. The selfishness of this family never ceases to amaze me.
I did get my own back a little in the night, as I suddenly felt a little sick at around 3.30am. I made the usual noises and did lots of heaving. and eventually trotted down the stairs where I retched up some long grass over the (thankfully) wooden floor. She arrived on the scene, irritable as ever, and shoved me in the freezing cold garden so I took my time. We finally got back to bed at quarter to four, and Gingercat started yowling at 5am, so it was an interesting night.
Perhaps if they had given me a chip or two, none of this would have happened.
Now there was a quandary today. It turned out that Lad had a non-pupil day, so in theory he was here to look after me and keep me company. After some thought however, it was decided that Lad was unlikely to wake up until lunchtime, and so this might be a little unfair on me and the concept of keeping me company was a non-starter. So it was then that I went back to dear Ebony’s house for a second day, and I have to concur that the quality of the company there was considerably higher than it would have been at home. Lad did indeed stay in bed until lunchtime, and then proceeded to leave a ruddy mess with bowls/plates/cups and general detritus all over the place. There were some firm words with Lad tonight, Readers.
Well tomorrow is looking different, as this time Young Lad has a non-pupil day (what a strange idea this is) and so He and Young Lad are here all day. This promises to be good for me, as it will involve some sitting around and relaxing plus a nice but not over-long walk. Just right.
The only downside is that there will be no opportunity to rip up any recycling, throw anything round the lounge or chew up the Stupid Starlings’ Fat Balls. You win some, you lose some.
Golly I’m tired.
Bye for now,