Under the table

IMG_20181112_175104_844 While they were all at school/work yesterday, Readers, I had the best day I’ve had for ages.  Pour yourselves a drink and settle down – it’s been a cracking couple of days.

It started with a panic because Ebony and Pippa’s Pack Leaders were still away, so there was nobody to look after me.  Hence a slightly hysterical text message was sent to Lovelyneighbourontheright again, to see if they could save the day once more.  They could.

However before they popped round in the morning, I made good use of  my time.  

1.  Ate a broccoli stem from the back porch and chucked the plastic under the dining room table.

2.  Cleared out a cat bowl and chucked it under the dining room table.

3. Found a Babybel cheese (still a mystery that one) and chucked the red waxy bit under the dining room table.

4.  Walked miniscule bits of broccoli floret and some potato peelings over  the carpet towards the dining room table.

In short, it was a mess.  So was the back porch where I had knocked loads of stuff down, including the huge bag of conkers which are now rolling all over the place underfoot – how dangerous.

I hadn’t finished.  It’s been a while since I went near the art and craft box in the study, so I had a look through it and threw lots of manky tissue paper, sequins and scraps of material all over the floor.  To be honest it was in a very untidy state and needs sorting out, so I’m doing them a favour.

Anyway, then Lovelyneighbourontheright came to get me and to my utter delight they took me into their house!  I made straight for the utility room as I know that’s where they feed their dog, and indeed his breakfast was still on the floor,  I finished it off for him.  Then we went for a nice walk and they think I’m a lovely dog with excellent behaviour and manners.  Of course my own family moaned at me when they saw the state of the house and She said “asifIhaven’t gotenoughbldy thingstodo!”

In the evening I decided it would be a good time to gnaw loudly on my large bone.  This makes an attractive scraping noise and is highly irritating.  I even took this bone up to bed with me, and buried it deeply in Young Lad’s bed once he was asleep.  During the night my bone fell out with a loud bang.  So you see – a top day!!

Young Lad made one of his error of judgements after dinner last night.  It has recently become his responsibility to put away the food shopping on a Saturday, and I enjoy sitting right in his way to watch this process.  There follow a few days of trying to find where Young Lad has put everything as he has his own unique logic, but now that they know he puts the Paxo stuffing mix in the freezer and gourmet cat food tins on the shelf with the soup and baked beans, it’s becoming easier.  Anyway, last night Young Lad was forced to clear the table after dinner, and made the mistake of putting the  remaining teaspoon of Ben & Jerry’s in the fridge rather than the freezer.  Strong words were had with Young Lad about his mistake, but I enjoyed clearing out the pot.

This morning,Readers, I carried on from where I left off yesterday. Whilst She was on the school run, I ripped up Lad’s JD Sports  plastic bag which I knew darned well had some remnants of packed lunch in it.  Indeed I found a kitkat and ate it.  To reach the kitkat I had to pull Lad’s school books out of the bag and distribute them along the carpet as they were in my way.  Lad is very annoyed tonight about the JD Sports carrier bag, as apparently you can never find one of these when you need one, and now our household is down by one JD Sports carrier bag.

My walk this morning was stressful, Friends.  For a start, the very large group of elderly ramblers were snaking their way along the path by the river – there must have been thirty of the blighters, and it frightened the life out of me.  There was a lot of white hair, and some of them had sunglasses on – the men even had hats – and you know quite well that each of these things terrify me.  A HUGE group en masse like this is too much, and I  frantically brayed my best beagle bray  at them.  They soon realised I was not to be messed with.

Up in Top Field I decided to have a comfort break just inside the gate, which meant She would have to carry the little black bag all round Top Field, Top Top Field and The Field Above Top Field as there aren’t any poo bins up there.  She grumbled a lot and decided to leave the little black bag on a branch to collect on the way back.  On our way back from Top Top Field, who did I see in the distance but the three collies that frighten me so much.  They were wandering around looking for their tennis balls, but I felt sure they had evil intent towards me so barked and barked.  She said I made a ridiculous fuss and shouted at me.

To pay her back for this, I waited until She had completed a circuit of Top Field and was back by the gate, then refused to move.  Much yelling and blowing of the whistle ensued and I was perfectly aware that She was waving a bit of sausage at me across the field, but I still refused to move.  I pretended there was something interesting on the ground.  Eventually She had to stamp all the way back up Top Field to get me, swearing and muttering, and do you know what She shouted to the three collies’ Pack Leader?  “Beagle for sale.”  The rudeness.  Then we had to stamp all the way back to the bottom of Top Field (do keep up) to collect the black bag hanging on the bushes.  Despite the beautiful autumnal day, the mood had changed somewhat and She said ‘I  need a bldygin never mind a bldycupoftea.’

Today is November 13th, and it is a VERY special day.  It is the anniversary of my very first blog!  Yes!  Some of you have been reading this drivel for a whole year!  I can’t believe that a year later, I am still full of wonderful words and insight.  Those of you who have only recently started reading my blog – the first six months are available as a book.  I know!  In the past twelve months I have published a book as well as writing my blog and trashing the kitchen at every available opportunity.  And rolling in fox poo. Also in the last year, we have sadly lost Rocco the Inspirational Three-legged Labrador, and our beloved Grandad.  Lad smashed his GCSEs and with his friends has discovered a game called Orange Squash Pong – I think it’s orange squash, anyway – and Young Lad has developed his Food Technology skills.

Happy Anniversary dear, dear Friends and thank you so much for reading my musings for all this time. 

Russell

Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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