Dog_Watching_TV_1It is Friday night and I am being moaned at, Friends. He, She and Young Lad are all on the sofa trying to watch a very exciting episode of Chicago PD, and I thought it would be rather nice to join them.  So I climbed on Young Lad’s knee and sat up very straight indeed.  I, too, was captivated by the exciting episode of Chicago PD and was watching the screen intently.  Unfortunately Young Lad couldn’t see round me as I was sitting up so straight, and it appears having a very large Beagle blocking your view of exciting telly is annoying.  Young Lad tried leaning to the right to see over my shoulder, so I helpfully shifted my weight which blocked his view even more.  Then he tried leaning to the left, so I shifted my weight again.

In the end of course I had to give in to all the shouting at me and moaning, and lay down across Young Lad’s legs.  By this time the exciting part of Chicago PD had finished.

Prior to this I had spent half an hour whining and whingeing at them in the hope that I might get some pizza crust, it being Slovenly Pizza Night.  Sometimes, Readers, it takes a short sharp bark to get their attention properly and acquire some food, but tonight some exceptionally loud whining and grizzling did the trick.  There is a particular pitch of whining that is REALLY annoying and it often wears them down.  My gains were a very small crust of pizza and three carrot sticks. It’s better than nothing.

I’ve hardly seen Pack Leader this week due to the extended working hours and what does She do within half an hour of being home tonight?   Tells me I smell.  It’s my rear end as usual- anal glands are devils you know- but I do feel it’s rude to point this out to me withing minutes of walking through the door.  And there is no need for all the fussing about “I hope you didn’t bldy well make the furniture at Ebony’s house smell of anal glands” blah blah blah.   So I have curled up on the red fleecy blanket now, in silent protest at the rudeness, and if it smells horrid by the end of the evening, tough.

She also says I’m losing my touch.  Today dear dear Ebony’s Pack Leader brought me home early in the afternoon, so there was a period of time in which I was Home Alone Unsupervised.  Normally this would involve a quick look through all the bins and cupboards to find something to eat, and if nothing was forthcoming I might well have been in the mood to throw a box of paperclips around.  But no!   Today I did not open one single cupboard or drag things out of one single bin AND (this is the crux of the matter) I failed to notice some stale bread in the back porch which should have been put out for the stupid starlings!  I know!  What are things coming to when I miss out on a snack!  I know for a fact that in Lad’s bedroom there was a bowl of Shreddies uneaten from early this morning; however in an unusual moment of good organisation the bedroom doors had been shut.

I really don’t know how I managed to miss out on the manky crusts in the back porch and feel I may be coming down with something.

Lad’s bedroom, by the way, is shocking.  Now I’m not one for tidiness and I do like to trash a bed and kick a duvet all over the shop, but even I can see that Lad’s bedroom is about the worst it’s ever been.  This is a shame as it was cleaned and organised recently, but you would never know.  Poor Lad.  He hasn’t had a good week and expecting him to pick up five towels, several shirts and numerous items of underwear from the floor is just unreasonable.

Lad has gone out with his friends in a town far away tonight, and I don’t blame him.  It has to be preferable to tidying his room.

The other night there was a strange old thing called Halloween. She says She can’t bear it as it  is thinly veiled aggressive begging, and is nothing but  hideous commercial nonsense developed by a company called Asda.  Such levity in this house, as usual.  Anyway, Young Lad was luckily invited out by his friends to go Trick or Treating, as otherwise he would have been staying indoors with She probably watching an educational documentary.

Now, Trick or Treating sounds like a fab idea if you ask me.  I really like the sound of going up to complete strangers and waiting for them to give you some snacks – in fact I do this all the time down at the river.  I haven’t really got on board with the ‘trick’ aspect of the concept, because it is only the treats that I’m interested in.  But if anyone DOESN’T give me a treat down at the river, I do give them a filthy look and flounce off.  They soon learn.

A new dinner bowl arrived for me today.  I used to have a special “slow your bldy greedy dog down” model so that I couldn’t gulp my food down in three mouthfuls; -this is a carefully designed plastic thing with a spiral type maze in it.  Anyway, my bldy expensive “slow your bldy greedy dog down” bowl was left at Nana aged 87’s house when we were last there, so I’ve had to make do with a cat bowl in the meantime.  This is rather beneath me.  So I was quite pleased to see my new “slow your bldy greedy dog down” bowl, and She was pleased as it was nearly half the price from the Internet Giant Retailer than it would have been from ToysrPetsrVetsrUs or whatever it’s called.  

I’m in for lots of long walks this weekend it seems, as someone is missing their long power stomps through the fields, due to the extended working hours. I’d rather stay in my chair in all honesty.  I went to dear, dear Pippa’s house for daycare on Wednesday and pretty much slept all day, as I had done at Ebony’s the day before.  It’s these early starts at 6am every day – I hate that ruddy alarm clock and I am NOT ready to get up for the day at that time.  Nor is anyone else it seems, especially Lad.  Young Lad seems to cope ok, but then he spends a lot more of his life sitting on sofa than anyone else here.  Young Lad and I have a lot in common.

Readers, Young Lad has a can of sugar free 7up for a treat.  He has some bottles of Budweiser.  Gordon is popping in for She any minute now.  What do I get?  You’re right.

Meghan Markle is now back from Australia and I fully expect that she has read my book on journey there and back.  There was certainly time to.  I imagine I will be hearing from her very soon once she’s recovered from the jetlag.

See you soon,


Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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