Disturbed

59922293-cartoon-washing-machine-clip-art-illustration-with-simple-gradients-all-in-a-single-layer-Yesterday was absolutely ridiculous, Readers. I have never known such disruption and noise of a day.  It started in the morning when I was having my post-breakfast sleep in my chair – suddenly there was terrific banging from the kitchen and a worrying burning smell.  This all ended with a loud crack as the glass door of the washing machine shattered.  Really!  I was trying to sleep!

What makes it worse is that this was completely avoidable.  If somebody hadn’t rammed clothes into the machine knowing full well that He had put his enormous bldy trainers in there, this wouldn’t have happened.  Any four-year old German-made bldy expensive machine is going to struggle with the force of all that during fast spin.

Then of course there was loads of swearing and bad temper, as it is very inconvenient to not have a washing machine the weekend before Back To School happens.  I simply could not get back to sleep with all this going on, and it really annoyed me.

She stomped out the house and drove off to a town far away to collect the final items of school uniform (I told you it was all very last minute).  Young Lad went on the Xbox to de-stress from the washing machine incident and He forlornly hung his trainers out on the line.  I did eventually doze off again as it all quietened down for a while.  But really this isn’t good enough.

When Lad finally got out of bed, I felt the day was picking up a little.  Then She returned from School Uniform collection, and huffed and puffed about ordering a newbldy washing machine in the twenty minutes available before they all went out.  It was still imperative to read reviews of a few washing machines so that it wasn’t a completely impulsive decision, but I feel a lot more research should have gone into buying such an important household good.  “That’ll do” really doesn’t suffice.  Then, Readers, and get the rudeness of this – LovelyDor down the road was texted and asked to re-wash all the washing in the machine that had exploded.  We do know how to use people in this house, don’t we!

To be honest I was glad when they all went out.  I had a quiet couple of hours, in which Gingercat and I were able to relax properly.  It was irritating to find all the bedroom doors shut, mind you, and we had to make do with the sofa but at least there were no exploding domestic appliances or sweary language.

But THEN things deteriorated.  On returning from their visit to see Grandad, She decided to drive down to LovelyDor and see if the washing was ready for collection.  As She did so, a small grey dog was spotted running in the road.  Reluctantly She pulled over and looked for the dog’s Pack Leader, but there was nobody with it.  Fearing the little dear would end up under the next car zooming round the corner, She had no choice but to pick it up, put it in the car and bring it home.  Yes, Readers, to MY home.  In they came, and I was told to be nice to it as it had  been very stressed.  Well, I can tell you I was fairly stressed too.

We were chucked in the garden, where the grey thing tried to chase me around.  I made it clear that I simply don’t do this. Good God it was irritating.

Then, and this really beggars belief, it was decided to take us BOTH out for a walk to the river, to see if there was a Pack Leader frantically looking for their dog.  This was incredibly annoying as the grey dog kept trying to sniff my bottom and our leads were constantly becoming tangled.  It was rather fraught, and of course we had to stop and chat to every single person that walked past us, to see if they knew whose dog it was.  The whole thing made my hackles rise, if I’m honest, and I was jolly glad when Social Media found some sort of useful purpose and the dog was reunited with its careless owner.  Dear God.

I was exhausted after all these interruptions to my sleep yesterday.

In other news, niceladywiththelonghair and the brown labrador told me that she’s read my book, and that she’s lending it to her father.  Another nice lady at whom I barked ferociously the other week for walking by the river without a dog and therefore no legitimate purpose, also said she has bought my book and is going to purchase another copy as  a Christmas present for someone.  How wonderful – I am humbled by the kindness of these people, but then they know a good read when they see it.

Guess what is sitting in a Jiffy bag by the front door?  Waiting to go to the Post Office tomorrow?  Yes!  My book for Meghan Markle!!  It is a brand new nice, shiny copy, and I’ve written her a letter to explain why a random book is turning up at Nott Cott.  I’m a little concerned that it won’t get past security but surely there’s nothing threatening about my photo on the front –  miserable, but not threatening.  I do so hope her personal assistant or the butler pass it on to her. Do you think she’ll like it?  Will she understand the humour, not being British?  Will she know what Tesco is?

Today He took me for a lovely long walk really early, when there was still dew on the ground. I’m not quite feeling myself though, today, which may or may not be due to all the manky apples and greengages I’m eating from the garden.  My stomach does seem somewhat distended and I’m a little subdued – not that anyone has noticed.  I was very tired after my walk and dropped off into a nice sleep – and what do you think happened then?  Yes!  A new washing machine was delivered, the old one was disconnected and dragged out, and the new one was plumbed in by Pavel and James.  Can you imagine the racket?  Bang, crash, drag, rip.  For the love of God, I just want a quiet morning.

Readers, you would have been ashamed of the floor behind the old washing machine.  It was DISGUSTING.  Black, greasy, covered in pen lids, eggs shells and the everlasting satsuma peelings.  Poor, poor Pavel and James – I am quite sure they have never been to such a filthy house. It was excruciating.  I can hear the conversation Pavel and James had in the lorry, after they left.  And this is the hovel in which I have to live!

Meghan Markle won’t have black grease and egg shells behind her washing machine.  Her kitchen vinyl flooring doesn’t have rips in it, I know for a fact.  Oh I do so hope she reads my book – this might be the start of something.

Well, another tiring day – He played cricket this afternoon but I wasn’t taken to the club as it was very warm and I made it perfectly clear that I didn’t feel myself.  I was dragged down to Lovelydor’s to take her some flowers, but really I don’t think a bunch of alstromeira makes up for treating her like Mrs Tiggywinkle.

Lad isn’t here tonight – he has gone to a town far away to hang out with his friends.  Lad found it difficult to make a time-efficient decision about whether to go or not, and it turns out there were no trains due to engineering works, so She said yes of COURSE She would love to drive him to a town far away late on a Sunday afternoon, it would be FUN!!  There was a conversation with Lad about try making a bldy decision before 3pm in future, which I feel is a little harsh.

Well let’s cross our fingers and hope for a morning uninterrupted by white goods or grey dogs tomorrow, Friends.

Bye for now,

Russell

Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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