Please move

Copy of 20180710_204854 (1)  Last evening, I was VERY annoyed to find that my chair was not available.  He, Young Lad and Gingercat were on the sofa watching TV, and She was in MY chair working on the laptop.  Readers, this left nowhere for me.  I had no choice but to stand in front of my chair glaring at her, and hoping that my filthy look gave her the message.  It did, eventually, and when She moved from my chair to fetch something, I jumped in and threw myself down firmly to put an end to the matter.  This is unacceptable selfishness. 

It hadn’t been the best of days, to be honest, as yesterday Lad had to get up early and pack the overnight bag that was in his room.  As you know, Lad was going on a mini-break to a hot country with his friends and I was upset about this.  I love Lad very much as he is gentle with me, and likes sleeping almost as much as I do.  The thought of not seeing him for several days is awful.  I sat on the landing with my extra sad face on while he packed, and before long it was time for a tearful farewell.

While She and Lad were in town sorting out a haircut and some Euros – yes, dreadful last-minute organisation as usual – I looked round to see what I could find.  There was a bag with some manky lettuce and salad produce in it, ready to give to next door’s rabbit, so in the absence of anything better I pulled that into the lounge and ate it.  Slimy lettuce isn’t really my thing, but I was desperate.  I think I’ve done the rabbit a favour, really.  

Eventually She returned after dropping Lad off at the airport.  I suspect Lad was locked in the car with no means of escape, and had to listen to yet another lecture about gangs, yobs, drink and the general terrible danger of a seaside holiday.  Readers, Lad would have been better off travelling by public transport to the airport – it would have taken four times as long, but been less dreary for him.  Poor Lad.  

Thankfully it was then time for me to have some attention, and after cleaning out my ears (there is a risk that this is becoming an obsession) we went for a walk.  It was a pleasant day, not too hot or cold, and we stomped along at a good pace for three miles.  There was quite an unpleasant smell down where the river narrows, and I imagine there is an issue with raw sewage somewhere, but this didn’t stop me going in the water for a paddle.  Once in Far Field, I was put on the lead as I kept finding things to roll in and someone was lacking in tolerance of this.  We took the long route round Far Field, even though it is very overgrown, and our mistake was realised when we couldn’t actually see over the grass at one point.  Yes, Readers, the field was taller than me or Pack Leader and we disappeared from view.  I didn’t mind this, but She started feeling a bit panicky and looking over her shoulder to see if anyone Unsavoury was following us in the long grass.  It was all rather melodramatic and there was no need for screeching “Come on Russell, RUN” in that silly way.  There was nobody following us and She looked paranoid and ridiculous.

Last evening was sad in two ways, Friends.  Actually, three.  Firstly, I couldn’t get into my chair.  Secondly, I was missing Lad dreadfully.  And thirdly, England were knocked out of the World Cup semi-final.  Oh hang on, I couldn’t care less about that one. 

There was excitement in the air for me this morning, though, as my collar was put on at 7.25am and this usually signals that I’m going somewhere.  Indeed, Young Lad was shouted at to put my lead on me and walk me down the road – Yay! I thought to myself.  I’m going to dear Ebony’s house.  Readers, I couldn’t wait to get through the door and positively leapt on Ebony’s Pack Leader in my joy.  To be honest, the greeting of “Hello smelly” wasn’t quite what I was hoping for, but this is due to some disloyal text messaging last night in which She warned Ebony’s Pack Leader that my anal glands were bad.  Is this the sort of information you share with people?  It’s personal, and more discretion is called for.  But Ebony doesn’t mind how badly I smell and we had a marvellous day together.  In fact I slept for a lot of  it, but we did have two walks and they are still trying hard to encourage my ball skills.

By rights this evening should have been spent sound asleep in my chair.  Quite unbelievably, though, He decided it would be nice to walk me down to the cricket club to watch Young Lad’s match!  I looked at him as if He was insane, but this didn’t work and my lead was put on me yet again.  We spent quite a nice evening at the cricket, I suppose, though I didn’t want to lie on the rock hard ground so jumped on her lap.  I was moaned at because She still had Work Clothes on, and I am moulting badly so now her Work Clothes are covered in white fur.  Somehow this is my fault and the washing machine has now been put on, despite the lateness of the hour, because “I” have made such a mess of everything.  Seriously.

Readers, I’m concerned about the quality of nutrition for Young Lad here this week.  There has been a distinct lack of effort on the catering front.  Tonight – are you ready for this? – a plate of hash browns, three fish fingers and a couple of nubs of broccoli.  Processed rubbish. Last night: chocolates,  sweets and sugar-free lemonade to accompany the World Cup excitement.  This is very poor parenting.  Other than a couple of overdone jacket potatoes, there has been virtually no effort at healthy eating for poor Lad and Young Lad this week.  True, there is a large honeydew melon in the fruit bowl but it is way past its best, and if they don’t crack that open tomorrow it will end up in the compost bin.  I might get it out.

Well, I’m exhausted after three walks today, and don’t know what they’re trying to do to me.

Bye for now.


Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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