Yesterday, Readers, I was having a perfectly pleasant time at dear Ebony’s house when another dog came to visit. As you know, socialising with other dogs isn’t really my thing so I felt it was only right that I had an armchair to myself, whilst Ebony and the visitor had to share. I was extremely comfortable in the armchair by myself.
Tonight I have had a bit of a result as it is Slovenly Pizza night, being Friday, and as Express Pizza doughballs were half price in Tesco tonight, a packet was bought. Imagine my delight when She dropped the packet as She was opening it and a couple of uncooked dough balls rolled across the kitchen floor. I moved like lightning Readers, which doesn’t happen often, and managed to grab both dough balls even though they had rolled in different directions. They were rather chanky to eat, as they hadn’t been cooked, but a dough ball is a dough ball. This was very pleasing. Then I whined and whinged in the lounge whilst they all ate their pizzas and carrot sticks, until someone gave me some carrot to shut me up. I like Friday nights.
I am quite ashamed, however, to say that pyjamas had been donned BEFORE the watershed of 7pm. This is being blamed on a long week, but I feel standards are becoming desperately low here. I am quite sure none of you resort to pyjamas by 7pm on a Friday night. The argument for this is that Lad and He are going up the pub to watch Wet Sham this evening, which means Young Lad and She have the sofa and TV to themselves. This inevitably means Chicago PD and diet Lilt for Young Lad, whilst Gordon pops round for She – and it might be bldy large one, She is saying. I fail to see why you can’t be appropriately attired for such an evening rather than in extremely old sleepwear.
The other night I was dragged over the Rec after tea for some fresh air, even though I had experienced plenty of fresh air during the day. It turned out to be quite fun, actually, as there was a black cockapoo type thing that I try to mount whenever I see it. I don’t know what comes over me, I just have this impulse to hump it and I really resent the words “GET OFF/YOU HAVE NO BLDYIDEA WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT” being shouted at me. So I was screeched at and chased away from the black cockapoo. Then, to my delight, we spotted dear. dear Ebony and we had a marvellous game with a dead hedgehog. Ebony was brave and kept picking it up, shaking it around in her mouth, while I watched. At first the Pack Leaders thought it was a grotty old trainer as the light was fading, but it soon became apparent it had once been a large hedgehog. More shouting and chasing, until She managed to pick it up and take it off to the side of the field, moaning about “fleas” and “germs”. She chucked it behind the football goals which I don’t feel was wise.
Young Lad has discovered the school library! I know! Until now Young Lad has given this a wide swerve as it contains books, but it turns out you can go in there at lunchtime and play cards! Young Lad has quite a gambling bent, as shown on many holidays and at Christmas, so this is wonderful news for him. Mostly he has been playing Pontoon with some friends – it’s not clear at this stage whether money is allowed to change hands in the school library but I imagine it won’t be long. I am so pleased that Young Lad has enjoyed his time in the library this week and not had to look at a single book. Well done. Young Lad.
She and I were relegated to the other room to watch the old telly on Wednesday night. This was because there was a dull football match on BT sport and seemingly it’s too much effort to unplug the BT Sport box from the lounge TV and plug it into the old TV. There was some bad language about this as a new series of The Apprentice was starting and one would have liked to watch this from the comfort of the sofa, but no, squashed up in the other room we had to be. I was rather tired on Wednesday evening, Readers, and all the snorting and laughing during The Apprentice was vexing to say the least. I had made a bad decision and it would probably have been much quieter with Lad and He watching the dull football. You live and learn.
Well, those conkers are still being highly ineffective. During dinner preparation last night, something the size of a satsuma strolled along the worktop to meet She. There was a silly loud gasping noise, as it had made her jump, and then loads of clattering around to find a glass big enough to put over the bastard. A pint glass was needed. I was concerned to see that Young Lad’s commendation postcard from school was used as the other part of the spider-catching mechanism as this seems disrespectful. Anyway the monstrous arachnid was carried down the garden and chucked over the man over the back’s fence. It will be back in tomorrow and I can’t see that frantically scattering conkers all round the kitchen is going to make much difference. It’s laughable.
Lad has a busy weekend, Friends – not with homework as you may be thinking – but tonight there is the Wet Sham match up the pub, then tomorrow Lad will need a lie-in until it’s time to go to the town far away to hang out with his friends. And it doesn’t stop there! Oh no. Tomorrow night he is watching a boxing match on telly somewhere with his friends, and it doesn’t start till the early hours of the morning! What fun! Now you would think that Lad would need to sleep for most of Sunday after this but they have a christening to go to in a city 200 miles away which will necessitate about 7 bldy hours in the bldy car during the day. I do hope that poor Lad can sleep in the car on this journey as he will be so tired. And possibly bad-tempered. Poor Lad.
Well I’ve been told I’m going out for TWO long walks tomorrow as She hasn’t had much fresh air or exercise this week and wants to walk for miles. I can’t wait.
Time for my chair, and I hear the clink of ice cubes so we all know what time it is for someone else.
Bye for now,